


He's An Angel (In a Human Type of Way)

by agentlaffytaffy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Cas loves Dean, Dean Loves Cas, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Past Abuse, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:26:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6612346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentlaffytaffy/pseuds/agentlaffytaffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean Winchester gets stuck in his limbo of depression a certain light shone through his barriers. That light happened to be certain person by the name of Castiel, who may also need a little light in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's An Angel (In a Human Type of Way)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago, and I this point I can't stand this story, but I wanted to share it in case it brought a single person joy.

Chapter 1

The pain in Dean’s chest was deadly. All he wanted to do was end his life. In that moment it didn’t matter about his family or his friends. It was like his whole body was consuming itself in unbearable pain. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. Dean is a very strong person, but he was powerless and didn’t even enough energy to cry. He was replaying his life through his head. His beautiful mom that would care and comfort him. To the day he witnessed her burning body. His normal life was ripped from him. He didn’t have any control. All he could think was how he pretended to put his brave face on and care for everyone around him. In return, they just beat him down until he was so low he couldn’t see the light. He couldn’t see the good in the world anymore. Everything was just dark. Nothing mattered in the world it was useless. The only reason why he was still alive was the stubbornness to prove people wrong. The told him he was worthless. He just needed to prove them wrong, but he couldn’t, not anymore because he felt worthless. When you can’t deny it there isn’t any hope. Hope is a concept people say so you don’t become just another suicide statistic.

Dean was tired of being angry. It’s too late to yell at his dead father for taking away his childhood, abusing him, and fucking him up for life. He couldn’t be angry with himself for being so naïve. Anger took energy and energy is something he doesn’t have. Dean wanted to kill someone or maybe just try to make someone understand him and the pain he was feeling. That wasn’t possible though because Dean couldn’t even move. Even taking a shower was a difficult task for him these days. He doesn’t remember the last time he attempted to clean his clothes.

“Is this what hell feels like?” He questioned his ceiling.

An obnoxious buzzing sound appeared next to his head again. He forgot that people even attempted to contact him anymore. Dean tried to reach for his phone, but realized his hand wasn’t responding to his brain. He couldn’t get his phone if he tried. All he could think about is how useless he is. He laid there wide awake with the never ending pain in his chest expanding to his limbs. He thought this was is the time he is going to give up. He can’t try anymore. Barely getting through everyday knowing that you are alive but definitely not living. Despite what his acquaintances think, Dean knows he is intelligent. Which is why he knows that his life is over and will never get better. People like him don’t get better lives.

“DEAN! Why haven’t- holy shit!” He could here a female voice coming from his front door. He was too drowsy to yell back or even turn his head. He could barely hear the girl stomp her way into his home.

“Oh Dean, why do you do this to yourself?” The red head sighed watching her best friend destroy himself to the point of starvation, non-existent hygiene, and drinking himself to death. All of his clothes were scattered around the apartment stained and smelly. Dirty dishes were piled high, fruit flies were swarming and investing the kitchen, and dust was collecting on the counter tops. Worst of all dozens of empty bottles once filled with alcohol were laid next to his bed.

“Charlie, I give up,” were the only words Dean could bare to get out of his mouth and even then they cracked.

All she could do was stare at her best friend in horror. She had no idea his depression had gotten this bad. It's obvious it has been devouring him for most of his life. She wanted to cry for Dean because she was lost. She doesn’t have words to say or actions to help him. She couldn’t bare to look at the broken man’s eyes any longer. She gazed at the ground seeing the dirty carpet at her feet.

“That’s okay Winchester, I have enough fight for the both of us.”  
She took an one eighty and walked out of his bedroom just to find the bathroom. She knew Dean probably wouldn’t be able to stand long enough for a shower so drew him a bubble bath. She made sure that the water was warm and yanked Dean out of bed and pushed him to the tub. She knew he was in critical condition since he didn’t complain about the bubbles. Apparently bubbles were too feminine for the almighty Dean Winchester. As much as she wants to hit him every time he undermines femininity, she wish he would protest now because that’s what Dean would do. Not this Dean. This Dean is an empty shell.  
“Now clean yourself and I’ll try and clean your apartment.” Charlie once again left the room Dean was in, to examine the entire damage.

She picked up the dirty clothes and put them in multiple overflowing bins, put up fly strips to catch all the flying pests, and scrubbed clean and dried every single dish. The rag was put up to good work by wiping the horrid residue off countertops. She vacuumed the clumpy carpet and mopped the spills on the floor. She threw away all the rotten fruit and moldy bread leaving practically nothing in the fridge.  
Charlie walking right into Dean’s room with a large black plastic bag. She sighed, but picked up the variety of different bottles disposing them into the garbage bag. Proud of her work, she searched for clean clothes and found only a pair of boxers and a blank black t-shirt.

The girl gently knocked on the bathroom door, getting a grunt in return. “Hey Dean, are you done? I found some clean clothes for you.” This time there was no response. She opened the door to find Dean sitting in the bath tub with red puffy eyes and some snot running down his his face to his upper lip.

“C'mon, come with me to the living room, I’ll even let you pick the movie.” Charlie was exhausted from cleaning her best friend’s home, but she didn’t dare leave Dean on his own because of her extreme concern for him. She left the clothes on the sink and laid on the couch. She just wants him to be happy and she doesn’t know how to help.

Dean didn’t want to think anymore. Everything hurt. He reluctantly stepped out of the cold water and dried himself off with a ratty towel. He couldn’t stand to look at the broken man in the mirror so he turned around, got changed quickly, and washed his tear stained face. He walked into the living room to find his honorary sister laying on his couch with purple rings beneath her eyes. Then he looked around to admire his apartment. He heard the vacuum, but he had no idea how in shape this place would be when he stopped bathing. Dean is happy to have a friend like Charlie, helping him often, and also trying to work through a friendship that he hasn’t been participating in. Somehow it made him feel even crappier. He felt awful for being a terrible friend to the younger girl and now his apartment is in better shape than he is. He felt pathetic.

He draped a blanket over his friend and walked back into his room, laying on his bed and staring at his ceiling wondering if he could ever be happy again.

~

“Yeah Sam, he’s sleeping.” The green eyed man could hear his best friend whispering quietly to his brother in the living room. “He is more depressed than ever. When I picked the lock to his apartment yesterday and walked in, he was living in a pig sty and he’s been drinking.” Charlie spoke softly trying to calm Sam simultaneously trying to let Dean rest.

“Yeah I’ll let him know, but I’ll have no control of his reaction.” Dean was listening tentatively and he couldn’t hear his brother. He guessed she was on this phone. His body sagged in relief that his younger brother wasn’t in his apartment. The last thing he needs is a meddling moron and embarrassment added to his emotions.

“Okay, see you both then. Bye” Charlie finalized her call and stealthily walked into Dean’s room. She looked toward his bed to see him sitting up and leaning against the headboard, eyes filled with curiosity.

“Charlie, may you tell me what you’re plotting with my baby brother?” Dean was staring at her intently. He was watching her body language to see if she would lie to him. The bed headed girl shifted her feet from side to side, weighing her options. Dean watched her suspiciously as she made up her mind.

“Sam and his roommate are coming to Kansas to visit you,” she replied cautiously.

"Why?" Dean loves his brother and of course wants to see him, but he has a feeling he isn't going to like the reason why Sam and his friend will be here.

Charlie approached Dean and rubbed his arm in sympathy. "We are all very worried about you Dean. We are going to help you, but you need to communicate with us." She tried to stay calm as Dean predictably became increasingly upset.

"I'm fine! I'm a grown ass man who can look after himself. I don't need you or my brother caring for me as if I'm a damsel in distress." His voice was raised defensively.

"Being male has nothing to do with the fact you're going through a rough time." She stated icily.

"I know," Dean sighed to himself. "Sorry, I just don't want my younger brother to take care of me. I'm supposed to take care of him that's how it works." Dean avoided her eyes and started thinking of all the times he took care of Sam. After their mom died in the house fire, John Winchester went mental. He tried looking for the supposed murderer even though the investigators claimed it an accident. He left town taking his kids with him. Dean had to take responsibility of Sam quickly. He cleaned, fed, taught, and took care of him. He now realized how crazy his father was and that he was deprived of his own childhood. At four years old, Dean was raising Sam better than John ever could. He gave his life to his brother. Oh how the tables have turned, now Sam had to take care of Dean.  
He started tugging on his hair in frustration of the situation. He doesn't need anyone. He likes his life the way it is. It's quiet, peaceful, and doesn't change often. The last thing he would need is more change.

The man glanced up at Charlie, only to see love and concern in her eyes. "Okay, where are they staying?"

"Well they want to stay with you if that's okay. Someone can take the spare bedroom and someone else on the couch." Charlie was full of ideas.

"I really don't want two people in my space. I need room for beer-."

"Nope, as of right now you aren't allowed any more alcohol," she said sternly.

"Why?" Dean was angry and confused. No one has the right to tell him what to do. He was getting tired of always needing to follow other's guidelines.

"Dean! I called you repeatedly yesterday and you never picked up. Then I find you in the most disastrous apartment half-dead surrounded by empty bottles. You owe me and what I say is final." She glared at him, daring him to argue.

"Fine." He looked down towards his stomach. "Can we at least go out for some breakfast."

She smiled at his cooperation. "Yeah let's go, I have some ear plugs if the noise is too much."  
That was the moment Dean realized he had a painful headache thumping in his temples. He knew the day could get worse knowing his luck.

"Okay, but I'm driving." He stated sternly. He was able to get a small smile on his face by thinking of the impala. The car is perfect and makes him feel safely at home behind the wheel. "I could use a ride with my baby."

"Why am I not surprised?" She questioned sarcastically.

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes, shot her a dazzling smile, and threw on the nearest clothes he could find.  
They both scampered out the door with their growling stomachs the only thing on their minds.

~

When they arrived at the nearest diner, Dean was ready to murder his beloved best friend. Charlie knew in the back of her mind that Dean hated to be questioned and it's just common sense not to interrogate him. Yet, she couldn't help herself because there were too many unanswered questions she had. She tried to coax him into explaining himself, but it seemed to have the exact opposite effect. He immediately got defensive and shut her out. He wanted to deal with his own problems and he definitely didn't want someone else worrying about him. It was pointless.  
Realizing her mistake, Charlie kept quiet and didn't voice her concern for Dean. Although, she couldn't stop comparing Dean to his father. Dean was kind, empathic, brave, and strong. Even acquaintances knew that.

John Winchester was like that once too. Then he lost everything. He saw his wife die right before his own eyes and the love and fire that burned inside him vanished. John started drinking large amounts of alcohol to cope with the lose of his better half. He stopped parenting his kids, leaving them to fend for themselves, for weeks at a time. It only got worse when he did come back home. John always saw Sam as himself. The little rebel that fought for what he wanted. Therefore, it never hurt to look at him. Dean, though, was the peacemakers. He always tried to remain calm and help everyone else. Just like his mother. So once Dean tucked his baby brother into bed, the beatings started. He couldn't face his son when he appeared to look so much like his mother. John was angry. She had left him. She had left him alone with two kids. She had left him living without her. The only thing that kept John together was when he could feel himself breaking Dean apart. From then on it was an endless cycle of leaving them with some cash, getting wasted, and then coming back to build Sam up and break Dean down. This continued up until the day he drank a little too much and died from alcohol poisoning.

Now Dean started drinking large amounts of alcohol and Charlie is scared.

Dean stepped out of his car and onto the hot pavement and let the radiated heat absorb through out his body. He stretched this joints by lifting his hands above his head and leaning back. He slammed the car door while taking a moment to admire his baby and turned towards Charlie who was already making her way into the diner. He rolled his eyes in annoyance of her impatience and jogged to the entrance door to catch up.  
Together, the duo walked in and seated themselves in the nearest booth. "I get that you're pissed off at me, but could you at least pretend to be friendly." Dean said exasperated to her as she tried to mask the fear for him.

"I'll start acting lovingly towards everyone and everything as soon as I get some coffee." She replied back, smirking at his frustration.

"You have an unhealthy addiction to caffeinated drinks." Dean watched the hunger for coffee in her body language while she impatiently tapped her nail polished fingers on the table.

"At least I'm not addicted to my right hand." She raised an eyebrow at him daring him to argue.

"Whatever, yeah I'll have two eggs, bacon, rye toast, and cherry cola." Dean turned his head to to speak with the young waitress.

"Sure thing sweetheart. And for you darling?" The sweet voice swepted past her lips as she gave Charlie her full attention.

"I would love a cup of coffee." Charlie looked up and put on her cheesiest smile for her. "And maybe a name and a number if you're interested." She threw a wink in for good measure.

The waitress smirked, "My name's Jo and I'll be back with your coffee." She turned and walked away confidently knowing that the pretty red head was looking at her backside.

"Really?" Dean asked Charlie with an amused smile.

"What? She's attractive and you've got to put yourself out there." She was still starstruck by the blonde girl.

"But she doesn't even look gay." Dean said actually confused by the exchange.

"Dean! You can't look like a sexuality. Feminine girls can be lesbians and masculine boys can be gay. Everyone is on a spectrum. You're so ignorant sometimes." This time Charlie was angry with his comments. She doesn't want to continuously teach him things he should already know even though she doesn't blame him for not knowing. "And it doesn't make you any less manly to be attracted to men. Actually if two men are together, doesn't that make them twice as manly?" She saw the way he looked at both men and women (and probably people of other genders) and she knew he has internalized homophobia or maybe he didn't realize it himself.

"Of course, my majesty." He referenced at their LARPing. Every once in awhile they both participated in live action role play of the medieval era. Charlie happens to be the queen of the kingdom and Dean was her best knight. Surprisingly he liked to put on a costume and act like someone else. Putting on a mask in front of people he doesn't know and no one blinks an eye as long as no one hurts each other. It was a relief to him that he could finally be happy and tap into his inner geek.

Right now all he could do was talk to Charlie's forehead. Dean had that awful feeling in his body that he was going to be sick because of the way Charlie was looking at him expectedly. As if he was hiding something.

"You need to learn that I'm always right, handmaiden." Well, he had to work his way up to a knight.

"Heart attack on a plate for the hungover male and a coffee for the beautiful lady in purple." The petite young woman interrupted their conversation and not without an embarrassingly large grin on her face. She laid Dean's plates and drink neatly in front of him with the unspoken warning of how hot the plate is. She then carefully put the coffee cup on the coaster in front of the worried girl. Jo looked at her with a timid small smile.

"Thank you." The best friends said simultaneously together, obviously distracted in their own thoughts. The waitress awkwardly walked away.

Dean tore into his food, thankful for the needed distraction. The freshly cooked eggs and bacon warmed up his mouth. The buttery toast crunched and melted as he ate quickly.

Charlie was losing confidence and was blushing while looking down at her coffee. She was so frustrated that she just stared at the mug in front of her. Finally she picked up the cup to lift to her lips when she saw a piece of paper on top of the coaster. Dean glanced up at her with a questioning eyebrow raised as she picked up and open the note.

"I always give my number out to girls as pretty as you," She read aloud. "Tell your friend that I don't deal with chauvinist crap." This was the moment that she couldn't hold back and fell into an abyss of roaring laughter.

"She totally called you out, Dean!" She explained excitedly. Charlie was liking Jo more by the second. "Oh this is great."

Dean tried to block out everything around him. It shouldn't be a big deal just some teasing. No one actually did anything wrong. It didn't make sense, but it made him feel awful. It was overwhelming and too much to think about. He loves Charlie like a sister, but right now all he can think about is bolting out of the restaurant and speeding out of this town, leaving her and everyone else far behind.  
So he did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

Castiel opened his itchy red eyes and blinked away the the sleep. His head spun as he looked around in confusion. He was stretched out and laying on the couch with his knees tucked up into his chest like a fetal position. Even then, his legs were too long and his feet were in the air and not relaxed on the sofa. He realized his neck ached in pain and he cracked this limbs side to side to feel better. He looked down at his wrinkled trench coat and cringed in discomfort. Castiel felt his dark hair and knew he had a major case of bed head. The stained cushions were like rough pointy rocks and it took a toll on him. The uncomfortable sleeping place would probably still affect him if he didn't get much sleep or a panic attack last night.

He recalled part of last night from his hazy memories and realized he had a emotional heart to heart conversation with his roommate and then was too tired to walk to his bed. Castiel couldn't help but collapse in exhaustion after the two boys had a deep vulnerable discussion on their past and childhood. They are both severely damaged mentally. Castiel felt a tiny bit better though because he thinks he actually made a close friend which in itself is another way to be happy because he is on friendly terms with the person he's living with. This was an exceptionally different perspective for Castiel.

His roommate entered the apartment wearing a sweatshirt and running shorts. His tall long-haired friend glanced towards the couch and an excited, but nervous smile appeared on his face to see Castiel awake.

"Hey Cas, we need to talk." He said and watchs as Castiel shrinks away from him in fear for the worst. "Oh! Nothing bad, I promise. I need a favor though."

"Okay, Sam what seems to be your problem?" Castiel asked while willing his heart rate to slow down to a normal pace.

"Remember when told you about my brother?"

"Of course. You have an older brother. Is that right?" Now he had his head tilted to the left in curiosity.

Sam nodded a positive answer and the obvious look of concern covered his face with the lines on his forehead bulging out and his eye turning a bit glassy. "He's been going through a tough time… well his entire life. Normally, he would bottle up his feelings and keep on surviving the day, but now he's turning to alcohol and shutting down to the point of not leaving his apartment for days and not replying to any text messages." Sam searched his eyes for understanding and Cas nodded in encouragement. "I want to stay with him for awhile to help him, but I'm sure he will shrug me off because I'm his younger brother. I need help." Cas full on stared at Sam in complete confusion. "I need YOUR help." Sam clarifies.

Castiel's bright blue eyes expands in size, dark eyebrows shoot upward, and his bottom jaw drops because of the shock of someone trusting him to help someone they love dearly. His heartbeat thumped angrily and his mind ran all the numerous possibilities that could go wrong. Castiel was ready to cry from being afraid and the pressure put on him. It seemed like everyday he was shedding tears.

"I don't think I can do that. You know my social anxiety interferes with my daily activities and how could I even help?" There was the worried face on Castiel again. The heartbreaking facial expression where he's contemplating his worth.

"Cas, you're my best friend and I have faith in you- actually I don't because faith is without evidence." Castiel raises an eyebrow and made a 'hmmm' sound at this because it sounds like something he would say. "I know you can help my brother by just being yourself. Please come with me?" Sam was pleading now obviously desperate for his help.

"You wish for me to join you to visit your brother so I can talk to and help him?"

"Yes!" Sam agreed eagerly.

"Okay." He was able to show a small smile. "I'll try and help. I promise."

"Now that that's over with." Sam sighed with relief. "Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday. More importantly our conversations."

"Not really, I'm fine." Cas mumbled into his lap. His wall came up to hide his true feelings.

"Well, just know that I accept you and there will always be an extra spot at the dinner table at family gatherings because you are a brother to me." Sam stated seriously.

That must have been the moment the salty poison started to poor out his eyes like a never ending river that couldn't be stopped by even the strongest and tallest dam. They dripped down his face and onto the ground. Anyone would think he was distraught. In reality, he couldn't remember feeling this safe and content since his early childhood. He never thought his craving for family would stop, but here his was sitting on a cheap sofa looking up to his own honorary brother. Even Sam, though, couldn't stop the empty feeling in his chest. The aching feeling of the need to hold someone or even be held, to make out with someone for no good reason, and for that special person give him a reason to live. Some people may call it romantic frustration, like sexual frustration, but with a more deep connection. The feeling would never stop though. Not in his lifetime.

"Thank you." Cas whispers harshly into his hands trying to wipe his tears as fast as possible. He knows he doesn't sound grateful, but Sam seems to understand his unspoken words and knows that it's quite the opposite.

"Of course!" Sam grinned down at him.

The blue eyed boy caught his breath and reminded himself that family is who you make it out to be.

"So get this, I heard that there is a cool art show is going to be in Lawrence, which is where my brother lives." Sam was bouncing in excitement while telling his friend the news. "Tell me your thoughts on that!"

"Are you implying that I should create and submit my own art work?" Asked the tired boy looking up to the tall man from the couch.

"Well yeah, I think it'll be a good experience for you." Sam sat down next to Castiel, never breaking eye contact. He wiggled his eyebrows and displayed his goofy grin.

"You are awfully annoying Sam Winchester." Castiel stated matter-of-factly. In return the male put on his pleading face with the watery puppy dog eyes. "But it does seem like a great opportunity." Cas spoke calmly and carefully his shy quiet voice leaving his mouth.

"Yes!" Yelled Sam in victory. The childish man jumped around their apartment filled with bliss. His long brown hair flapped around his face and his multi colored eyes gleamed in happiness.

Castiel couldn't hold back the small smile peaking from his lips as he watched his friend make a fool of himself.

"Okay, I'll do it. I have been working on a piece already." Castiel thought out loud. Inconveniently, letting Sam know even more information.

"That's great, Cas! What is it? I'm guessing a painting, right?" Sam asked. The young man was always looking for the details and he was quite interested. Sam sat down next to Castiel on the sofa and gave him his full attention.

"Sam, go back to jogging and please leave me to sleep." Cas said. He was rolling his eyes, but smiling in amusement at the attention.

"Okay sleepyhead. I need to head to work anyway." Sam's face contorted into a look of disgust just thinking about standing behind a cash register all day.

Sam got up and headed to his room to get changed in a more suitable outfit.

Cas was content with the thought of more sleep, but he knew he had to at least get to his bed. The ache in his neck probably is telling him not to sleep on the couch anymore.

Castiel reluctantly shuffled towards his bedroom door. He barely glanced at his surroundings because of his comfort and easiness around the familiar atmosphere. The picture of his brother, Gabriel and him hung next to his dresser on one side of his room. Anyone can tell in the background they are outside with tall trees surrounding them and a mark of mud framing Gabriel's face. That was a good day. The necklace with two spread wings laid on the bedside table. It was a present from his mother. He just couldn't bare to trash the beautiful piece of jewelry.

He crashed face down on his bed without a care in the world. A soft pillow cradled his neck and head. The soft cushion gave him comfort and he could slow down his breathing to a calm pace. Castiel could hear when Sam left their apartment and his body sagged in relief. He wants Sam around, but with too much human interaction it can be exhausting. Cas closed his eyes and willed himself to get another hour of sleep.

After twenty minutes of no sleep, Castiel got restless and turned to face the art supplies piling up on his dresser. A few different sized paint brushes, small containers of various colored paints, thick sketching paper, and a sharpened pencil was scattered across the surface.

Cas smiled as he stood up to collect a few objects and stared at the blank canvas paper. He decided it wasn't a good time to start a new piece and grabbed the artwork he was previously working on. He ran his fingers over the painting in endearment. It showed a a mixture of shiny purple and blue in the background with gold falling out of the sky like raindrops. There was a blue eyed, dark haired man, wearing a trench coat standing in the middle of the picture. He was looking straight ahead of him with large black wings sprouting out if his back. Castiel just needed to finish some of the details and the painting would be completed. He was pleasantly surprised by the outcome of the picture because usually his artwork was a way to cope with his problems. He wasn't expecting to make himself into in angel.

So Cas sat back on his bed and spread out his materials to continue with his project. Truth be told he is excited to meet Sam's brother and participate in this art show. He needs to move on in his life and meeting new people and gaining opportunities is a perfect way.

By the time Sam got home, Castiel was asleep again with one paint brush in his hand and his painting laying on the ground beside his bed. Sam peeked into his bedroom when he heard Cas softly snoring. He smiled in amusement before he started getting worried. Sam approached his bed and he gently shook Castiel awake.

"Cas, have you been sleeping at night? You look exhausted." Sam asked when he saw his friend's blue eyes appear from underneath his eyelids.

"Yes, I have actually been sleeping all day and most of the night." Once again Castiel rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He shifted around in discomfort because he is seated upright surrounded by paint instead of pillows.

"I can't stop dreaming of the normal life I used to have." Cas could barely get out the words, but he whispered the truth to his friend. He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart.

Sam looked down and searched for any sort of happiness in Castiel. All he could observe and sense in pain and loneliness.

"Well, I'm going to get changed into something more comfortable. How about you do the same and I'll make your favorite meal." Sometimes you need to be strong for your family even if it weighs you down. He's grateful that Castiel would give him a little bit of the burden on his shoulders.

"Thank you," Castiel said. He couldn't help, but avoid eye contact. It's difficult to get your own feelings out in the open. "I miss them so much. Even with the way they treated me." Cas continues brokenly.

Cas' memories haunts him every time he closes his eyes. He has been traumatized by his childhood. Now there is the death of his mother. Everything is confusing and mixed up in chaos.

Cas stared at the blank white wall in front of him and tried to collect his thoughts in an orderly fashion. Sam took one last glance in the room before scurrying of to his own room to change. The tired dark haired boy tried to taking in his surroundings in order to calm himself down. People can calm down from anxiety attacks when they breathe deeply and use their five senses. He felt the soft mattress beneath his body and his blanket tucked around his with warmth. He smelt the his own cologne in the air that had the sense of familiarity. He could hear the quiet sound of Sam shuffling around their kitchen. He laid back down on his fluffy, but sturdy pillows. He looked at the ceiling and took in the rough white paint covering the wall. He got dizzy when he followed his ceiling fan around and around. He felt temporarily at peace.

"Cas! Come help me." Sam called from the kitchen.

"Ugh," the man grunted and headed towards his friend's voice. "How was your day, Sam?"

"Actually it was a bit stressful." Sam hesitated.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Tell me all about your stressful day."

"Fine," Sam groaned. "I'm more nervous than anything. Jessica and I have been dating for a while and she wants me to meet her parents." He told him while grabbing the burger meat from the fridge. "That's fine by me, but I'm worried. I mean technically, I'm a college dropout and now I'm working at Walmart! I always thought Jess is out of league, but I don't need her flesh and blood to point it out."

"So instead of telling Jess about this lack of confidence you've been having, you are letting it eat at you. Which in avoidance of discussing this you have been declining her calls which is making her think that you're going to leave her. When in reality it's quite the opposite." Cas pointedly said.

Sam guiltily watched the meat sizzle on the pan in front of him.

"Go call your girlfriend." Cas lectured exasperated.

"Thanks Cas!" Sam gave him a hug in which Castiel awkwardly returned. He ran off to his room to have a chat with his love.

"Assbutt," Castiel naturally hollered back at him. Apparently telling the truth makes you a love guru.

After the hamburgers were cooked, Cas assumes that their phone call will last for awhile. This gave Castiel time for a phone call himself. He grabs his new cellphone and lightly scrolls down his contact list until the tip of his thump reads 'Gabriel.' He contemplated calling because his brother usually just makes him upset. He tapped his name anyway and the phone automatically dialed his number.

"Well hello Cassie! It's been a while," the device rang out.

"Hello, Gabriel."

"Why the sudden call little bro? Do you need to be bailed out of jail? Do you need drugs? I can help you hide a body." Castiel audible groaned. "Do you need to break into a house? Would you like me to assonate an enemy?" 

"NO!" Cas is regretting this call already. "I just wanted to call my brother is that so unordinary?"

"Uh yes. You hate using technology and you hate associating yourself with me. I'm a bit suspicious," Gabriel adds cautiously.

"I just wanted to talk to you," he said sheepishly.

"Yup, and I'm calling bullshit." Gabriel sung the last word in a teasing tone. "There is absolutely no way you picked up your phone and called me just to talk. What do you want?"

"I just told you, Gabe. I just want to talk."

"Yeah, and I just want to have sex with everyone that gives me a second look. That doesn't mean I do it." Gabe reasons- well tries to reason. "As I said, I know you're bullshitting me. Now tell me what's going on."

"Well I'm sorry I wanted to talk to the only biological family member I've got left!" Cas exploded.

He could hear the shocked gasp on the other line and immediately wanted to revoke his words. "Cassie, I'm sorry. It's just-."

"Forget that I said anything." Cas interrupted. "It doesn't matter." He was pressing the end button, but he heard Gabriel declaring that he'll visit soon.

 

Chapter 3

The pounding in his brain echoed throughout his head. His clothes were covered in sweat and he had no idea of his surroundings. He grumpily rubbed his forehead and swung his legs over the side of the couch. Dean knows he recognizes this place, but it's definitely not his home.

"Hello Dean, I'm glad you're up. Do you need any medication? You must be hungover." Says a strange deep voice. Dean turned his head only to be filled with shock when his eyes met the beautiful stranger. Dean mostly focused in on his magical blue eyes. He was in awe of such beauty.

"Are you an angel?" Dean asks incoherently. He swore that there was light shining down on him. The perfect stranger was glowing. He didn't wait for an answer because he immediately passed back out on the couch, hearing the sound of his brother's endless laughter in the background.

Earlier That Day

Dean needs to clear his head and his way of coping is a long drive. He sat comfortably in his beloved car and continued listening to the soft hum of the radio. Dean definitely has a soft spot for his car. His theory is that his baby never has let him down. Sure the impala has broken down, but she has always given him a place of comfort, a home. So he soared along the rocky backroads and smooth paved highways. He doesn't have a destination in mind. He needed somewhere anywhere, but the town he was living in. The thought of walking up to his apartment door was making him sick because he felt like he did not belong. That was his problem though, he doesn't belong anywhere.

Soon the morning sun was setting and then the moon was high in the sky. He was exhausted by being left alone with his thoughts. The sinking stone stayed in his stomach and he knew he needed a distraction. He pulled his impala into a parking spot, his eyes traveled up to scoop out the bar in front of him. Dean needs his mind to stop thinking.

He grabbed his dead phone, keys and wallet and left his car. The chill air nipped at Dean's face causing him to pull his jacket tighter against his body. The ground crunched underneath his hiking boots as he hesitantly headed towards the building in curiosity. The voice of reason in the back of his head warned him that alcohol is not the answer, but Dean is still overwhelmed and ignored his logical conscious.

He pushes the door open and calculates his surroundings. There's a long bar table full of men and women alike getting completely wasted. There are tables in center, pool tables, and booths lined up on the opposite side of the wall. The noise is deafening, but he can barely make out the sound of, Wheel in the Sky by Journey blasting throughout the bar.

He sat down on the nearest bar stool and waved at the bartender to take his order. The buff man gave Dean a questioning look and he took that as his cue. "Double shot of vodka," he croaked in discomfort. It has been since he used his voice last.

The bartender had one eyebrow raised as he poured a steady stream of brown liquid into the shot glass in front of him. He set the bottle on one side of the table and slammed the glass down in front of Dean. He took no hesitation and lifted the glass to his lips and tipped the the cup up until the bottom of the glass was parallel to the ceiling and the burning liquor disappeared down Dean's throat. The vodka burned inside him in a way that he could finally relax because he felt the familiar sensation. Dean leaned into the bar table and tapped is cup impatiently waiting for another round. The man in front of him frowned and rolled his eyes in annoyance to Dean's attitude. Nonetheless, he spilled more alcohol into the glass and turned his attention to another customer.

He felt a small hand land firmly on his bicep. He turned to see an hour glass shaped lady smiling at him. The girl wore ripped jeans and a plain pink t-shirt. She took the empty seat next to him.

"Sorry, sweetheart but I can't do a hookup right now. So no I will not buy you a drink." He stated matter of factly.

Her smile immediately turned into a grimace. "Actually asshole," she burned her eyes into Dean's "I was going to ask if you were alright judging by the way you are draining liquor and moping. But now I'll just ignore you and pretend that there isn't a sexist dick next to me." She glared at him in hatred. He opened his mouth to apologize, but he was interrupted. "By the way, I can pay for my own damn drink." She turned away angrily and walked out of the bar.

He couldn't believe how much of a jerk he is coming off as to everyone. He laid his head onto the palms of his hand trying to breathe properly. The slowly inhaled through his nose and out through his mouth. Humiliation and embarrassment swept through his veins. He can't do anything right. Not even a simple conversation. Fortunately, the scene didn't bring any attention to himself. The place is way too loud and rowdy. That didn't matter to him though because it felt like the world was against him. Just pointing a finger at him and laughing at how pathetic he is. He wouldn't dare lift his head to see the non existent glares directed towards him.

"Rough day?" Dean heard the southern drawl and lifted his head up to match the voice to the face.

The bartender intensely looked at him expecting an answer. Dean sat up straighter and grimaced at him. "Man, you have no idea."

"I've worked here a long time and I've heard some pretty ridiculous and also traumatic experiences. I can assure you that anything you say will not shock me." He took this into consideration. "The name's Benny," he grinned as he poured Dean another drink.

"Really? Tell me your most ridiculous problem you heard." Dean was now able to relax his shoulders and interact with the person in front of him. "I'm Dean," he added as an afterthought.

"Well let me set the scene for you, Dean." He nodded in anticipation. "The girl came in wearing very expensive looking clothing into this crappy bar. She's practically in tears and she orders a drink. I get it for her and being the nice person I am, I ask what's wrong. She broke down in tears and was mumbling on and on, but I couldn't quite figure what she was talking about." Benny paused trying not to let a chuckle out. "I finally heard her say that her dad wouldn't buy her ANOTHER car until she turned twenty-two."

Dean jaw dropped and it seemed the alcohol was getting to him because he started laughing uncontrollably. "That's awesome," he replied with a smile after his laughing fit.

"Now tell me Dean, what's eating you?" Benny glanced at him curiously as he continued to get drinks for the other people at the long table.

That sobered Dean up quickly. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts.

"Well for starters I promised my best friend that I'd stop drinking and look at me now." Disappointment in himself was an understatement. He wanted to scratch his skin off in anger of himself. He never did anything right. It's his fault. Technically he didn't agree to anything, but the pity he will see in Charlie's eyes. He couldn't go back home. She is probably getting sick if him anyway. No one needs him around.

"Don't beat yourself up, brother. It's okay to make mistakes and give into temptation." Benny gave him a kind smile that reached his eyes. Somehow Dean knew he was speaking from experience and he's telling the truth. "But I'll have to withhold the vodka for now. How about a beer?" He suggests.

"Yeah, that would be for that best," he sighed.

"I don't think that's the main issue here though. So how about you tell me why you have that guilt ridden look on your face." Benny insisted.

"I'll tell you my life story if you tell me why you look like you've seen some messed up things." Dean could see it in his eyes. Behind the kindness and the care there was fear.

"Sorry brother, but I'd need a drink for that and I'm on the clock."

Dean shrugged his forgiveness. It's not like he would've spilled his guts anyway. He turned on the stool to get another look around the room. He was a about to make his way to the pool table when he sees him.

The tall lean man stood with his back against the wall. He can see the worry lines cover his forehead from a crossed the room. His pale skin covered in skinny black pants and a tan overcoat. One of his hands was covering his face in laughter and his dark brown hair swayed from side to side in the movement. It was like the entire room went dull and he was the object making it shine. Just like a bright star in the devouring sky of darkness. He could no longer hear the sound of the radio or the arguments with the older men to his side. All he could hear is the faint chuckle off the man twenty feet from him. He wanted him.

Which is why Dean jumped and spilled his beer on himself when Benny was suddenly talking in his ear. "Sorry kid, he ain't one for one-night-stands." He wanted to bolt in that moment, but instead he yanked Benny's rag from the bar table and attempted to save his shirt from more damage.

"Shut up," he answered angrily. "Break out the whiskey." The dazed boy demanded.

"Are you sure?" He hesitated.

"NOW!" The southern man raised his hands in surrender and slowly moved to accommodate him. Dean had to roll his eyes at his lack of speed.

He refused to glance back at the male practically modeling behind him and downed the whiskey easily. His brain decided for itself that he needed to see the man again so he not so subtlety turned to get another look. He looked gorgeous, Dean just had to talk to him. The green eyed man darted closer only to then be frozen in shock.

"Dean?" His baby brother asked in complete confusion. Dean needed to leave now. He needs to run away from the people he already knows and disappointed. He could run back to Charlie with the sudden new energy he had, but he was stuck in place. He saw Sam standing next to the attractive deep blue eyed male and he couldn't leave his eyes. It was an addiction already and the other guy didn't seem to mind his gaze at all.

Wow I need tequila for this, he thought.

"Hey Sammy, how could you have gotten any taller?" He joked.

"Wow! It is you. I can't believe it. How are you? What are you doing here? When did you get-" Sam started spewing questions. It reminded Dean of when Sam was five or six and his favorite word was why. He could go on for days asking any question that appeared in his mind for a millisecond. Why is the sky blue? If aliens are real then why haven't they made contact with humans? Why isn't dad here yet? Why does Santa bring presents to millions of children around the world in one night, then demand cookies? Dean used to find it endearing. He was older after all, his younger brother looked up to him like he had the answer to every question imaginable.

Right now though, the questions made Dean's head spin unpleasantly. He was overwhelmed in confusion until an unusually dark deep voice interrupted.

"Sam, aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Oh yeah, Dean this my best friend, Castiel. Cas this is my brother, Dean." Sam introduced.

"Hello Dean," Castiel smiled at him.

Dean was awkwardly star struck and just stared at the Cas. His drunken mind isn't functioning so he didn't reply. Cas' once inviting face transformed into cold and guarded as the silence continued. 

"Uh Dean not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you here?" Sam was very confused and couldn't keep his eyes off the bottle in Dean's hands.

"I just needed to- uh leave," he stumbled. "The same scenery was making me sick. It gets boring there, right Sam? You always wanted to leave."

~

Suddenly Sam wasn't in a nearby bar with his brother and best friend. He was in Lawrence watching his Dad and brother.

Dean was younger with chubby cheeks and a higher pitched voice. He wore a dark hoodie and jeans with his hair tossed to one side. He was standing next to the stove pouring noodles into the boiling pot. Periodically, he would give Sam a comforting smile. Sam stared in shock.

"It will only be a few more minutes, Sammy. Don't worry. Get back to studying, geek." He laughed to himself.

Then the door slammed open. Their father came in staggering around with a crazed look in this eyes. "Why is this place such a mess?" He questioned his young children. "Dean, why aren't you feeding Sam? How long does it take to cook pasta."

Sam could hear John cursing Dean under his breath and his hand curled into a fist with anger.

"I'm sorry, sir." Dean answers quietly.

"Always apologizing. Why can't you do anything right?" His dad retorted angrily.

"I had a bad day at school and Sam wanted to go to the library." Dean started to answer him.

That must've been the moment John snapped. He grabbed Sam's history text book and chucked it towards Dean's face. The teenager saw it coming and jumped out of the way, but the book hit the pot making the pot flip over and boiling water spill onto Dean's arms and chest.

"All I hear are excuses!" John bellowed out in hatred. "And you know who whines? Babies."  
Dean whimpered in pain of the burning heat now on his body. It felt like he could be on fire.

"Dad, STOP! You cannot keep treating us like this." Sam yelled scared out of his mind, but spoke up anyway. It was like he was trapped in his younger body.

"If you don't like it, why don't you just leave, Sam?" With that statement John walked back out the door.

"I want to leave! All you ever done is drink and disappoint. You have missed all my birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgivings, and every single academic award ceremony. Dean is practically raising me himself and your too cowardly to admit it. I'm never going to get the life I deserve because you're always walking out on me- on us. All you care about is yourself. Yet despite everything you can't treat either one of us with respect! What kind of father are you?" Sam's eyes burned holes into the tightly shut door. The thought of his father hearing anything he just said sent chills up spine. Sam wanted to run far away from his supposed home, but immediately calmed down when he realized Dean was still standing in place trembling.

Dean was on the brink of tears, but somehow got his emotions in check and dumped the remaining food into the sink. He took off his sweatshirt and hanged it on the chair next to Sam's and refused to make eye contact with him. Sam remained silent and observed his reaction. He looked ashamed and Sam had no idea why. His older brother should be enraged not ashamed. Dean turned back around to fetch a bowl of cereal for his baby brother.

~

 

"I guess it can get kind of boring." Sam announced cautiously. "That doesn't explain why you're in a bar when you know you shouldn't be drinking alcohol…"

"It got overwhelming," he tried to mumble over his slightly slurred speech.

"What was overwhelming?" Sam asked genuinely curious.

"Everything." Dean grumbled under his breathe.

"Dean, why can't you give me a straight answer for once in your life!" He knew he should be gentle and supportive, but he couldn't help being agitated with his older sibling.

Again Dean had his head tilted down in the usual look of being ashamed. He just couldn't help that there was a little voice in the back of his head repeating all sorts of different phrases.

you're just an unloved orphan

worthless

even your own father didn't love you

pathetic

you can't do anything right

stupid

no one cares about you

hopeless

Sam probably wishes you were dead

Dean let out a pained whimpering like a badly wounded puppy dog. "Stop." He murmured to himself repeatedly.

"Dean?" Sam reached out his rough hand to give his brother a comforting pat on his shoulder, but Dean immediately flinched back in fear. He looked up with a crazed look in his eyes and Sam was getting more concerned by the second.

Dean watched his baby brother's eyes shine in fear for Dean as if he would lash out like an animal in a trapped cage thrashing his claws through the bars. He slightly turned his head to watch Castiel full on stare at him as if he was a unsolved five hundred piece puzzle that was missing most of the pieces and were scrambled across the table. He decided to sit down at their table not caring if they joined him or continued standing.

Dean made eye contact with Sam and said, "Everything is overwhelming. I can't move without making it feel like running a marathon. I can't talk without feeling like I chugged a container of hot sauce. I can't think without my mind turning numb." People may think that Dean is just frustrated, but he can't even feel that anymore. "Life is exhausting and I'm tired." He finished.

"I'm glad you're talking about this, Dean."

"You are such a little bitch."

"Jerk… don't make me call Charlie." The taller man chuckled knowing fully that Dean would be profusely lectured until he learns the mistakes he was taught and fixes them.

"Who is Charlie?" The brothers' heads snapped towards Castiel.

Dean tapped his fingers impatiently on the table in front of him. "Better yet what kind of name is Castiel?"

"The kind you use to acknowledge people because that's what they refer to themselves as." Cas answered annoyed with slight confusion.

"Duh, but no normal parents in their right minds would name their kid Castiel." He replied without hesitation. "So are your parents on crack? Or are they just plain stupid?"

"Dean!" Sam was a little astonished by his brother's behavior. Of course he is rude, but never like this. Especially with people he just met.

"My parents named me after an angel." Cas rolled his eyes.

"Did it hurt?" Dean purposely wondered out loud.

"Dean, don't." His little bro protested.

"Did what hurt?" Cas sighed.

"When you fell from heaven?" Dean flirted. He was too relaxed with the vodka soaring through his veins.

"Why are you implying that I ever fell?" Castiel surprised himself by raising an eyebrow sarcastically.

"Well why would an angel, like you, talk to me?" It took a sad turn that Dean didn't want to admit, but it felt like he could easily talk to Castiel. Even when he looked annoyed by Dean's very presence.

"Good things do happen, Dean." Cas mumbles quietly.

Sam Smith's Stay With Me interrupted the two men. Ironically, Sam reached in his pocket to answer the call.

Castiel and Dean used this opportunity to examine each other. Castiel was still put off by Dean's rudeness and anger. He could tell that he's a jackass basically a dick, but usually people like that put up a front so they don't have to face reality. It's quite tedious. Based on Dean's earlier discussion it's obviously something is wrong in his life that should be mended. It may be harder to keep his promise to his best friend.

Dean on the other hand is too caught up in the mixture of sadness of seeing his baby brother and the sudden new feeling taking over his body being in close proximity to this new person. Of course he is excited to see Sam, but it was a punch in the stomach whenever Sam looks at him. He looks disappointed and Dean has already disappointed too many people in his life. His one goal was to make Sam happy. His friend, Castiel happens to be gorgeous. The man is so beautiful it either made him want to run in the other direction or stay close and learn all about him.

"Jessica needs me so I'm heading to her apartment now." Sam said, making them jump out of their observations.

"Ooooooh who's Jessica? Is she your girlfriend?" Dean teased.

"No Dean, she is a unicorn that likes to slow dance with me to AC/DC. We fly to the end of rainbows so we can steal all the gold from leprechauns." He groaned out.

"No need to be mean." Dean grumbled to himself.

Castiel chose to ignore him. "Is everything okay Sam? Anything I can help with?" Cas was getting nervous because of Sam's look of fear after he announced where he's going.

"I just need to check on her. Her parents made her upset." He wore a face of guilt as if he caused the entire problem. "Could you possibly take Dean back to our apartment? He'll crash on the couch, but it wouldn't hurt to have someone watch over him."

"Hello!? I'm right here and I can handle myself. I'm not even tipsy. I can hold my liquor," he ranted. "I don't need anyone to be my fairy godmother.

They both ignored him. Cas silently nodded his head yes and Sam immediately made a bee line for the door.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Dean screeched and banged his fist on the table.

"You are undeniably agitating." Castiel replied calmly.

"You are treating me like a child." He spoke infuriated.

"You are acting like a child." Cas provoked.

"You're the child," Dean said back hostility. "Child."

"Dean, I think you need to relax."

In response, he tried to chug the half filled beer down. Castiel glared and eyed him in disapproval.

"What?" The alcoholic asked insecurely.

"I can't let you do that." Cas grabbed the other man's wrist and Dean shot up out of the wooden chair and let go of the glass bottle in the process. The bottle shattered on the floor and the broken pieces scattered around in chaos along with most of the burning liquid. Dean looked down. Not at the broken glass, but the hand firmly clenched around his wrist. Castiel continues glaring being revolted by Dean's choices. A few people near them turn to see what fell and turned back to their conversations just as quickly. Benny shook his head and muttered something under his breath and started looking for a broom and dust pan behind the bar. Dean was once again perplexed by his frozen state and just took in the feeling of someone touching him.

"Dean, I think we should leave." Cas stated distressed.

"Why?" Dean whined. He smoothly stroked the side of Cas' face with his unretained hand.

"Dean please, stop." He suggested in a hushed tone.

"Don't you like the comfort of another person's skin Castiel? It feels amazing." He softly replied stepping closer.

"Do you boys mind moving?" A gruff southern voice called out destroying Dean's moment of peace.

Castiel yanked away from Dean. The green eyed man pulled a couple twenties of of his pocket and threw them at the table. "Thanks." He muttered. The leather jacket wearing man left Castiel in the dust because he took off outside to his car.

"I'm not letting you drive in your condition." Cas announced behind Dean. He observed the man that had one hand on the door handle with a grimace on his face. A burst of wind washed over his face and he looked up to meet Castiel's eyes.

"You break her and I break you." He threatened. Dean set the car keys on top of the roof and stomped around to the passenger side. Once inside the car he got into a slouched position, crossed his arms, and humphed rather loudly to make sure Cas understood how upsetting the situation was for him. This only made him roll his eyes and put the car into gear slightly quicker.

"Children pout when they don't get their way" Cas mumbled to Dean.

"So do adults when they wish to be a child on the inside." He uttered. "I'm a more masculine version of Peter Pan."

"I don't understand that reference." He asserted in a confused voice.

"Really dude? I swear you aren't from this era." He shook his head with a smile. "Well if you're Sam's friend, I guess I have to educate you."

The drive to Castiel's home consisted of Dean reciting the fairytale of Peter Pan while Cas stayed entertained even though he couldn't tell the difference between Dean's tipsy ramblings and the classic story. After Dean stopped describing Captain Hook, he stopped his story telling to compliment his newly found friend on his appearance.

"Ya know Cassss, I like the pretty colors of your eyes. Not to mention the dark sex hair you have going on." Dean sighed happily until a disturbing thought crossed his mind. "Youarenotdatinganyone." He is slurred stinking his words together like superglue. "Are you?"

At this point, Castiel zoned Dean out of his mind. While the compliments increased his self esteem, he's sure Dean would never say things like this sober so they're obviously a lie. Sam talks about his older brother a lot. He's the bad boy that gets all the girls with a soft side only family can see. He also is a dick to anyone who doesn't fit in those two categories. Cas can't let himself feel anything for a man that needs a comforting hand. Emotions getting involved might make it harder for Dean, as if he would give Cas another glance. Castiel knows he's too damaged to have a partner it's just the facts of life.

"Castiel!" Yelled Dean in a panic.

"What's wrong?"

"Are you dating anyone?"

"Why you interested?" Cas answered with a snarky sarcastic smirk.

"Of course, angel. You are perfect."

This got his attention. Cas stared wide eyed in front of the open road in front of him. No one has ever said such nice things to his for the exception of his brother and Sam, but even they would never say something like this. "I'm not perfect Dean. Far from it actually. I'm damaged and broken." He admitted to both himself and the passenger sourly.

"Your wings are so admirable. Why don't you spread them and fly?" Dean asked. Castiel took a quick glance over to see Dean completely losing his mind. Dean sat and watched every movement and searched every inch of the man. It was like someone dangled a clock watch in front of him causing him to be brainwashed. Just as fast, he continued his mindless talking like Castiel's heart isn't growing by each flattering statement. "Are you afraid of flying, too? I am. I hate airplanes it makes me so uncomfortable and knowing my luck I board the plane that crashes. Did you know the number of plane crashes every year? Yeah I don't either, but there has to be more than one. Actually maybe I might go on a plane." He declared,

"Why would you go on a plane if you're terrified they will crash?" Cas engaged in the humorous conversation.

"Well, before I was scared of dying. Right now, it doesn't seem so bad." Dean used a quiet voice like he was trying to keep his confession a secret.

He sighed at the not-so humorous conversation anymore. He pulled the Impala into a parallel parking outside Sam and his apartment. He car skidded to a stop and Cas planted the keys in Dean's hands.

"Why must you be so negative? What happened to you that made you want to die, but decided to torture yourself instead?" He told him with a twinge of frustration.

"Dude, no chick flick moments!" Dean exclaimed in disbelief.

"Dude," Castiel mocked. "You have been flirting with me and then make depressing comments and you're telling me no 'chick flick moments.' That's unbelievably ironic."

Dean didn't make a comment just frowned and listened to the thoughts in his head running a mile a minute.

Alcohol

Castiel

Sleep

Cas

Perfection

Castiel leaned his head against the back of the chair in annoyance. He can't tell if anything he says is getting through to him or does it just go in one ear and out the other. He closed his eyes and imagined what life would be like if he was God. It made him relax because in this world in his mind he's in control. He could choice life and death in the palm of his hand. Nothing would be simply black and white. Everything would be in unalike hues of gray. The variety of thoughts and opinions would be lost in the veil of life. People would be filled with hope instead of hopeless vulnerability. Sad and enraged tears would turn into beautiful colorful fireworks floating into the sky. Sleepless nights would be tired smiles lost in love. Screams of desperation would be dreams of favorite memories able to repeat on command. Windows of time can last for as long as he wanted. Maybe he'd help Dean, maybe he's just lonely.

"Cas?" Dean croaked.

Castiel turned his face to see an unknown reason of tears in the corners of his eyes. He sighed. He knows Dean needs control and attention, Above all else, if Castiel was God, he'd make sure Dean would no longer suffer.

"C'mon Dean, let's get you inside."

"B-but." He sounds almost childish.

"No butts!" Cas scolded.

Dean erupted into blustering laughter.

"I don't understand." Castiel said surprised by his reaction.

"You said butt!"

This put a small smile on his face and saw the tears disappear and dimples introduce themselves on his face. Dean's freckles were scattered across his nose and cheeks with random organization. Castiel felt the urge to reach out and feel the soft skin under his fingertips. He fought the feeling and instead just stared and the man still bubbling with laughter.

"You said butt, too!" Cas defensively protested with confusion seeping into his voice.

Dean chuckled even more and is struggling to breathe. He's hunched over with one hand gripping his stomach and one bracing himself on the car door. Castiel couldn't help but sit and listen to the soft happy music ringing in his ears. He mentally made musical notes to the sound of his voice. Cas reached out and patted Dean on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. This caused Dean to take a deep breath and slowly halt the laughs to a stop.

"That was the most I laughed in a long time." Dean admitted. His small sad smile grew into a grin. "Well, what are you waiting for? Show me my brother's lovely apartment."

"It's my apartment, too." Cas responded with an eye roll. He opened the impala door and slowly starting making his way across the parking lot. He can hear the uncertain footsteps tagging along behind him. "We got this far, it would be completely incompetent to kill you now." He hollered to the drunk boy.

"Yeah, I'm coming," he grumbled back.

That's how they ended up walking side by side down a poorly lit hallway and up the chipped painted stairway of the apartment building. The eerie silence wasn't awkward, but maybe comforting. The newly formed friends didn't have to make small talk or even look at one another to know that the other person is right by their side, in more ways than the one literal sense.

"Here we are," Cas spoke the words he was dreading. Castiel has enough common sense to know that the other man couldn't care less about what the apartment complex looked like or what shape it's in. That doesn't make less scary to be vulnerable to a practical stranger. His room and his art work is his life and his safe haven. It's already difficult as it is letting Sam in, but he hardly knew Dean. He reached into his pocket of his key and unlocked the door. He desperately tried to ignore the breath on the back of his neck, but instead of it freaking it out, it calmed him down.

He hesitantly pushed the door open revealing his and Sam's home. Castiel remains in shock until the man behind him gently pushes the palm of his hand into the small of his back. They entered into the messy living room. Dean immediately sobered up and took a minute to observe the place. From he can see the previously white walls are covered by paint with pictures and quotes. A small couch leaned against the wall with a cheap TV on the opposite side. A coffee table was conveniently placed in front of the sofa. He can see the tiny kitchen and a big dining table in his right side. Where Dean is standing he can also see three doors which were probably two bedrooms and a bathroom.

Cas grabs some empty plates off the dining table and places them in the kitchen sink. Dean used his distraction to appreciate some of the artwork more carefully. There's a bird planted on a tree branch the seemed to be looking down at all the other creations. There are bold black letters wrapped around a deep blue tardis that say, “We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?” He looks towards the bottom of the wall to see a battle between water and fire crashing against each other.

"Do you like it?" An intimidated voice interrupts his evaluation. "I did them all myself. Sam seems to thinks they're cool, but I haven't really had a second person to judge them."

"You're really talented, Cas." Dean whispers in admiration. "Just when I didn't think you could be anymore awesome. You showed me these paintings that are incredible. To say that I'm impressed is an understatement."

Castiel sighed in relief, "I'm glad they reached your satisfaction."

"Dude, you could be a multimillionaire with this type of handiwork. Don't sell yourself short." Dean spun around to see heart breaking lyrics and quotes along with many realistic painted pictures.

"Thank you, Dean."

"No problem, man. Now which door is the bathroom? I want to get this awful taste is my mouth to go away and then hit the hay."

"The first door on your left. Do you need any sleepwear?"

"Yeah that'd be great. You can just steal something from Sam's room." Dean said already heading towards the bathroom.

Cas weighed his options. Sam gets touchy when people go into his room and he definitely doesn't like people going through his stuff. Cas can easily lend Dean some of his clothes, they're a little big on him anyway.

Dean glared daggers into his reflection of the mirror above the sink. There's no way he is good enough for Castiel, he's not even good enough for Sam, or Charlie, or Bobby, or himself for that matter. He poured water into his cupped hands and ran it down his face to refresh him. He dried his hands on the towel hanging on the shower rack and set the brand new toothbrush on the side if the sink. Collecting his breath he headed back out where low-self-eestem man was holding boxers, sweat pants, and a t-shirt.

"Thanks Cas," he made sure to show the sincerity in his eyes. "For everything," he mumbled under his breath.

"You're welcome, Dean. I'm not sure if Sam is coming back tonight so if you rest in his bed or on the couch it's up to you. I will say that the couch is highly uncomfortable." Castiel's fingers tapped along his thigh. "Sleep well," he added with his face coming quite a bit closer and just like that he disappeared into his room that was located next to the bathroom.

Maybe life is worth it, were the last thing his mind thought of, as he drifted off into his own headspace with the scratchy material of the couch underneath his body.

 

  
Chapter 4

Cas woke up when the sun rose in the sky. Nature and him always had had a working relationship. Sometimes Castiel would drive Sam's cat into the outskirts of town and have a nice refreshing day sitting in the grass enjoying the peaceful life around him. He would have a first row seat to see busy bees buzzing from all around him collecting nectar and pollinating the crops, humans depend on. Without the pollination the food supply would decrease exponentially. They are so underestimated and let's not forget about the delicious honey they make. Cas has always had a soft spot for bees. He can also see the birds soaring the sky without a care in the world. Small cute ducklings parading around the pond in confidence. The trees danced in the spotlight of the sun. After all the wonders around him, he just sat and inhaled the fresh humid air of with the unique scent of pine trees. Since he would never disrupt Mother Nature, she would never disrespect him- on purpose.

Waking up when the sun rises may be a downside especially when Castiel can't sleep well at night. He wanted to curse loudly at the sun peering through the window, but decided against it. He shuffled in his pajamas and paddled his way out of his room with bare feet. He turned to the couch and jumped in surprise to see a man passed out on the couch. He braced himself against the wall in one hand and took deep breaths to calm himself down only to realize it's only Dean sleeping on his sofa. He huffed at his memory and continued his walk to the kitchen. He grabbed the kettle and set it on the stovetop for his tea.

After preparing his beverage he sat at the dining table and continued reading The Red Pyramid by Rick Riordan. It's a fantasy book based on Egyptian mythology. Two siblings from the same special bloodline have been separated since they were very young. They join together to try and find/save their father and avenge their mother who was killed in the crossfire of Gods.

Cas not only finds the plot of a lost religion interesting, but also the characters. The people that spend their lives fighting evil instead of living a normal life. The only difference is that in these adventurous books the enemies are humans. It would be so much easier if your villain is a another person, but usually it's not the case. It could be ignorance, mental illness, addiction, and in worst cases yourself. This makes your enemies unbeatable and then you wonder if you're the villain yourself. Does the choices I make in my everyday life affect that stranger on the street? What if I'm doing more bad than good? If I don't pick up that phone call, will someone get hurt? You never know. Their could be a suicidal friend on the other line that is being pushed over the edge. If you didn't pick up that phone call it wouldn't be your fault they died, but if you did, would they still be living? Every action has a consequence and it's easier to read a book than face the realties of life.

Sam quietly opened the front door glancing towards his snoring brother. He walked towards Castiel with a tired smile.

"Hey man, what are you up to?" Sam simply asked.

"Thinking."

"About?"

"About the beautiful nature and how we ruin it. How astonishing the bees are. How I care about characters in books more than most people in real life." Cas ranted. He stayed in thought before adding, "The meaning of life."

"Okay, I get it," Sam chuckled out.

"How's Jess?" Cas directly asked cutting through the stalling.

Sam took a deep breath and sat at the table with his friend. His leg continued to shaking the flat surface rumbling Cas' cup of tea. Castiel observers the liquid sloshing back and forth like a pocket watch swinging from side to side. He's brain washed and watched the the tea reach the top of the sides of the cup, but never escaping. Sam is oblivious and began to speak aloud.

"I don't know what she sees in me. I'm just a dropout with crushed dreams, but she likes me. I want her all to myself, but at the same time I want someone to love her that deserves her love." He told him.

"Sam Winchester, you're an idiot." Castiel spoke with stern voice.

"What?" Sam gasped in surprise.

"You're just like every other human on the planet. You think you're not worthy of happiness." Castiel turned his full attention to him, making sure he could hear every word. "Do you think Jessica wakes up every morning thinking, I'm incredible and Sam doesn't deserve me? Absolutely not!" Castiel was starting to raise his voice.

"But-"

"She probably thinks you are way out of her league. She wants you to meet her parents. She obviously likes you. I just don't understand why I am acting like a matchmaker. Don't tell me I'm turning into Gabriel." He groaned. "Instead of hiding your feelings and talking to me, you should be telling her how much you care for her."

"Sorry man." Cas can tell that he means his apology, but that doesn't stop him from being grumpy.

"Just stop, it's stupid and repetitive." Cas muttered and turned back to his cool liquid that now stayed still and smooth inside his mug.

"How's Dean?"

Castiel internalized the feeling of the mug. There it sat peacefully in front of him, no need to bother it.

"Cas?" Sam asked, making him jump out of his trance.

"Yes?" He quietly murmurs.

"How was Dean last night?" Sam worries.

"I think Dean is have hallucinations."

"What?" Sam questioned in loud worried chuckle.

"He keeps calling me an angel! I think he's not mentally all there. Maybe you should talk to him," Cas would continue if it wasn't for Sam's hysterical laughter.

"Cas, I'm very sure he knows you're human. It could've been just a pickup line." Sam explained with a huge smile on his face.

"So it was a flirtation?" By this point Cas is extremely confused.

"It very well could be."

Suddenly the cycle of snores stopped. Both boys turned to watch Dean rub his eyes like a child and swing his legs off over the couch. Castiel was quick to fawn over him.

"Hello Dean, I'm glad you're up. Do you need any medication? You must be hungover." Cas tries to be helpful.

Dean looks up at him with nothing but awe in his eyes. Dean's eye were wide as he stared at him. Cas shifted in discomfort.

"Are you an angel?" Dean asked. Then proceeded to flop himself back on the couch to sleep.

There was no way to stop Sam's laughter now.

~

 

"And then he said, are you an angel?" Sam announced to Jess over skype. They both giggled while Dean grunted on the other side of the couch.

"Will ya love birds cut it out? Some of us are trying to enjoy a peaceful Sunday." Dean grumbled.

"Sam, why don't you spend some quality time with your brother." Jess sweetly offered.

"Yeah, Sammy! Spend some quality time with me."

Sam pointedly ignored him. "Okay, baby I'll talk to you later." He smiled as a lovesick puppy and turned off his laptop. "So brother… what do you want to do?"

"Let's watch Netflix." Dean suggested.

"If we're having a lazy day we are inviting Cas, too."

"Hey Castiel!" Dean unnecessarily shouted.

"Hello, Dean" Cas suddenly spoke from behind the both of them.

"Come sit your ass down so we can watch a good movie." Dean demanded.

He silently sat down on the floor in front of the couch. Sam frowned at the both of them.

"Well, Sammy? Why don't you go be a dear and pop some popcorn." Dean sneered sarcasticly.

That's how three grown men spent their Sunday watching Shaun of the Dead, Fright Night, and then episodes of Psych all while with messy hair and sweatpants. Popcorn is spewed around the living room in a disastrous mess, yet no one seems to care that much. At some point Dean left to the couch to sit next to Cas on the floor and the playfully share a huge bowl of popcorn. That left Sam to recline himself into a position stretched across the sofa in a more comfortable place. No one mentioned it, but everyone could tell that Dean appears to be much happier and full of life.

"Hey Cas, you have red on you." Dean smiles like a geek.

"I believe the phrase was 'You've got red on you'" He quoted.

"Eh I heard it both ways." Dean smirked in victory.

"I'm sure that's another reference." Castiel smiled at his antics. It's as if Dean takes pride in how many allusions to iconic entertainment he can make.

"Yup!" He said, and popped the 'p.'

Castiel actually liked relaxing and mindlessly watching movies and tv shows that his best and new friend likes. It's interesting to see the different characters that reflect their own personalities. Psych for example, Dean best relates to Shawn Spencer. They both make sarcastic comments, love older music, and have unhealthy diets. Yet both of them rely and loves their family. They both are devoted to making their family proud. Although, Cas hasn't been friends with Dean long, he can see right through him. Cas can see the overpowering love for his younger brother inside Dean's eyes.

Dean on the other hand was living in a state of happiness. He was surrounded by people that have his back and it feels amazing to finally let his guard down to enjoy something as simple as a watching a tv show. To let go and not have to worry about the goals expected from him. Dean could lean back and be comforted by the auras pf his brother and new friend. That sounds pretty damn good to him.

"How about I make dinner?" Dean suggests with a hint of a smile.

Sam's eyebrows shot up towards the top of his forehead. "Uh sure Dean. That'll be great." To say that he's shocked would be an understatement. "What do you plan on making?"

"Do BLT's sound good?" He acted like it wasn't a big deal and pranced his way towards the tiny kitchen.

"Sure," Sam muttered.

"Sam is something wrong?" Castiel asked with his head tilted to the right with a questioning look.

"Yes! Dean is cooking!" His voice is at his breaking point because of a conflicted high pitch and aggressive whisper.

"What's wrong with that?" Cas just couldn't understand.

"Dean has been having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. He having a difficult time having the energy to smile or tie his shoes. Now he's grinning and making all of us sandwiches. You don't find this the least bit odd?"

"He's getting better, are you not happy?" Castiel pressed his head into the couch cushion and looked up to Sam.

"Of course I'm happy, I don't know, I just feel like there's something wrong." The wrinkles on Sam's forehead made themselves more known as he talked.

"Sam, he is doing better than yesterday, I believe that this is good news. You shouldn't be even more worried than the day before." Cas comforted him.

"You're right," he sighed. "I just wish he'd be alright again."

"I'm going to keep my promise." Castiel reminds his friend. "I will help your brother."

With that statement Cas left Sam to watch Dean make sandwiches for them all. He can see a smile slip on Dean's face when Cas came near. Castiel admired him. The hell he experienced, I may be even worse than he had to go through. Now he was dancing to, A Long, Long Way From Home by Foreigner on the radio and cooking bacon in a frying pan. No one could possibly imagine what life has made him endure, yet here he is making a BLT in his kitchen. It's pretty hysterical, but endearing.

"Good things WILL happen, Dean." Cas murmurs.

"Cas, I have my doubts," Dean made sure to not make eye contact with the man behind him and stared at the lettuce. "But I believe in you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5

Oil stained his arms and sweat was dripping down his face, yet Dean didn't seem to mind. He continued adjusting and tinkering with objects underneath the car with not a care in the world.

"Whoa I'm not sure I understand. Explain to me the sudden burst of energy. What happened?" Charlie demanded and started kicking at Dean's legs.

"Nothing much. I was chilling with Sam and his roommate and then I came back to work at Bobby's shop. This is probably just adrenaline, you know I like fixing up cars." Dean explained mindlessly. He was still glad she couldn't see his face, well mostly the small smile he was wearing.

"Dean, it's like pulling teeth to get you to go to your job and you love it! You just lost interest in everything and had no motivation. Now you're walking around the auto shop without a care in the world. What happened?" She repeated.

"What?" He asked defensively. "I can't be happy for once in my life."

"Of course I want you to be happy! I just want to know what made you happy."

"Why?"

"So I know how I can help you in the future. You should have seen yourself Dean, just three days ago you were drunk and lost and… empty." The red haired girl spoke with just concern in her voice. "What made you put back on your gorgeous smile?" She teased on a more lighthearted note.

Dean pushed himself on the skateboard out from under the rusted car. He glanced up at his friend and put on a little smirk. "Who," was his reply and he walked towards a table with his water bottle on it.

Unsurprisingly, Charlie followed him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Not what made me happy, who made me happy." Dean replied in a proud clever tone of voice.

"Okay," she sighed. "Who made you happy or is still making you happy?"

"A person." He snarkily snapped.

"Okay dude fine. I'm not after your new lover. Touchy touchy." Charlie shook her head and made her way into Bobby's office and into her own desk.

She's not one for getting under a greasy car hood, but she's fairly good at keeping track of documents, costumers, and money. The girl decided she wanted to help out and then, Bobby started paying her when he cursed her out because they're not 'charity work.' To this day she finds the atmosphere rather amusing. When the two males get involved with their work, they forget who's around and she can see them unguarded. She can observe Dean's singing to Taylor Swift and Bobby smiling down at Dean with pride. She counts it a win when she can blackmail her friend and actually see emotions from her boss.

"I really like this person a lot, but I only met them once." Charlie looked up from her laptop to let him know she's listening. "I feel completely stupid to miss someone who I only met once for a short amount of time. Especially when they probably shouldn't even give me a second look."

"Ohhh Dean Winchester is pouring out his feelings. Are you mistaking me for your brother?" As the words slipped out of her mouth she knew that he regretted saying anything. "Sometimes feelings are extremely weird and uncontrollable. No, it's not rational, but things like this happen and you should run with it." She maturely gave advice.

He thought through her advice slowly and carefully. He must've looked like a moron just standing there trying to understand Charlie's advice. Somehow Castiel was able to snap him out of his funk for the time being. It was nice to have his presence around. It just felt… peaceful.

"What are you idjits doing, standing around?" Bobby said while walking to his desk.

"Dean met someone!" Charlie squeaked in enjoyment, but fear.

Bobby's head snapped up and turned towards Dean. Dean was counting the ways he could kill Charlie.

1.) Smash all of her electronics and watch her die of withdrawal.  
2.) Poison her food and watch her die from lack of air.  
3.) Cut her hair off and watch her die of shock.  
4.) Throw her in a cage of lions-

"Who's the girl?" Bobby asked curiously.

"What?" He replied in shock.

"Who's the girl that made you get your ass out of bed and come to work?" Bobby seems to be more than a little curious. His old wise eyes burning into Dean's skull awaiting his answer.

Dean was at a loss for words. Every one assumes he has a secret girlfriend, but in reality he doesn't have anyone.

"No one." He weakly responded.

"I'm calling bullshit!" Charlie sang aloud.

"Why does there have to be a girl? Can I not make myself happy?" Dean grumbles.

"Yeah you could make yourself happy, but you happen to be swimming in guilt and anger. There's no way you could possibly make yourself come to work and skip around like a young girl on her birthday. Therefore, someone is making you happy." Bobby deducts reasonably. "Besides I can tell when another person can put a goofy smile like yours. You can't fool me, boy."

"Well you must be seeing things because I haven't met anyone." He stares at Bobby with sincerity in his eyes. Bobby practically raised him. The man can tell when he's lying and when he's not.

Dean left the room in a rush to get back to the run down rusty car, leaving the clever petite girl and stout old man to converse.

"He is totally seeing someone, but he seems sure of himself." Charlie told him.

"Of course there's someone. I reckon he doesn't realize this someone is helping him or he thinks he not good enough." Bobby announces with confidence.

"That sounds like Dean." Charlie shook her head in exasperation making her hair fly around.

"It sure does." Bobby answers and proceeded to welcome the next customer.

~

"The heart button is the like button. These two arrows going clock wise is the reblog button. You can push it and it will be put up on your blog for anyone to see, unless you privately post it. You can also use queue-"

"Charlie, you said this website is cool…"

"No I said it's life." She argued back.

Both Charlie and Dean were sitting on his couch with their laptops open in Tumblr.com. She's trying to convince him that he should start a blog. It will give him something 'productive' to do.

"Sure, it's life. It's complicated and a waste of time." Dean slouches and stares at the sign up screen.

"That's the spirit!" She grinned in delight. "This is so exciting! I can show you why Merthur and Johnlock is canon, you can understand my references, and memes. Not to mention the social justice bloggers."

"Oh yay!" He exaggerates with a high pitched voice. "We can fangirl together, paint each other's nails, and take sexy selfies."

"Great idea, shall I go get the pink nail polish?" Charlie teased. "Oh wait what was I thinking I need blue nail polish, too." She smirked watching Dean smile in somewhat satisfaction. "For myself of course." She added with shrieking laughter.

The man stuck his tongue out. "Whatever, pink goes well with my completion."

Charlie giggles quietly and watches as her friend ironically, grows more pink by the second.

"Okay okay, quit making fun of me. Help me pick out a username."

"Actually," she pursed her lips together. "It's called a url."

With a roll of his eyes he started listing the possibilities in his head.

classicrocklover  
justdean  
pies-equal-awesome

They finally both agreed on a url for Dean, called, 'geekyimpala.' Even though Charlie thought he was a dork for bringing his car into the equation, it was his love. She helped him select pictures for his icon and background. She lead him through the process of making a description and title for his blog.

Dean, of course, watched the social media expert work her skills. He finds the social media intriguing, but he never really understood how to use it. The young man felt ancient as she sped through the making of the appearance of his blog.

"Don't worry, I'm an hacker. I know my way around a computer. Anyone else, this would take a while. Don't look so fazed." She smacked the back of his head with a smile upon seeing him stare at the laptop in awe.

"What's this mail box thingy?" He questions curiously.

"Other bloggers can ask you questions and send you fan mail." She explains.

"Random people can ask me questions and can see what I post?" He spoke in a confused voice.

"Oh no! Are you worried about stranger danger?" She teased him.

Charlie turned back to her computer and follows Dean's brand new blog.

 

yourqueenofgeeks is now following you

 

"Ha! I already have a follow." He spoke proudly.

"That's me, Mr. Alan Turning."

 

~

"I just got another follower!" Dean hollered at Charlie.

She peeked at his laptop.

"That's Sam."

"Oh."

~

Between the stupidity, over-analyzing, and porn, Dean began to love tumblr. Especially, when Castiel heard about Dean's new account and followed him. This gave Dean the perfect opportunity to stalk his blog which at the very least was amusing. His page was chaos. First there is artwork covering his blog. There's pencil sketches, colorful pictures, and inked paper drawn of nature, characters, and humans. It seemed as if Cas was mystified by the beauty of other art pieces that he can't chose just one. On multiple occasions you see that he reblogs heartbreaking tenrose posts. Not to mention all the gifs of animals. All types showed up on his page, pandas posing, bees buzzing, and cats cuddling. There was much deeper emotion than that though. Castiel has essays posted on his blog about LGBTQ+ rights, and feminism to atheism. This struck Dean as a major surprise. Not that he would be advocating for people without equal rights, but his active involvement in politics. Not to mention, he could have sworn that Sam said a while ago that his roommate is religious.

Nonetheless, Dean absolutely fell in love with his personality and writing. It was turning into an addiction. It always stops as soon as he clicks on Cas' ask button. His fingers freeze, his heart speeds up, and he feels sick to his stomach. It's a distinct feeling that he rarely feels. Fear. Fear of rejection, fear of response, fear of feelings. Fear of his luck ending. Just fear.

Then one day Dean didn't have to take the first big step. Dean woke up to a message from him on Tumblr.

Blueties-art:  
Hey, I've been thinking about you. ;)

Okay, not what Dean expected. That didn't even sound like something Castiel would say.

Geekyimpala:  
Hi Cas, it's been a while. How are you?

Blueties-art:  
I'm fantastic now that I get to talk 2 u

Geekyimpala:  
You okay Cas? You don't sound like yourself.

Blueties-art:  
I'm perfectly baby, and ur hot bod is even perfect-er

Dean frowned at his laptop. He put his feet up on his coffee table and relaxed his back into the couch.

Geekyimpala:  
Who is this?

Blueties-art:  
It's me my love! Now tell me, what r u wearing? <3

Geekyimpala:  
???

Blueties-art:  
Fine you win. I stole Cassie's computer and decided to taunt the person that keeps on liking his posts. Congrats! You're the lucky stalker.

Geekyimpala:  
Okay… who is this?

Blueties-art:  
You tell me your name and I'll tell you who I am.

Geekyimpala:  
Dean

Blueties-art:  
ohhhhh you're Dean… Cassie talks a lot about you. I'm his older and more hotter brother.

Geekyimpala:  
I'm not interested.

Blueties-art:  
But you are interested in my lil bro? ;)

Geekyimpala:  
Give him back his computer!!

Blueties-art:  
I'm not hearing any denial!

It was a while before he get any reply from Castiel's account. Dean wasn't worried, per say, but concerned that Cas has an insane older brother. He went about his day as normal. Finally getting changed and heading to work. The lifeless routine that leaves him tired and bored with his life. When he got home, a smile immediately plastered on his face because of a new notification from Tumblr.

Blueties-art:  
Sorry Dean, my brother is really weird and decided to visit me. Gabriel is never up to any good.

Geekyimpala:  
It's okay Cas. Just wondering, how were you able to live with a nuisance like him?

Blueties-art:  
My family was known for being crazy. He is the least of my worries.

Maybe he was overcompensating, but he evacuated each of his words very carefulky and it left him lost.

Geekyimpala:  
Is your family okay now?

Blueties-art:  
That's not of import. How are you feeling?

Geekyimpala:  
Why does that matter? Tell me what's wrong.

Blueties-art:  
I'm supposed to be helping you, Dean. Not the other way around.

This made Dean groan in anger. He isn't some toy people can just polish and it gets better. He can take care of himself. Yet, he knows Cas is only being the good person that he is. His friend isn't trying to offend him.

He walked into the bathroom and stared at the person looking back at him. He shakily turned the knob making cool water pour from the faucet. He got his hands wet and wiped down his face from his worried wrinkled forehead to his chin. He dried off his hands and paced around his apartment. He coached himself into saying words that he knows he won't regret.

Geekyimpala:  
Maybe we can help each other.

Chapter 6

The two boys got into a routine… a routine that Dean actually enjoyed. Dean and Cas would message each other and start video chatting, but they would never fully open up. They both got information from the other, just not anything useful. Dean would talk about how he remembers his family trip to the Grand Canyon when he was a child. Dean couldn't have been more than three or four and his mom was still pregnant with Sam. He explains that his parents were happy together and then he would shut down motioning Cas to tell a story because that would be it for him. Castiel would sigh from the other side of the screen and proceed to tell his story about learning how to fly. By the time Cas was six he was convinced that he could fly. He would make his own wings with cardboard and rope for show. Castiel would then would run and jump just to get himself off the ground and into the air. Then came the day when he jumped off a tree and with his wings fluttering behind him, he fell and broke his arm. Dean laughed and would have a goofy smile by his story. Cas would wear a small sad smile by Dean's story. No one would dare speak of their truly traumatic moments out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of response, fear of feelings.

Besides of their short stories, they each would find out the little things about them that make them who they are. Cas learned he loves pie while Dean learns he likes hamburgers. Favorite colors, music, books, and games were exchanged between the two of them. It was nice when they could just open up to each other and have conversations with no real meaning behind them. To Charlie's jealousy and Sam's relief they were becoming best friends through a computer screen.

Of course this made Dean happier, but anxiety, depression, grief just don't go away overnight. He continued on the path with alcohol firmly clenched in his hand. Castiel, one the other hand seems to be coping better because of the paint brush in his hand. It's pretty extraordinary to see Dean change his point of view by intoxicating liquid and Cas' change of perspective by coloring in every detail and then stepping back to see the big picture. Castiel is beginning to understand that there is more to life than the pulchritude of sadness. Everything was going great for the dark haired man until the day his brother decided to show up.

Looking back on it, Castiel probably should've took Gabriel's threat for a visit a tad bit more seriously. He just didn't think he would show up to hit on his best friend AND his best friend's girlfriend who both happen to be in a wonderful, healthy relationship. Then again, it is Gabriel.

It started at the small coffee store down the street from Sam and Cas' apartment. It was stormy and cold, which was a perfect day to get cozy with warm drinks. Customers that are piling in are soggy and cranky which is causing everyone to be a little on edge. Except for Sam and Castiel who are content in the tense atmosphere going about their day adding in their relatively normal discussions.

"So you're trying to tell me that Dean told you about our Mom singing "Hey Jude" to him as a lullaby?" Sam questions with a small smile of astonishment.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that? I find it very endearing that your mother would sing a Beatles song that she likes to help Dean sleep." Castiel spoke as he looks outside to catch the flashing bursts of light just to feel the thunder shake under his feet.

"Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just really surprised he would mention that to you. He doesn't really talk about our parents much and I didn't even know my Mom used to sing." Sam frowned and grabbed the blueberry muffin in front of him, leaving indents where his fingers imprints themselves.

"That's good though, right? He's talking about them, that must mean he's improving." Castiel says being supportive as always.

"Or we are just making the four year old boy inside him cry and fall apart all over again." Sam complains, throwing the muffin on the small glass plate dispersing crumbs all over the table.

"Sam, your brother is coping. For now, that's amazing. He's better than he was before. Dean is back at work and continues to hang out with his friend. It's going to be okay." Cas said and ignoring the antagonizing voice in his head telling him that Dean is still dying on the inside.

"You're right." Sam murmurs and places his track phone on the table. "I'll be right back. I'm going to the bathroom."

Sam walks away leaving Castiel once again by himself. That's when his phone starts ringing. It wasn't a song or a few words, it was just an obnoxious ring that blasts through out the café. People began turning and glaring and Cas starts to shrink under the unimpressed and unwelcoming stares. Castiel was ready to answer the cell, but he knew it was rude to pick up a call that isn't his. He knew deep down that Sam wouldn't have cared, but the thought of talking on the phone made him sick.

That's when Gabriel sweeps in and steals the cheap phone with a snap open he was conversing with the person on the other line.

"Hello?" Gabriel answers with a snide smile. Castiel unashamedly gawks at his brother and watches as he sits in what was Sam's seat.

"No, he can't come to the phone right now. I'm pretty sure he's jerking off in the bathroom." Cas groans aloud as if that'll teach Gabe a lesson.

"Yes, of course I'll take a message for a beautiful person like yourself." He flirts while Castiel smacks his face with his open palm.

"Okay, I'll let him know, darling. Have a wonderful day, sweetie." Gabriel hangs up the phone in time for Sam to see the end performance.

"Dude, that's my phone." Sam spits at Gabe with obvious annoyance.

"Cassie, you didn't tell me that your friend is hot." Cas tries to pretend he's in another world by imagining he is the raindrop gracefully dripping down the window. "You must be Sam. Your phone was constantly ringing and disturbing the others." Gabe grabs Sam's hand and places the old cell phone in it. "You probably never heard of an iPhone. Oh! And you're girlfriend wants you to call her." Gabriel gave Sam an overdramatic wink.

"Sam," Cas says in a shy voice. "Meet my brother."

 

~

Back at their apartment, Sam was slowly going insane.

"How could you possibly be related to this idiot!?" Sam is dumbfounded by the cinching idea.

"As you can probably tell, I didn't have the best childhood." Castiel expressed and motions to his brother who was eating a bag of candy and staring at their TV like a brainwashed child.

Sam ran his hand over his face as a sign of defeat. "Well, he is your brother so he's welcome to stay as long as he wants." Sam grumbles. Cas shakes his head with subtle vulnerability. "Oh and my brother made a tumblr if you want to check it out. His friend, Charlie told me." Sam gives him a sympathetic face.

"Okay, what is it?" He asks with bubbling excitement.

"Geekyimpala." Sam chucks out the answer.

"Like his car?" Castiel tilts his head awaiting the response.

"Yup, Dean's has a bad obsession with his car and is a huge geek. So it makes sense." Castiel and Sam continue to talk and they don't notice the scheming smirk on Gabe's face.

~

When Gabriel left the living room to go into Castiel's bedroom everyone thought maybe he was tired and they would do anything to get rid of him. He had quite an easy time getting on Castiel's computer especially since he didn't even log into his Tumblr account.

Blueties-art:  
Hey, I've been thinking about you. ;)

Geekyimpala:  
Hi Cas, it's been a while. How are you?

Ohhhh Cas? Dean is already giving his impressionable brother a nick name?

Blueties-art:  
I'm fantastic now that I get to talk 2 u

Nothing like a flirt to get the conversation heating.

Geekyimpala:  
You okay Cas? You don't sound like yourself.

Now this jackass thinks he knows Cassie.

Blueties-art:  
I'm perfectly baby, and ur hot bod is even perfect-er

Geekyimpala:  
Who is this?

Blueties-art:  
It's me my love! Now tell me, what r u wearing? <3

Geekyimpala:  
???

Gabriel announced to himself that Cas' crush is boring.

Blueties-art:  
Fine you win. I stole Cassie's computer and decided to taunt the person that keeps on liking his posts. Congrats! You're the lucky stalker.

Geekyimpala:  
Okay… who is this?

Blueties-art:  
You tell me your name and I'll tell you who I am.

Geekyimpala:  
Dean

Blueties-art:  
ohhhhh you're Dean… Cassie talks a lot about you. I'm his older and more hotter brother.

Geekyimpala:  
I'm not interested.

Blueties-art:  
But you are interested in my lil bro? ;)

Geekyimpala:  
Give him back his computer!!

Blueties-art:  
I'm not hearing any denial!

 

~

After Gabriel's stunt with messaging Dean, Cas was livid.

"You had no right to go into my laptop, and troll my friends!" Cas screams. He even had a vein in his neck bulging out.

"You're using the word troll? Wow, Cassie, are you finally understanding and using slang from this era?" He thought it's fun to see his younger brother burst into flames over a simple conversation.

"Gabriel! I haven't seen you in an extremely long time and now you're here and you decide it's an appropriate time to terrorize and humiliate me? I'm disappointed in you." Castiel is hanging by a thread, his hands shook and his heart sped up uncomfortably.

"You're overreacting! I instigated your crush. So what? Stop being so uptight and sensitive." Gabe bit out immaturely. 

"I'm overreacting? You left me to rot with people that hated me for who I am." Castiel hoarsely asserts.

"I left because of I was tired of fighting." Gabe knew there's no regret leaking through his tone of voice.

"So you agree with them?" Cas sat down with his back to his elder brother.

"I don't pick sides. I'm a lover not a fighter." Gabriel reaches out to capture Castiel shoulder. Cas slaps his hand away and hastily steps back like he was burned.

"That's not true and we both know it. You can't passively aggressively and continually insult someone and then pretend you are innocent and don't want a fight. You don't have the right." Castiel hisses out.

"Cassie, I've never cared that you're gay. I'm pansexual myself. I just wanted to get out of a household with so much anger." Gabe tries to explain.

"Yeah, well you never stood up for me." His words bounces around the four walls and then his bedroom door slams to end the ringing.

~

 

Blueties-art:  
Sorry Dean, my brother is really weird and decided to visit me. Gabriel is never up to any good.

Geekyimpala:  
It's okay Cas. Just wondering, how were you able to live with a nuisance like him?

Blueties-art:  
My family was known for being crazy. He is the least of my worries.

Geekyimpala:  
Is your family okay now?

Blueties-art:  
That's not of import. How are you feeling?

Geekyimpala:  
Why does that matter? Tell me what's wrong.

Blueties-art:  
I'm supposed to be helping you, Dean. Not the other way around.

It was a while until he got the next reply.

Geekyimpala:  
Maybe we can help each other.

Maybe it was time to take that trip to Dean's apartment.

 

 

 

 

 

  
Chapter 7

"I don't understand," Dean pouts and pokes at his bagel.

"There'll just be staying here for a while, it's not the end of the world," Charlie reasons. He head bobs to her phone playing "Walking On Sunshine." Her dark chipped nail polished finger tips taps to the beat.

"No, they're here to babysit me, there's a difference." Dean continues to grumble like a small child not getting his way.

"And don't it feel good!" She shouts to the music. Charlie begins to dance/jump to the music around Dean like a ritual.

Dean rolls his eyes as a complaint. He sits back in his chair to watch his friend continue to explode of glee. He finally had enough and leaned over the table to grab her phone and switch of the music.

"Hey!" She protested loudly and shuffled into a relatively normal standing position.

"I'm fine, why are they still coming here?" Dean asks defensively.

"If you have nothing to hide, then this shouldn't be a problem." She states without giving any real reasons.

Although she's trying to deny it, she knows that he is still relying on alcohol. She's not his best friend for nothing. She knows every single hiding spot he has. Rum, scotch, whiskey, and beer are hidden carefully through out his apartment. The most common places like under his mattress, in the back of his closet, and deep underneath his couch. The more concealed spots are in the hallowed out book, bag of the vacuum cleaner, and in the air vent. She doesn't want to admit it, but he is still drinking, if his breath has anything to say about it.

"I'm not drinking," he irately argues.

"I never said you were. Stop being so defensive." She replies with a wry smile. "Now go clean up your extra room and couch, they will be here in the next hour." She orders.

"Stupid brother. Stupid friend." He mutters under his breath.

"I can't here you cleaning." She hollers.

"Fine, caffeine girl, why don't you help me?"

Charlie makes her way towards Dean's spare room, following his dark dirty blonde hair. She picks up his clothes on her journey there, with a amused smile lighting up her face.

"So…" she starts her sentence and drops all of his clothes on the ground. Dean peeks out from under the the bed where he was tidying up. "You have been talking with Castiel a lot lately."

She grabs a broom and starts to sweep away the dust. "Yeah, we have…" Dean says with a suspicious look in his eye.

"You have been acting happier ever since you started talking," She hints.

"Are you trying to imply something?" Dean sits up and leans against the bed to give her his full attention.

"I just want to know how good he is in bed." She smirks at Dean's horrified look.

"We haven't slept together!" He yells and accidentally bangs his hand against the metal frame of the bed.

"Clearly, you have or you wouldn't be constantly talking to each other or acting like the sun shines out of his ass. From everything you told me, he sounds dreamy. Well, you make him sound dreamy."

"Shut up!" He yells, Charlie then makes a split second decision and chucks the broom at his head.

"You know if you like-"

"I'm not gay!" He screams and throws the broom back at her.

She pauses to stare at her friend. He has changed so much. Dean used to never care what people thought of him, until his dad came home. He used to excel in nerdy classes like technology and robotics, even drama. No one would dare insult the quarterback of the football team by calling him a nerd or worse. He used to stand up to the homophobic bullies who would be throwing out slurs and punches. She remembers catching him making out with a male classmate in the back of his car. That Dean wouldn't care enough to deny something trivial. Of course that all stopped when John Winchester came home. Dean would never stand up for himself and took the drunken insults to heart. This Dean is afraid of even the thought of attraction to another male.

Charlie chooses to change what she was about so say for the sake of an argument. She raises an eyebrow at her best friend, "Can I finish?"

Dean takes a deep breath. He slowly calms himself down and tries to will away the glowing waves bouncing in his head.

"What I was going to say is, if you like to scream at people, you can go to an One Direction concert. No one will be able to tell the difference between the screaming of horror or screams of people viciously tossing their panties or boxers." She leaves him behind to clear off the couch with a proud look upon her face.

~

"You can take the bedroom, Sam." Castiel says and props his suitcase against the couch.

"Uh no, I want the couch." Sam argues with his arms firmly crossed on his chest.

"Why are boys so stupid and annoying?" Charlie comes out of the kitchen with a newly filled mug of coffee. "You must be Castiel, I'm Charlie, activist, nightmare, and Dean's BEST friend."

"Hello, Charlie. I'm Castiel, although you can call me Cas." He gives her an angelic smile.

Dean shakes his head just watching the scene play out in front of him. His brother is calculating a way to make Castiel claim the guest room. Charlie is searching for the most unsubtle way to mark her territory. Cas is trying to make himself comfortable in a unfamiliar environment. What shocks Dean the most is how clearly he can understand each person's needs in the room. How well he can identify their motives with a quick glimpse.

"Cas, you're taking the spare bedroom." Dean announces which makes the three other people turn to eyeball him. "And Sam you're sleeping on the floor."

"And why's that?" Sam gave him a classic 'bitch face' with a tight glare and a small turned up murderous grin.

"I finally took your advice and got a dog. I can't let my lovable puppy sleep on the floor like an animal. What do you think I am? An abusive pet owner?" Dean pretends to look innocent.

"Yes of course! That's makes perfect sense my dear brother." Sam tosses a pillow at Dean.

"What is it with people, today? When did my head suddenly become a target?" Dean frowns and throws the small pillow at Charlie who dodges, but spills some of her coffee on her hand.

"I don't understand, I don't see a feline?" Castiel questions with bemusement.

"Yeah, Dean where's your bitch?" Charlie angrily asks using Sam's shirt as a napkin.

"Come here, Cas. I'll show you your room." They walked side by side into the guest bedroom.

They enter the boring small room. Dean hangs out by the doorway while Castiel sits on the bed with his luggage in hand. Their own weaknesses shone when Dean hums and scratches his throat and Castiel nervously rubs the suitcase handle.

"It's good to see you Dean." Castiel spoke quietly as if his voice has more meaning.

"You see me all the time, genius." Dean chuckles away the overcrowded bubbly feeling in his gut.

"Yeah on a grainy lagging computer screen. It's much better to see your face clearly. I can also see your tells." Cas says.

"My tells?" Dean approaches his friend and sits with him on the bed. They're sitting the same way and either one of them could shift and their legs would be burning with electricity.

"Yeah, by your body language, I can see if you ever lie to me. By the way your eyes make contact with mine, words you use to string together to make a sentence to speak to me, and the way you present yourself." They're like two magnets you put them close enough together and they each feel the tug of need to be together. Everyone knows what happens when someone closes that last piece of space between them, they cling together and don't let go.

"Why would I lie?" Dean leans a tad bit closer and suppress his voice a tad bit quieter.

Cas turns his face to give Dean an incredulous look only to be shocked by how close they are. "I don't know why you would lie. I just know how to tell if you are lying to me." Cas exhales breathily.

"Admit it. You just want to see me all up close and personal because I'm hot." Dean should sound confident. He had said those variation of words enough times as a flirtation, but now he's just too shit scared of rejection.

Cas responds without hesitation, "No."

"What are you talking about? I am too, attractive." Dean whines.

"I want to be with you in person so I can hear you say intelligent things and give me a different perspective on our world, our lives." Cas answers seriously.

"And because I'm hot." Dean says with a laugh.

Castiel couldn't help, but smirk. "You are aesthetically pleasing."

"It takes you that long to find a room? Did you idiots get lost? Get out here! We're about to play a game and I still need to threaten Castiel." Anyone can her the triumph in Charlie's voice as she interrupts them. They both pull away from each other and joins Sam and Charlie in the living room.

~

The four adults were sitting on the floor in the living room. The coffee table already screeched as Dean somewhat carelessly shoves it aside. They have fluffy blankets and soft pillows and are discussing the game in their small circle. Each of their ideas bounce of each other slowly like kids passing a hot potato around. Castiel and Dean sit next to each other without physical contact. Charlie is sitting across from Cas and Sam is to his other side. Just regular weird people enjoying each other's company.

"So what's this game called again?" Sam asks skeptically.

"I don't know. I call it 'Which is Worse,' but Dean calls it 'Versus.' It's pretty much would you rather, but you express which thing you dislike more and you have to explain your reasoning." Charlie says and rubs her hands together like a child filled with too much excitement.

"Okay, so I'll start so everyone understands." Dean announces.

"Wait. Who answers? Do we take turns?" Cas asks intrigued.

"Nah man, it's more of a laid back game. One person asks the question and the whole group can answer." Dean explains. At Cas' nod of his head, Dean begins the game. "Okay so which is worse, a Justin Bieber song or slow drivers?"

"Justin Bieber, of course! He's the only person that I rather not listen too than your old music taste." Sam exclaims.

"Who is Justin Bieber?" Cas questions confused.

The other three people groan. "Cas, are you a seventy year old man stuck in a hot young body or did you have to go to a catholic boarding school." Charlie interrogates seriously. Sam stares at her like she's speaking in tongues. "What? That's the only reasons I can think of that he doesn't know that bratty dick."

"Okay stop! It's my turn." Sam spoke as he pats Cas on his back. "Stupidity versus ignorance."

"Stupidity is worse." Cas speaks up. "Someone who is ignorant can learn and change. Someone who is stupid just refuse to change despite everything else. That's what makes them stupid. I've grown to loath people with that mentality."

"Yeah, but I can ignore stupidity, ignorance just pisses me off." Dean retaliates.

"So basically Cas doesn't know it yet, but he hates Dean. And big surprise Dean hates himself." Charlie says mockingly.

"Hey!" Dean pouts and laughs knowing fully well that it's a joke.

"Bow down, bitches it's the queen's turn," Charlie tilts her head back and pretends that a light is shining down on her from the heavens. Castiel sends a raised eyebrow to his best friend. Which Sam returns with an amused shake of his head. "Slow wifi versus republicans?" She asks the three males.

"Slow wifi doesn't ruin my life." Dean says pointedly.

"Slow wifi can easily make perfectly normal people go clinically insane." Sam argues. "You wouldn't realize that, though because you don't even know what Twitter is."

"Twitter?" Dean mumbles to himself.

"Exactly!" Sam yells frustratingly.

"Charlie, this is more like a debating game." Cas shuffles so that he could hug his knees. For a six foot man, he seems small and vulnerable. He's like a child watching his parents bicker on about nothing.

She ignores the peacemaker to protest, "Yeah, well at least slow wifi isn't sexist. It doesn't purposely give us a pay gap. Especially people of color! I may get like $0.78 to every white man's dollar, but girls with darker shades of skin get paid even less than me. And what's this bullshit against reproductive rights?"

"It's disgusting how most of them don't even understand what's going on in a women's body and they still feel the need to use shitty excuses to argue and vote against it. A person should be able to choose what they do with their own body, as long as they're not hurting anyone or themselves, it doesn't make sense for people to vote on it." Cas finalizes.

Dean watches Castiel with a gaping mouth. Charlie gives him a look up respect and that's all Castiel really wanted or needs. Sam was starting at his brother with a small smile, knowing Dean was impressed.

"You're right, this is a debating game," she admits to her newly made friend. "I like to have deep conversations and this seems like the place for it, but be warned if you continue to finish my rambles I will find your weaknesses and blackmail you."

"I have nothing to hide." Castiel pouts with a purely innocent look upon his face.

"Just know if you cross me, you will regret it." At this point she has one hand planted on her hip and her other hand is out in front of her, waving her finger in Cas' face. Dean watches in amazement of his best friend being dragged by the introverted dorky guy. Sam is giggling quietly into his hand.

"My brother tells me that on multiple occasions, nothing ever happens." Castiel tilts his head because of confusion from Charlie's defensive reaction.

"He probably doesn't have the skills that I have." She feigns pride.

"Oh. Trust me he does." Sam chimes in. "Gabriel may not be able to hack, but he can provide evidence and information that can ruins someone's life within seconds. He's also devious and has no problem with blood on his hands."

"And you know this because…?" Charlie asks puzzled.

"He knows my girlfriend, family members and my life story and using it as blackmail because I annoyed him when we first met." Sam admits.

Dean thought back to Gabriel sending him sexual messages. He was being a protective older brother and using humor as his tactic, not violence. The guy seems to be harmless enough.

"So republicans?" Dean contributes with a bashful smile.

"Well, I have to say if this is a arguing game, the psychotic lunatics are worse." Dean turns towards Cas' voice in surprise. He felt the bitter anger in Castiel's words as they spontaneously fell from his mouth.

"When did we start talking about lunatics?" Dean asks.

"They're practically the same thing!" Cas exclaims humorously, the sour taste still making itself aware from his speech. "It's not like I'm voting on their wedding."

"Well hello fellow homosexual. I'm glad you could join us." Charlie smirks to herself, congratulating herself on her gaydar. She reaches out to shake his hand while he stares at her with a confused, but relieved face.

Dean stares at Castiel in deep thought. He wouldn't have guessed Cas is gay. Castiel doesn't exactly follow the stereotype. Yeah, he's not a muscular jock, but he seems to be manly. He's not flamboyant like social stereotypes. If Dean just was passing by him on the street, he wouldn't think he is gay. He's just a regular guy that happens to also like guys. At the thought of being normal, Dean smiles.

"Cas, buddy, it's your turn." Dean says, as if Castiel didn't come out to Charlie and himself.

Castiel twitches when he has to speak yet again. He prefers not to be in the spotlight. It gets lonely there all alone even if there are familiar people just outside the light. "Which is worse, death of bees or climate change?"

"Climate change," Sam answers easily. "The thermohaline circulation will probably shut down because the push and pull of the poles won't work as they both are heated. Life as we know it will end. The ocean will stop moving and life in the ocean will die. Weather will be random and disastrous. We will end up living inside our houses and only visiting the outside with gas masks."

Charlie smirks a wicked smile before slapping on a false innocent mask. "Are you my mummy?" She asks in a sweet voice.

Cas rolls his eyes at her input. He turn his head to see Dean, who has gravitated closer. "What about you, Dean?"

"I'd miss my honey. Honey is used to make the best pies." He chuckles with his head thrown back until his head lands on top of Cas' shoulder. Dean couldn't help but bathe in the warmth of another person's body. It's nice just to feel touch. Castiel sat with his legs crossed over each other. His hand is reaching out behind him, palm face down, to give himself support. Dean's head comfortably nuzzles inward of Castiel's shoulder, so close that the hairs on top of Dean's head tickled the side of Castiel's neck. Cas uses his other hand to softly caress Dean's head.

"You'd bee fine." Cas says in a small whispering voice and makes sure to emphasize his pronunciation on 'e.' Dean's laughter runs through Cas like an energetic shock that happened to pulse through out his body.

"Cas, that is the worst pun you made this week." Sam loudly inputs. 

The younger Winchester's voice shocks both the males out of their own world. They both turn to the other two people in the room instead of spacing out. Dean can tell that Sam hardly noticed their interaction. He is unfazed and continues to ramble on about his friend's terrible jokes. Dean felt like bolting after he sees the look on Charlie's face. She has a evil proud smirk and her eyes are fixed on the way Dean and Cas are fitting together. The slow burning panic in Dean's stomach burns brighter when Charlie makes eye contact with him. She raises an eyebrow as if to question everything Dean has said to her earlier in the day. Still, Dean remains cuddled up to Cas.

"I think everyone is missing the fact that climate change is causing the death of bees." Charlie states, unapologetically interrupting Sam's nonsense speech about puns. "Climate change is ruining their habitat causing more deaths of bees."

"This is a game Charlie, not a competition." Dean groans out and pushes his knee closer to Cas' leg.

She about to protest, but a sweet smile crosses over her face. "You're right," she says. "But there is a winner to every game and I'm ready for my crown." She holds out her hand as if a reward will suddenly pop into her hand.

"I can make you a flower crown." Castiel suggests.

"Really?" Excitement clouds her vision and she starts to hit Sam's arm because of her uncontrolled emotions.

"Yeah, you can come with me on a drive out of the city and I'll make a flower crown there." Castiel smiles at the thought of a friend joining him on his trip, even though it's supposed to be his own sacred space.

"Owww!" Sam pushes the girl aside and begins to rub his bruising shoulder.

"Yes!" She agrees without hesitation. "That would be wonderful."

Castiel smiled and tilted his head so it could rest his hand that was still on Dean's head. He almost jumped when he heard Dean start to snore. He looks down to find Dean limp against him and peacefully sleeping.

"Yeah, Dean hasn't been sleeping at all," Charlie explains. "I'm kinda surprised, he really has to trust you if he fell asleep or you're just a comfortable pillow."

Castiel continues to gently rake his fingertips across his hair as he went to dreamland. Cas looks up to see Sam saddened conveyed by a small smile staring at his older brother. Charlie is playing a tennis match, quickly glancing between the two men.

 

~

Dean sat on his chair and watches his mother hustle around the kitchen. She grabs some cheddar cheese and ritz crackers and places them in front of her child. In return, he jumps off his chair and hugs his mom's middle. She petted his head and made sure to rub his hair gently. The four year old practically purrs and squeezes tighter.

"Wow, Dean! You're getting stronger just like your daddy and I." She softly pushes her child towards the kitchen table. "How was your first day of preschool?"

"It's great. I met a friend." He answers proudly and shoves his snack into his mouth.

"You made friends?" She asks and sits in the chair next to her son.

"Yeah. I made friends. I was scared that no one want me to be their friend." Dean frowned and tried to will the tears out of his eyes.

His mother cringes at the pain she can see in his eyes. "You will never be alone, Dean." She says in comfort, but speaks the truth.

"Mary, what's going on?" Dean ducks his head and observes the crumbs on his plate. A stubborn tear drips down his face. His dad stands in the doorway with his arms crossed, he expectedly waits for an answer.

"Nothing, John. Dean has had a stressful day that's all." Mary replies and sends her son a reassuring smile.

"C'mon Dean. Boys don't cry. If you want to be strong like me, you have to man up." At his words Dean began to shake with even more emotion, because he disappointed his father.

"Okay I think that's enough, John. There is nothing wrong with crying." Her words are assertive and firm and her husband knew that as well. "Why don't you check on, Sammy."

John grumbles, but stomps out of the room. This left Dean hearing the ground thud loudly, but progressively quieter.

Dean looks up to his mother with more tears rolling down the sides of his face.

"Oh, Dean." She whispers sadly. "You're father means the best, but he can never show it. Don't listen to him. It's okay to let your emotions out. When you grow up you will see all the people that love you. You may get married, maybe not, but you will always have family and friends that will be right by your side."

As Dean listens to his mom speak softly to him, his breathing evens out.

"Promise me something, Dean."

"Okay, Mom."

"If you ever meet the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, tell them. It doesn't matter who the person is, if you love them, tell them. Even if you're scared or if someone tells you not too, tell them."

Dean's red rimmed eyes stare at her with confusion. "I promise."

"Thank you, baby." She brushes her fingertips along his jaw. "Come here."

Dean crawls on top of his mom's lap. His tiny legs and arms wrap around her and he rests his head on her shoulder. She puts one hand on his back and uses the other to cradles his head. With her hand molding the back of his head, she begins to play with his hair. His quick shallow breathing turns into deep repetitive breaths. Mary massages his scalp and sighs in relief when Dean starts to snore. She takes him back to his room and places him on his bed. She covers him in his Star Wars comforter and kisses the top of his head.

Right before she shuts the door, she whispers out the words she has said so many times before. "It's okay, baby. Angels are watching over you."

~

When Dean woke back up, his head was still dug deep into Cas' neck and he is curled on his side up against his friend. Dean can smell the caffeine coming off of him Castiel is on his laptop typing away on a word document. Cas seems to notice the shift in movement and glances down at him.

"Charlie and Sam went to grab a pizza for us." He says and continue to type as is his fingertips were drumming out his favorite rhythm.

Dean quickly pushes himself away from Cas uses both the palms of his hands to forcefully repel himself backwards. An endless stream of words made their way inside his brain.

This is wrong.

I can't believe I fell asleep on him.

What is wrong with me?

He starts to tremble with the thoughts of disgust filling his own head.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Castiel worryingly asks after he shifts himself back up into a sitting position. 

"I'm sorry." He squeaks out.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, what wrong?"

"I didn't mean to fall asleep on you. It's my mistake, don't be upset."

Don't hurt me.

The shakiness of his voice made Castiel eyes scream in concern. "I'm not upset, Dean. The question is why are you?"

"Never mind." He said with a dangerous low edge to his tone. Years of humiliation can make someone question every one of their own actions.

"No, before you seemed just fine sharing body heat and now you shove me away like trash. What caused your sudden lack of communication?" Castiel didn't realize it then, but he was poking a bruise that delved too deep inside of him.

"Nothing happened! Can you just drop it?" He rubs his arms to gain the warmth he just lost. "I'm just not used to waking up next to someone."

"Really because from what I heard you seem to wake up next to many different women every week." Cas snaps back in annoyance. "So what is it? Is it because I'm a man? Is the sudden closeness to male make you question your sexual orientation." He mocks.

"That's none of your business!" Dean jumps up from where he was sitting to tower over him. "Get over yourself and stop talking to my brother about me. You don't know anything about me so stop acting like you do. Why don't you just leave! You know nothing about my life."

Castiel decides join him by standing up and facing him, but what was the most shocking is that he didn't look angry, all Dean can see is hope in his eyes. "Why don't you tell me then." He answers taking a step closer, giving Dean a chance to accept.

"It doesn't matter you will just leave in the end." Cas dramatically sighs at his words.

"Don't be so sure, I have baggage too."

Dean watches his face transform into vulnerability, Cas is opening himself up and he doesn't need disappointment.

"Okay, I'll try."

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8

Sam was out getting some needed groceries when Dean and Castiel sat together on the couch the next day. They both knew that he would be gone for a long time with at least two hundred dollars less. Yesterday, Castiel went to find a snack to see the fridge only has a few slices of pizza left and cupboards bare with the occasional rotten food. This of course, made Cas sick to his stomach at the thought of Dean not getting the nutritions he needs or worse, purposely not eating.

They sat side by side in comfortable silence and stale air. Castiel had his head down in a book and Dean was staring blankly in front of him. At some point he reached down underneath the couch and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He didn't open it just stares at the liquor that stares mockingly back at him. Castiel glances over and calms himself down so he doesn't yank the alcohol away and attempt to hurl it a the sun. Instead he closes and sets his book down in his lap. Why would Dean hide whiskey underneath his own couch? He takes his time to think and makes sure not to say anything triggering. At that moment Cas just watches the look on Dean's face that is crumbling in anger and pain.

"Did you know," Cas starts in a small, but strong voice. "That children of addicts are about eight times as likely to develop some sort of addiction."

Dean says nothing. He doesn't appear to be listening at all. No change in body language or facial expression.

"My mother was addicted to religion. In her eyes she was always right because she has 'God' on her side. She had this simplified thinking of what is right and wrong and would shame us for ever slightly crossing into the wrong zone. I went days without food because I used the lord's name in vain. I'm sure you don't want to know what happened to me when she found out I'm gay. I thought she was going to sacrifice me so she never had to see me again."

"I know how that is." Dean gripes.

"My father was addicted to drama. He would always cause fights and arguments just to get the thrill. He was manipulative and would put us all on pedestals as if we're characters in a book. I should point out he was a writer and probably just wanted a storyline, but it still was not healthy." Cas cringes as he reminisces.

"Was." Dean mumbles to himself in thought.

"Excuse me?"

"You said 'was' five times as if they aren't here anymore." Dean turns his head to watch Castiel squirm.

"That's because they're dead." Castiel surprised himself in how freely he spoke, he never told someone the story besides a brief explanation to Sam one day, years into their friendship.

"What happened?" Dean asks. Castiel turns his body away and takes a deep breath. "Sorry man, I didn't mean to upset you. It's none of my business."

Silence generously greets them. Castiel turns on his other side and leans some of his body weight onto Dean. Cas keeps his eyes fixed on the bottle in his friend's hand.

"One day their addictions collided. My father cheated on my mother and she started screaming about adultery. I was fourteenth at the time and she told me she had a dream that God told her that she was going to die. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't know what to do. My brother left because of the insanity there and my father was off who knows where. That night she killed herself by hanging herself. I found her there. I guess my father wanted an unrealistic romance story because he killed himself that night too. He won in the end because the story he create is well known, since it haunts me everyday." Castiel holds his hand out to cup Dean's hand that was clenching the bottle. "I became addicted to perfectionism. I needed to be in control in every situation or I would become anxious. If any of my friends let me down, I would ditch them because I always expected more. Until someone stopped letting me down and then forced me to go to a therapist."

Dean loosens his grip on the bottle and makes eye contact with his friend. "Sam?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, you're brother can be very persistent." Castiel rests his cheek on Dean's shoulder.

"Don't I know it!" Dean smirks. He begins to rub his thumb side to side on the glass. "My mom died when I was four. It was like my world fell apart. My mom was the only one that could comfort me she made me so happy. It was worse for my dad. The day she died was the day he stopped being a father. He stopped caring for me and my baby brother. I was the one that read bed time stories, gave advice, and looked over his shoulder. My dad left us for weeks so I fended for myself. I didn't want Sammy to know something was wrong so I made sure to smile and give him my share of food when we ran out. When he came back, he was always drunk and always did something to hurt me. He never dared hurt Sam, but me, I'm just a disappointment."

Dean shut his eyes tightly before he continued. "At first it started with insults. Then a few shoves, until he started beating me unconscious." Cas gasps and grips Dean's hand tightly. "Oh yeah, I remember that night. The one night I wished he DIDN'T come back. I was just kissing some guy in our kitchen of another freaking motel and the next thing I know it's blood in my mouth not saliva." He laughs sarcastically.

~

He remembers the day clearly because it's always right there in the back of his mind. His brother was already in his room, a connecting room with the kitchen, and he was studying for the upcoming midterms. Their dad has been gone for a good month and he was in the kitchen hanging out with this random guy, if he could remember correctly his name is Aaron. It was innocent enough, discussing school, girls, and parties.

"Yeah there is a party this weekend you should come. I have a friend who's bringing weed and vodka it's going to be great." Aaron rambles.

"I don't know, I have to watch my brother." Dean rejects.

"Oh come on man, Sam is what? Twelve? He can watch himself for a night. Seriously, it'll be loads of fun."

"Maybe for a few hours…" He cautiously answer.

Dean can't remember what started the first kiss, but soon Aaron is on top of the counter and he was in between his legs. It was sloppy and honestly gross, but it made Dean feel at ease knowing he was kissing someone. Their noses kept bumping into each other and their teeth painfully collided. Hands were everywhere floating around or gripping arms. It was a mess.

It only got worse when Dean was suddenly slammed into the refrigerator and a fist crashed into his face. Blood instantly started pouring from his nose and into his mouth. Dean barely looks up to see his father's cloudy eyes staring back at him. It wasn't his dad though. This was a monster.

Dean barely notices Aaron fleeing the room, but he will always remember the look upon his father's face. It was just pure rage.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I did not raise you like- like this." He stumbles over his words but growls in his face. "You're disgusting, no wonder Mary left us. She wanted to get away from you." Dean just absorbs these statements with eyes wide open in fear and breathing in the heavy smell of some type of alcohol.

"Dad, please stop." Dean begged.

"You disgust me." John Winchester roars at his son and drags him onto the ground. He falls back and bangs his the back of his head on the hardwood floor. He beats his son into the ground each fist and kick more powerful from the last. Dean curls himself into a small fetal position.

"I didn't raise my son to be a fucking faggot- a fucking queer." He spits in Dean's face. "You are nothing. No one can ever love some thing like you."

"Stop, it won't ever happen again. I'm sorry." The rippling cry uncontrollably left his throat.

"You bet it won't happen again or else." The threat hangs heavily in the air.

"It won't, I swear." The growing lump in his throat suffocates him as he tries to find relief for his throat.

John didn't see Dean as a teenager anymore, never mind his child. He slams his steel toe boot into Dean's shin. His leg bends incorrectly, but John didn't seem to care.

Endless tears fall down Dean's face and the last thing he remembers is a look of hatred directed at him from his own father.

The next day he wakes up on the scraggly motel carpeted floor with dried blood covering his face. The window didn't have shades so he could tell it was still night out and he really needed to pee. He pushes up on his hands to lift himself only to fall down again. It hurt to move at all. He crawls closer to the refrigerator and pulls himself up by the handle. He struggles to reach to his feet, finally once on both feet, he looks at his surroundings. It all seemed to be the same except for an obvious puddle of dry blood where he was laying. He could tell his dad disappeared yet again because there was no snoring that could be heard, in fact he couldn't hear anything at all. For a frightening moment he thinks he has gone deaf until he reaches up to hold his head and a loud groan escapes him. No, he definitely heard himself. He licks his cracked lips only to feel them swollen, with a wince he limps to the shoebox of a bathroom. After he relieved himself, he stood still in front of the small mirror. He didn't recognize the person staring back at him. A darkened eye, purple handprint marked on his cheek, small cuts all over his face, and his lips are dark red/purple standing out. These are the finer details though. What he really noticed is the traumatized dead look on his face. There was no mistaking the tear trail and dull eyes no longer burning with rage anymore, the feeling was somehow worse than anger, he felt numb. 

He limps back out in search of his cheap track phone and calls Bobby to get some sort of help. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he dials his number.

"Singer Salvage Yard, this better be really fucking important because I'm busy." The man that was practically his uncle viciously growled over the other line. "You have two seconds to talk or I'm hanging up."

"Bobby?" He brokenly asks.

"Dean?" The voice morphed into concern. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"I think I want you here." The word need goes unsaid, but it's there. "I'm hurt and I don't know what to do."

"Balls." He mutters forlornly. "I'm guessing your daddy is still out?"

"Uh not exactly." Dean shamefully spoke tears welling up in his eyes again.

"Okay, where are you, boy?" Dean sits on the counter with a grimace of memories.

"Some crappy motel in Columbus, Nebraska."

"Okay, I'll find the crappiest motel they got and I'll be there two hours at the most." He replies, and Dean knows that it's more like a four hour drive, but he wasn't about to complain. "Dean?"

"Yeah, Bobby?" He whimpers as he looks at how bad his leg looks. Not only dark purple and black bruises, but it's bent weirdly.

"Try and get some sleep, I'll be there soon." The phone then lets out the dial tone and Dean knows he's now alone. 

He looks at the screen of his phone and the number two and the letters a.m. glowed brightly. He curses himself for waking Bobby at this time, but he really need someone by his side right now. Dean has never told anyone how his dad takes his anger out on him, but he has the feeling Bobby has also suspected his father's head hasn't been all there since his mom died. Bobby probably won't be that surprised that he stupidly put himself into this position. Dean stumbles into the connected room and sees his brother peacefully sleeping. Every few seconds he lets out a cute muffle quiet snore. Sam has always been a heavy sleeper. Dean hobbles over to the empty bed and sits on one of the sides. The springs pop and creak under his weight. He bends down to lift his leg onto the bed, but his arm were sore and gave out. He ends up falling asleep with his feet still on the ground and him half lying sideways on the single bed. He sleeps, it's not peaceful or even comforting, but it's rest.

Too quickly he was being woken up.

"What do you mean you don't know what happened!?" A deep voice asks uneasily.

"I mean I was just studying and went to bed. Then you were shaking me awake. He probably just got into a fight in school again." An obvious pre-teen voice recalls his story.

"Dean can hold his own. He can knock anyone his age flat on their ass with a snap of his finger. It looks like he's been hit by a bus. So explain to me what could possibly happen to make you elder brother look as beat up as this." Bobby huffs exasperated.

"Maybe he actually got hit by a bus." Sam says meekly, finally waking up enough to realize the extent of the damage done to his brother.

"Okay that's it I'm taking him to a hospital or back to my house. Either way we're leaving here now. How about you pack you and your brother bags and I'll wake him up and help him into the truck." Bobby orders the twelve year old, while he didn't want to freak the kid out, he needs to help Dean as soon as possible.

Sam knows fully well that it's not the time to argue, his brother is severely hurt and needs medical attention. Yet he is resentful at the world for making leave another school, and another life he has made. Mostly at his dad, because if Dean was his guardian he would never put him through the quarter of the stuff his dad does. Always high expectations then rips the rug from underneath him and on to the next town. Sam stopped caring for him a long time ago, he knows Dean looks up to him so he asks. "What about dad? Are we just leaving without him?"

Bobby doesn't even turn his head to answer the question, maybe expecting it. "When was the last time you saw your father?"

"About a month, maybe more." Sam answers while grabbing his school backpack.

"Exactly. He ditches you two this long to go off doing God's knows what. Sorry, Sam but that doesn't sound very fatherly to me. Dean was freaked out at two in the morning and his instinct is to call me. So I intend of taking care of him as well as I can, like the way your mom used to and the way your dad always dreamed of doing. I'm going to help and care for you both." Dean feels two firm hands lift him from his position and moved to a pleasant place with his feet laying out and his head on a hard pillow. "Frankly your father shouldn't have custody of you two, it worries me."

"Nah, you shouldn't worry about that, while he is a pretty crappy dad he would never hurt us." Sam says confidently and continues to shove clothes into his and Dean's bag.

"Hmm." Bobby hums under his breathe. "Hey will ya dump those bags into the back up my pickup?" He tosses the keys towards Sam with an encouraging tiny smile.

"Sure I'll be right back." Sam runs off out of the room.

Dean stops pretending to be asleep and blinks his eyes hesitantly open to see a furious look on this non-blood related uncle. "He did this didn't he?" It was hardly a question from the way he phrased it.

"Yes." Dean weakly admits. "It was my fault though."

"The hell it was!" Bobby gives him a dirty look for even suggesting such a thing.

"You don't know what happened!" Dean protested.

"Don't you dare defend your father right now, Dean Winchester. I don't care if you unleashed the zombie apocalypse. No one has the right to lay a hand on their own child." Bobby wipes blood from his face and arms with a wet wash cloth.

"You don't understand." He guiltily says.

"Then explain it to me." Dean knew his injuries are bad by the way the older man kept sweeping his eye down his body like he was a fragile barbie doll.

"He walked in on me kissing-" He starts with a heavy weight laying on his chest.

"Oh who cares! Teenagers kiss other teenagers. Teenagers have sex with other teenagers. It's not a complicated concept and you shouldn't be beating yourself about it." Bobby hold out his hand for Dean to grasp.

"I was kissing a guy." Dean screeched ashamed and covered his face with his arms for protection.

But no blows rained down on him. He sneaks a look out from behind his arms he feels like a baby playing peekaboo. He prepares himself for a look of disgust, but was shocked to see his facial expression hasn't changed.

"I still stand by my statement, now take my hand so I can help you into the truck."

Dean failed to keep his composure and has his mouth hanging wide open as he grasps his hand. He leans on his uncle to walk because his legs are even more sore than yesterday.

"So…" Bobby starts, "Against my better judgement I'm sure you are going to fight me into going back to my house and not to the hospital."

"Yup." Dean says simply.

Bobby guffaws at his simplicity, "It's good to see you kid."

~

"The night he died, he told me I was a good-for-nothing worthless kid and passed out with alcohol in his hand. I told myself that I would never turn into him and yet here I am." Dean gestures to the unopened bottle.

Castiel soars up to catch Dean's lips on his. Dean's eyes are shocked wide open and his hand looses its grip on the bottle and it falls to the floor. The bottle shatters and the glass pieces randomly scatter across the room. The deafening smell of whiskey fill their noses. Dean's hand grasps Cas' hip tightly and both their eyes snap shut. Their lips slides against each other. Dean's chapped lips met Cas' smooth ones. Castiel blindly lifts his leg over Dean's thigh so Cas is sitting comfortably on top of him with his head tilted downwards. This process made the book from Cas' own lap fall into the mixture of broken glass and whiskey. Without a care in the world, Castiel cradles the back of his neck. Their heartbeats race as they slowly kiss each other. Dean whines quietly at the sudden stimulation and leans in closer, using both his arms to pull Castiel closer to him. Castiel's voice catches in his throat as he is pulled into Dean's body. They breathe into each other and Dean has never felt more important in his life and Cas has finally met his perfection. The kiss ends quickly, but they stay in their position in peace.

"I think you are significant and you're definitely worthwhile." Castiel promises against his lips. "I can help you, Dean just please let me help you."

"I sure didn't care that whiskey and glass shards are covering my floor when you were 'helping' me." Dean replies staring at Castiel's swollen lips.

Cas rolls his eyes and laughs into his neck.

"My mom would have liked you, she definitely would have liked your name." Dean locks eyes with the male still on top of him.

"Well my mother would've hated you." Castiel says straight faced.

"Hey!" Dean smacks his arm. "I'm trying to have a moment here."

"Sorry continue with your 'chick flick moment'." He mimics Dean's low voice. 

"I think she would say that I got lucky because you are watching over me. She always used to tell me that angels were watching over me and let's face it you're an angel." Dean admits quietly.

"I'm human, Dean." Castiel glares completely oblivious. "And what do you mean, I'm watching over you?"

"I mean you are so angelic that and kind, you're so willing to help people without anything in return." Dean says.

"I have to be honest, Dean. I wouldn't do this for just anyone. You're different, you're special. You have been ridiculed you're entire life and still you put others before yourself. It's remarkable, but I want to be the one to help you heal your battle scars and live again." Cas softly caresses Dean's freckled cheek with his thumb. "I want to help you be yourself minus the hatred."

Dean doesn't know what to say to the perfect man in front of him, so he leans forward to kiss him. Cas leans in too with his eyes fluttering shut. Dean stabilizes himself by putting his feet firmly on the ground.

Dean flinches as glass punctures his foot. Castiel jumps in shock and searches Dean's eyes for rejection.

"What's wrong?" Cas asks concerned.

"Nothing just come here." He pulls him in for another kiss.

Cas ignores him, pushing away, then he immediately understands. He rolls off his legs to the other side of the couch to inspect the damage. He sees thick red bloods mixing in with the dirty liquor seeping into the carpeted floor. Castiel grabs Dean's feet to see one big piece of glass prodding out of one foot and tiny little pieces randomly placed throughout.

"I'm driving you to a hospital." Castiel answers anxiously.

"No, no hospital." He protests with a frightened look on his face. "I refuse to go to a hospital."

Castiel is ready to argue until he realizes who his is talking to. Dean won't do something like get help unless he thinks it's absolutely necessary. Castiel isn't ready to give up Dean's trust for glass he may be able to get out.

"Okay, but I'm taking all of this out." Castiel states certainly.

Dean nods his head with a relieved face plastered on and waits for Castiel's orders. "Put your feet up on the couch and I'll clean up the remaining pieces. Then I will take all the glass out, deal?"

"Deal." He murmurs back and swings both his legs on top of Castiel's thighs. Cas moves from underneath him and jumps off one arm of the couch away from the glass. He runs to the kitchen to grab a broom and dust pan. He comes back and crouches down like a cat to try and sweep the sharp glass into the dust pan. The hundred tiny pieces starts getting stuck and lost into the bottom of the brush. The mixture of liquids continues to spread. When all the glass pieces are safely off the floor, he sets paper towels down to soak up the repugnant and repelling smell. He finally picks up his disgustingly stain book and tosses it on the coffee table.

"Well, if it makes you fell any better this is definitely a memorable experience for me. The first time we kiss, I step in broken glass."

Castiel blatantly ignores him. "Where's the tweezers?"

"Top drop drawer in the bathroom," he directs. "Well they might be in there. They're probably in the bathroom."

Castiel mentally prepares himself and searches the wreck of the disorganized bathroom for bandages, isopropyl alcohol, and tweezers. After he searches up and down, he finally finds the three items and returns to the annoyed patient.

"Don't look at me like that, you did this to yourself. Not only did you drop the bottle, but you stepped on the broken bottle." Castiel glares daring him to argue.

"Sorry, in case you didn't notice, I was preoccupied by a man on top of me that seemed to be extremely enthusiastic." Dean teases back.

His face heats up a toasty colored red and his eyes zero in on Dean's face. "I wasn't the enthusiastic one," he replies back with a hidden smile behind his words.

Castiel picks up his feet and sits back down and lets his feet rest on his lap. Cas uses the tweezers to carefully pick out the big pieces of glass and sets them down on a bandage. Dean flinches each time a piece is removed which only makes Castiel jumpy, too.

"I'm going to get the smaller pieces of glass now, you need to be still." Castiel orders and Dean nods his in a grimace. Despite Castiel's warnings, Dean can't help but fidget and hum along to a song in his head. It would be amusing to watch Dean squirm like a child being forced to take couch medication if there wasn't a pointy object near his feet. Cas tries to dig a small particle from his heel which earns him a yelp and a kick to his stomach.

"Okay, I'm driving you to the hospital now." He scolds him like a disobedient child.

"No, I'm not going to a hospital. I'll do it myself." Dean yanks the tweezers from his hand and moves the bottom of his foot close to him until it was in his line of view. He painfully tugs at the skin until he's sure there is no glass in that particular spot and moves on.

Cas stares disapprovingly down at him, "Dean" he sadly started.

"I'm fine Cas go back to reading or something." Dean waves him away.

"Dean," he insists.

"I said I'm fine! Did you think it's my first time taking glass out of my skin?" Dean raises his voice above that imaginary appropriate noise level. It shocks the unharmed man into silence. "I'm used to doing this, it's no big deal. My dad would also throw plates, picture fames, and bottles. I know how to disinfect and clean myself."

"That's the point though, you shouldn't be used to doing this. You should be used to smiling, having fun with friends, getting a full nights rest. You shouldn't be used to the burning of alcohol, glass punctures, and bruises." He is close to hysteria listening to Dean degrade himself.

"You shouldn't be used to people disappointing you, yet you're sitting here with me." Dean angrily replies back.

"You know what? I'm done. I'm done trying to help you. Have fun fixing your problems alone because I don't know how I can possibly help you. All you do is push the people that care about you away, so you don't get hurt yourself. Well, guess what. You win. I'm leaving." Castiel gets up and walks right out of the apartment. "And do us all a favor and go to the hospital." He stomps angrily away with his head pounding and hands shaking. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he knows Dean can't help the fact that he hates himself so profoundly that he is always sabotaging his own relationships, but that only makes the throbbing pain in his head grow stronger. That was the moment he realizes that Dean is probably telling himself that everyone leaves him because of stupid confirmation bias. As Castiel walks briskly away from the apartment he ends up running straight into his best friend.

"Hey can you help me the bags are pretty heavy- hey what's wrong?" Sam drops the groceries to comfort him.

"You should drive him to the hospital." Cas replies and weaves himself around Sam and leaves the apartment in the dust. Not really knowing where he's going, just far, far away. A place where he could sit and think about how to proceed at all. Some place where he can get all his feelings down on a blank canvas, away from the self loathing man who probably thinks Castiel hates him. That's not true at all though, but he really hates the people who contributed to Dean's downfall.

 

 

Chapter 9

After Castiel angrily stumbled out of the apartment complex, he somehow ended up calling a cab. The rusty pale yellow cab pulls up to the curb Cas was sitting on about twenty minutes since he called. He grumpily decided his best friend is stupid for not taking Dean immediately to the hospital. He tells the driver to head for the for a park before he could decide if he sounded like a pedophile or not. He wanted to get out of this congested city and into a breath of fresh air. He's only in the vehicle for minutes when the car comes to a halting stop.

"Here okay?" The taxi driver said in a questioning quiet voice.

Castiel turns to see a basketball court, grass, and trees. The different shades of green makes his smile.

"Yes this will be fine." He paid the driver and trudges towards the slightly frosty grass and sits down in the damp field. It's chilly, but he didn't mind. No one was really around, but he contently watches each blade of grass and every crumbled up leaf move in the random wind current. Different varieties of brown, muddy, tan, and light brown mixes with the bright colors of green grows in unique heights. Cas sits down in the middle of the fields and they tickle his skin where his pant leg mets his shoe. He runs his hand through the patches of grass and the his hand movement with the tiny icy blades reminds him of touching Dean's hair, except it's warmer and softer. Two things that he wish he had at the moment. Wilted dandelions of in the distance imitated himself as he was hunched over staring at his hands. He never understood how people could find nature ugly. It's beyond beautiful. Cas could see the beauty when no one else could, that dying rotting tree over there? It's actually dancing it's way to freedom. He likes a optimistic view of the world, it useful when you're running out of hope.

"Is this seat taken?" Charlie plops down next to him her fiery hair flying behind her. She slides her heavy jacket off which reveals her sweatshirt. She drapes the jacket over his shoulders. "You are going to get sick out here in the cold and wet grass."

To say he is surprised is an understatement, but he doesn't show what he's feeling. This is mostly because he didn't feel like doing much of anything except to observe at the grass. "How did you find me?" He asks with a small bubble of curiosity filling up inside him.

"As Sam was taking Dean to the hospital, he called to tell me that you stormed out. From our previous conversation, I deducted that you're the type of guy to find peace and quiet outdoors when you have to clear your head. So I searched for a close, but small park and here you are. I should be Sherlock now I just need to find a female Watson and we will have a gender swap and the perfect couple because let's face it there is major subtext in the BBC's version of Sherlock. And to be honest Mary doesn't even deserve John Watson-." She stops herself when she sees the devastated look on his face. "Dean said said something stupid, didn't he."

He finally looks up to give her his confused face, his eyebrows are scrunched together and his head is tilted to the side.

She throws her arms up to protest, "Hey, I'm his best friend, and as such I can confidently say that he is also a dumbass with foot in mouth syndrome. Judging from the fact you look more sad than angry, I'm guessing he started insulting himself or started pushing you away or both."

He hummed back a positive response and turned and tipped his head back until the back of his head was resting on her shins.

"See I told you I'm Sherlock, I actually have my own deerstalker hat. I look so badass especially with my long coat and purple shirt. Did you know that most girls that dress up like Sherlock wear a purple shirt and scarf." She continues to talk about Sherlock, then Benedict Cumberbatch, then the Imitation Game. He doesn't mind though because she looks so happy to talk about something she is passionate about. "And the whole fracking time I watched Doctor Who I thought about kissing Billie Piper." She sighs trying to ignore the windy chills.

"I kissed Dean." Castiel blurted out.

Cas looks up towards the dark cloudy sky to see Charlie just smiling gently at him. "If this was any other situation I would just congratulate you and try to get the deets even if it wasn't necessary, but since Dean is now in the hospital. I need to know the story of how kisses lead to hospitalization. What even happened to him? He wouldn't go if he could help it, Dean hates hospitals."

"I just… He pulled this bottle of whiskey from underneath the couch." Cas started to tell the tale of the wonderful kiss and the cut-open foot.

"Well sounds believable so far, that boy hides alcohol in the weirdest places I swear. He hid some in his vacuum cleaner. His vacuum cleaner!" She shakes her head and looks down at the man to see him grimacing with his eyes shut.

"And we were just talking you know. He was upset about something and I know he doesn't want sympathetic words so I just kissed him." Charlie squeals in delight as he continues his story. "He was so surprised and dropped the bottle. Fast forward and dozens of glass shards are now in the bottom of his feet."

"Okay that makes sense, but why would he willingly go to the hospital? His uncle, well more like surrogate father, told me that he once had a broken leg at sixteen and still refused to go." She creates friction on the sleeves of he sweatshirt to keep warm.

"Well uhh that may have been the final straw for me when we got into that fight." Cas says sheepishly, he had no idea that Dean didn't like to go to hospitals.

"Oh my god! He went because you told him too. He's never going to be able to live this down." She jumps up and runs to the parking lot. "C'mon I know a nice diner!" She yells in excitement.

He may not understand her, but he sure does like the feeling of having another friend.

~

"And how did this incident happen?" The young doctor asks politely.

"I dropped a glass bottle and it shattered." Dean answers back just as kindly.

"So you were cleaning up when all these pieces got stuck in your foot?" Sam pushes trying to find the truth in the story.

"No, it didn't clean it up, I was busy. Then I got distracted, forgot about the mess, and stepped in it." He couldn't look at his younger brother so he kept his eye on the girl in front of him.

She was about to speak when an annoyed Sam cried out, "What could you have possibly been doing to forget about the glass shards that you made on your own floor?"

"Rose Tyler's face is magical," he cleverly smirked in amusement.

"Okay!" The doctor interrupts their own battle. "I'll get someone to get get these out of your feet, but from what I can see you'll be fine and sent home in less than a hour."

"Thanks doc!" Dean says and she gave them each a smile before evacuating the room.

"Okay seriously tell me what's going on? You volunteered to go to a hospital!? You have been refusing medical help ever since mom died and Castiel just storms out like you guys had a fight and you have been completely ignoring me and making up jokes as if this is a time for your comedy." Sam continues to ramble and even after all this time, he reminds Dean when Sam was a child asking questions about everything. "And now you're grinning, why are you grinning?"

"One, another person just proved how right I am. Two, you look like a ten year old all flustered like that." Truth be told watching Sam being so flustered because he was hurt made him think back to all the times Sam would give Dean ice packs because Dean 'kept getting into fights at school.' Even though it as the most depressing part of his life at the time Sam was so happy and innocent. It was nice to see this side of him again.

"Is this why he is being so compliant? Because he's high." The two boys look up to see Bobby standing there with a mixture of anger, amusement, and fond.

"Who called you?" Bobby looked at him like he was an idiot. Dean rolls his eyes in realization, "Sammy don't you know that Bobby is a busy man, he doesn't have time to make useless trips to the doctor."

"I just happen to be a little confused. You get a tiny insignificant piece of glass stuck in your foot and you let your brother drive your car and bring you to the hospital… What's really going on?" He asks with a cocky smirk teasing him like he already knows.

"Nothing is going on! I just had a friend that suggested that I go get my feet looked at, that's all." Dean gives Bobby the classic shut-the-hell-up look.

"What? Cas told you to come here?" Sam asked, still trying to fit the scattered puzzle pieces into place.

"Ohhhh, who is Cas?" The man teases Dean. "What is that short for? Cassandra?"

"Oh no." Sam answers for him. "Cas as in Castiel he is most definitely male so you don't have to worry about Dean crushing on him and he's my roommate/best friend."

Bobby stares at Sam like he's still an oblivious kid, some things never change. Their uncle snuck a glance at Dean to see him shift backwards away from them both.

"Sam could you please let us speak alone for a second." The youngest male shakes his head no like he has a choice to be in the upcoming conversation. "Sam, you called me while I was on a date, I sped down here as fast as I could because you said your brother was in the hospital and he's fine. The least you owe me is a moment with your brother." Sam awkwardly rubs the back of his neck and makes a beeline for the door.

"He's so oblivious, it's endearing and annoying at the same time. I mind as well add that you are not subtle… at all." Bobby sits in the plastic chair in the corner of the room.

"Thanks Bobby." Dean answers sarcastically feeling a tad bit more comfortable.

"Now tell me is this the same guy you were so happy, you were skipping around the other day? And how did this happen? Not to mention the fact you came to the hospital because a boy told you to! You must like him a lot." He chuckles.

"Uh I guess, but we're not dating and probably never will because I fucked up. It's a long story and yes I came to the hospital because he insisted I do so, is that really so bad?" Dean tries to act nonchalant, but his face is burning bright red.

"No, not bad. Just hilarious." He tips the chair back so it's resting against the wall. "Now tell me what you did."

"Oh ya know the usual, he offers to help me and I scared him off." Dean offers with a frown.

"Okay, let me guess. He's being supportive of you and you continuously put yourself down. He gets extremely frustrated and leaves, but not without telling you to go to the hospital." A knock bangs on the door.

"Come in." Dean says and looks sheepishly at his uncle/father.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Tran, but you can call me Kevin." The man seems content helping Dean's dumbass. "I'll be the one to get the glass out. It seems like that most of it was already taken out so this will be very easy. Did the person who took the glass out use disinfectant?"

"Uh I don't think so." Dean replies.

"Okay, I was going to disinfect it anyway, but just checking."

By the time Kevin is done. Sam is done fawning over Dean and is out looking for his best friend. Bobby is even grumpier and talking about he could be having dinner with his date.

"You know I'd feel better if you actually told me how you got hurt. Did he get pissed and throw a bottle at you, or what?" He eyes Dean waiting for an answer.

"What are you a teenage girl? Why do you care so much anyway." Dean is pulling at the bandages on his foot nervously.

"Dammit Dean! I want to know if you're safe." Bobby chokes out with anxiety filling his voice.

"Whoa you think he did this. No, this is my fault." Dean never thought he'd see Bobby this stressed about him since the night his dad died.

"Yeah, well, you said it was your fault when he started beating you for no fucking reason so why don't you just tell me what happened so I can make my own damn opinion." He breathing is accelerating at the thought of his boy being harmed.

"If I tell you what happened will you lay off?" Dean asks quietly having a loud debate inside his head.

"Yes, but only if you tell me the truth." Bobby watches Dean's every move to make sure he doesn't try and get the hell out of dodge.

"You have to promise not to laugh." Dean waits for confirmation, and only gets a confused stare.

"I promise."

"I had the bottle in my hand. He kissed me. I dropped the bottle. I started freaking out. I stepped on the broken bottle. Happy?" Yet again Dean awaits the humiliation that will never come from the elder man.

"Idjit." Bobby responses and with half a smile he leaves the room.

~

 

Castiel is enlightened about the wonders of the waitress Jo Harvell by the rosy cheeked Charlie Bradbury as time moves on. They sit in a tiny booth and immediately a tall blonde girl hands Charlie a mug full of coffee.

"What can I get you darling?" She asks Cas with a slight southern accent in her voice.

"Uh can I have a hamburger?" Cas is mostly questioning the smitten look on his friend's face.

"Sure, how would you liked that cooked." The waitress asks like a repeated rhythm rolling of her tongue. "Rare, medium-rare, medium, medium well, or well-done?"

"Uhh…" not the right time for him to be answering questions. His mind is filled with hysterical mixed emotions and he has never been the person to make decisions. He once stayed in Home Depot for an hour just staring at different shades of blue for the tardis picture he wanted to paint.

Thankfully Charlie comes to his rescue, "Hey Jo, he'll have a medium burger with a side of fries and surprise him with some type of soda." Charlie's eyes twinkle while staring up at the girl.

"Let me guess," Jo grins in amusement. "Fries on a separate plate and put them on your side of the table."

"What? Why would you think that?" They both giggle at their own little inside joke.

"Don't worry I'll make sure to order extra for you." Jo says directing her voice at Cas.

She walks away and Charlie rests her elbow on the table, making a fist, she pushes her face against her hand. She sighs in delight.

"You like her." Cas says simply. She darts her eyes over to Castiel to see him already looking out the window deep in thought.

"Yeah, I guess I do." She admits out loud. "Her name is Jo and I met her like two months ago, we flirted and then Dean took off in his car. I ended up staying here with her, and I guess we're kind of seeing each. I guess she can be my Watson. But this definitely does not compare to how much Dean likes you."

"What do you mean?" Cas jerks his head to look at Charlie.

"You mean you don't see it?" She reaches out to poke his cheek.

"See what?" He's engrossed in her movement wanting the answers to help solve the most difficult puzzle known as Dean Winchester.

"He looks at you like you just saved the world." She smiles at him with the secret twinkle in her eye as she indiscreetly sips her coffee. "I mean, you have saved his world. Don't tell me you haven't noticed how much happier he is being since you have been in his life. You're like his own personal pretty boy angel."

"Dean has been helping himself. The fact that I am in his life hasn't magically made him feel better." Castiel protests.

"True, but you gave him the strength. That little extra push to help himself and you have given him a reason to try and actually be happy." Charlie says and watches him take this into consideration.

"Then why is he pushing me away?" Castiel deflates like balloon slowly losing air by one small sharp poke.

"He pushes you away because his worse fear is people leaving him." They both hear her phone ding declaring a new message.

"That doesn't make sense! Why would he try to get me to do something if he is afraid it will actually happen." He argues with the overwhelming frustration in his eyes.

"Oh please! Are you telling me that you never heard the saying the best way to hide is in plain sight? The best way to keep a secret is to tell everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding." She smirks as the quote slips from her lips.

"What?" He puts his arms on the table and slams he head down on his forearms.

"Oh c'mon, that was from Lemony Snicket. I seriously need to educate you." She pulls her phone out and hit the home button to see her new message.

"That's funny, Dean said something like that too." He ponders over their alike personalities as he watches her facial expressions turn sour.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing new, Dean is an idiot, but he's safe at home. Apparently, Bobby dropped him off there." She taps out a quick reply on her phone.l

"Who's Bobby?" Cas asks with a bemused smile.

"Wow you're best friends with Sam and crushing on Dean and you don't know who Bobby is?" She mumbles in a mildly shocked voice.

"Neither of them talk about personal relations often." He grumbles.

"Yeah, those stupid Winchesters. Well, Bobby is basically their surrogate father, more so for Dean. Most of the time they call him 'Uncle Bobby' either way he is part of the family." She explains, tapping the side of her phone.

"Sam doesn't think of him as a father?" Cas seems perplexed by the whole situation.

"Sam looks up to him, but I don't think enough to look up to him as a father. He knows his biological father is a jackass, but he still looks at John like his father." She replies with her usually bright energetic face darkening.

Chapter 10

"I'm not going!" Cas yells from underneath the pillow that hardly blocks his voice.

"Why not? You get to see the other exhibits and you get to see if you won a prize. What's the big deal?" Sam tries to grasp his legs from under the heavy blanket to pull him off the guest bed.

"Go away!" Cas screams like a spoiled child not getting his way. He blindly kicks at his friend's hands.

"Castiel what's wrong? You have been off ever since yesterday." Sam asks truly worried by his behavior.

Cas bites down on the sheet that stuffed in his face. It smells like laundry detergent and he bunches it together with his fingers to feel the soft cotton being pulled of the bed frame. He knows he has no real reason to be pissed off at Sam, but his art is personal to him and this one painting is a piece of his heart. Reds, oranges, and yellows spread addictively across the bottom of the canvas with the one pure tortured soul struggles to breathe above the heat. When the painting was only in progress, Castiel would look at the picture like what does not belong. Trying to play a children's game of 'I Spy.' Fire, torture, hatred, fear, and oh, look at that a beautiful lost person still fighting for life. For once in his life he craved a happy ending for that person. It didn't take long for Cas to realize he's painting his own feelings for Dean on the canvas.

He couldn't get the drunken nickname Dean gave him out of his head. His mother has always wanted for him to be an obedient angel, hence the name, Castiel, but he hated it. He loathed being treated as soldier born to serve her needs, hated the black winged necklace she gave him as a birthday present. Those expectations melted away when he met him. The way Dean looked up to him in awe, as he asked if he is an angel. The name angel were a strike of pain coming from his mother, but from Dean it sounds like a honor. Cas felt the powerful energy of pride flowing through him even if Dean was hungover and incoherent. If anything it made him feel better because he knew Dean was actually thinking that and not just mocking him.

That's how he realized he needed to complete the picture with an angel helping him escape from hell. Dean deserves to be loved, not going through the motions trapped and exiled into a world of loneliness. The angel cradled the soul tightly to his body and the heavenly glow radiated from the angel's body. That's why Castiel is so angry for Sam exploiting his painting. It's not just an angel rescuing a human from hell or an angel attempting to drag the righteous man out of redemption, it's Cas saving Dean.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm fine." Maybe I'm upset because you went behind my back, went through my stuff, and submitted art work that was never supposed to be seen by anyone except myself. "I'm just tired." Cas turns his head to clearly speak to Sam.

"I'm really sorry," Sam apologizes for the fourth time that morning. "I never wanted to invade your privacy."

Castiel flips himself around in the cocoon of blankets he has wrapped around him. He sits up with his bed hair and morning breath making itself known. "Sam, I am not going to the stupid art showcase. You can go, but I'll be fine here getting some more sleep. Let me know if I won anything." Castiel huffs, but Sam can now see the pain behind his words. His actions has harmed his best friend.

"Okay, I'm going to go to the art show. Dean is still here because Bobby won't let him work right now because of the whole glass incident. No one will tell me what happened but maybe you guys can make up while I'm gone." Sam pats his best friend's covered feet in comfort before leaving the guest bedroom.

Cas watches Sam's back fade away until he falls back asleep.

 

~

Six year old Castiel watches from the sidelines as his classmates hand each other valentines. Earlier Gabriel told him that people gave other people valentines and candy to show that they like that person. Yet again he is outcasted, while every other child gets a treat he is left by himself with no one. All the other children are running around the room laughing or talking with their friends. The heartbroken boy slide into the corner of the room trying to block the contact of everyone else. He already handed his cards to each student and even his teacher, yet no one returned the favor. Usually someone would give him a look of pity, but not today. No one will even glance in his direction.

He decided to ask his mom about it later.

"Mom why doesn't anyone like me?" Cas questions close to tears.

"That doesn't matter because God loves you and he is always enough." This mother answers coldly without trying to comfort her son.

He then asks his dad.

"Why don't I have any friends?" Little Castiel asks looking up towards his father.

"Maybe you just weren't supposed to have friends." His father mutters.

From then on he stopped trying to be social there was no point in having friends if not even his parents could love him.

 

~

The man gently knocks on the door of the guest bedroom. "Hey buddy, you in there? Sam left earlier, I was wondering if you wanted something to eat?"

Unwanted silence greets him. He slowly pushes open the door to see clothes thrown around the room and piles of blankets surrounding Castiel. Dean approaches the bed and sits next to his sleeping crush. His body sinks into the cushion and he looks down at the back of Castiel's head.

"I'm sorry," Dean apologizes at the sleeping friend. "I'm a dick who shoved your insecurities into your face. I just really hate the hospital. My mom died because we had a house fire. I remember running into Sam's room to see my mom being burned alive." He fist clenches together tightly on the brink of drawing blood."

"My dad was there too, holding Sammy in his arms. We both saw her screaming and dying. My dad shoved Sam into my arms and frantically screamed at me to run. I ran outside and the house practically exploded. My dad got out of the house, but had severe damage to his lungs. The fire men were able to get my mom out and we were all rushed to the hospital while our lives, our memories burned to the ground." Dean struggles to keep his tears at bay, but one tear ran down his face causing him to breathily exhale stretching his limbs before he continued.

"My father was unconscious in a hospital bed, my brother was under observation because he was so little and fragile. I was the only one not admitted into the hospital. I stayed at my mom's side because she was always the one to comfort me. The monitor kept on annoyingly beeping until it suddenly stopped and I realized I was the only person in the room and my mom could never hug me again. I don't think I ever felt safer in her arms and that was taken away from me. I thought I could never feel lonelier than that in that moment when nurses and doctors pushed me out of the room and my mom's lifeless body laid there, but as I grew the loneliness just grew. I grew up alone. My brother just wanted me to move on, my father just wanted to die, and I just wanted my mom back." The shakiness of his voice spread throughout his body. His hands trembled and the tears were free falling now.

"My father was the only one who got what he wanted." Deans whispers to himself. "You don't have to pretend to be sleeping, I knew you were awake since I walked through that door."

Cas shifts around so he can lay on top of Dean's chest. "I'm so sorry, Dean."

"It's okay."

"If I could I would give you your mom back. I would do anything to make you that happy again."

For a while they laid there without trying to move. Dean tried to match up their breathing, but seemed impossible. Cas just snuggled into Dean and he used his arm to hold him.

"How are you friends with my brother?" Dean explodes sitting up.

"Excuse me? What do you-"

"I get that you're both nerdy, but you guys are seriously complete opposites I doesn't make any sense." Dean explains and the tired shocked boy beside him. "You are like Instagram and Sam is like Tumblr. You are like the hipster in the corner taking black and white pictures. He's always on top of the 'next big thing.' He is looking at the movies and tv shows and calculating every word said to see if it's offensive or not."

"Charlie is more like Tumblr." Castiel pitches in.

"Yeah she probably is, she's the one always talking about shipping and subtext. Maybe Sam is Pinterest, unnecessary, complicated, and useless. But you are Instagram, the perfect picture to brighten everyone's day as they scroll down their phone." Dean teases tucking the top of Castiel's head underneath his chin.

"When did Charlie show you Insta?" Cas asks amused.

"Just the other day. She may have freaked out and called me an 'uncultured swine.'" Dean chuckles loudly, both their happiness filling up the room.

"She's definitely Tumblr," Cas agrees with a grin lighting up his face.

"But seriously you two are complete opposites how did you guys get to become such good friends?"

"Funny story actually, we were both running thirteen point one miles, which is a half marathon. Sam stuck out like a sore thumb. He's really tall and sweating obnoxiously with his hair tied back into a bun. One of the stops where they hand out water to the runners, he poured water down his face instead of drinking it. Apparently he had sunblock on his face though, so it liquified because of the water and swept into his eyes. He was screaming loudly when he run into me making us both fall over into the hot cemented road. So two guys over six foot laying on a road during a half marathon. That was how I met my best friend." Cas recalls turning his body so one leg hooked on Dean's leg.

"Really?" Dean asks incredulously.

"No, not really, you uncultured swine!" Castiel imitates Charlie's voice. "We met at a Starbucks during midterms and we became study buddies."

"Never mind you are both stupid nerds." Dean groans his chest bouncing up and down in more laughter.

"Sam and you are more alike than you think." Castiel says proudly.

"What makes you think that?" Dean questions truly stumped.

"You both are brave, smart, and kind." Dean makes a protesting noise in the back of his throat. "Don't doubt yourself, Dean. I choose the people I spend time with very carefully and I have to say I love spending time with you." Cas compliments.

"Yeah because a high school dropout is so intelligent."

"There you go again! You always belittle yourself and the worst part is that you believe that it's the truth." That line hangs in the air and Dean tugs Castiel closer. His arm is firmly tucked into Cas' side. "I know that you dropped out of high school for a reason. When Sam and I first met at college, he couldn't stop talking about his inspirational big brother. He told me that you stopped going to school to work for your uncle- I'm guessing that is Bobby- so you could pay for the bills and save up to get him through law school. He told me that you had high grades even after traveling from school to school. That you are the smartest person that he knows. That sounds humble and selfless to me." Cas praises with his cheek pressed into Dean's chest.

"I needed to do that though. Our dad wasn't around at all, I needed to work to make sure he could eat-"

"Dean, stop. Sam dropped out of law school and no one looks down at him for that. It just wasn't meant to be. Anyone else in your position wouldn't need to stop being a normal teenager to raise their younger sibling, but I understand why you felt or feel that you need to be his role model and take care of him. And I think you're forgetting that it worked. You succeeded, Sam is such an amazing person and it's because of you that he had the outlets and opportunities he needed to become the man he is today. It's like you don't even see how people look at you. Everyone that has met you can see the goodness in your eyes. Your best friend, Charlie, is in awe of how incredible you are. I wish you could see the way I see you, the most important person in the world." Castiel lifts his head to look Dean in his eyes to make sure he knows how truthful his words are.

"That's really funny." Dean mumbles in his ear.

"It's not a joke, I'm being serious."

"No, not that. You see me as the most important person in the world. The sliver of hope for life. The one star that brightly shines through the deep dark night. That's how I see you." Dean strokes the side of his face affectionately. "Which is why I'm forcing you to go to this dumb art show. Now get up and take a shower before I drag you in there with me." He throws in a wink for good measure while pushing Cas through the bedroom door.

"I hope you do see me that way, so you can understand why you inspire me." Cas whispers, but his words loudly carry the message that strikes Dean in the heart because that is the message he has been craving to here again since his mother left him. The thought of being worth so much more than his brain tells him every morning.

~

The place is a wonderland, for Dean it was like walking into an alternate universe. All varieties of different art enclosed him in this one large room. There are pottery of shapes and sizes. Colored bowls and cups that are uniquely formed. Sculptures are on pedestals of animals and inanimate objects pushing the illusion of a wonderland. Pencil drawings proving the beauty of the different shades of white, gray, and black. Paintings are hanged expressing emotions that most people are too ashamed to speak out loud. Lyrics are written on some, all different colors, shine brightly like the first time his mom brought him inside a fabric shop. Pain emulates through some pictures with strategically placed paint brush strokes. Bliss are directed in some, clear with one glance at a well crafted eye. People brushed by each other in a hurry to see every exhibit they could, before the creators could claim and take their master pieces back home. Special, over the top, impressive, artwork is reward with a blue, red, white, or yellow ribbon. Various signs in the room labeled the ribbon color meaning.

Blue- First Place  
Red- Second Place  
White- Third Place  
Yellow- Special Recognition

"Dude this place is awesome!" Dean exclaims spinning around in circles to see most of the different art pieces.

"It's very intriguing." Cas replies aiming not to see his piece, therefore not seeing the reactions people are giving to his project. He stood tall in the eye of the storm facing down towards his feet with a man who was acting like a giddy boy who never visited a candy shop before by his side.

"C'mon let's go see the other art pieces!" Dean declares tugging Cas by his hand along with him.

Dean ran with his fingers awkwardly grabbing the palm of Castiel's hand pulling along the other man like a heavy sack of potatoes. They weaved through a ballerina sculpture, many flower paintings, rambunctious children, and paper mache birds until Dean abruptly stopped in front of the most heart wrenching painting he saw. There was a man being burned alive by bright raging colors and the darkness was sweeping him away, but there is an angelic white glow of an angel in the fire holding the man together. It broke his heart to see the mixed emotions in the painting. The man is trying to move, but his body is limp against the angel who is saving him. Unsurprisingly a prideful blue ribbon is pinned next to the canvas indicating first place. Dean couldn't help but stare in awe at the raw beauty which is why he didn't notice Cas uncomfortably shift when he reacted toward the painting. Dean eyes rake down the painting into the bottom right corner to see who is the creator of the piece and a lump in his throat builds up when he sees the boldly written name Castiel Novak.

"Wow." Dean breathes out in shock.

"Uh yeah." Cas sheepishly says.

It was a sight to see them, one six foot man staring at his shoes and a six foot two man with his jaw hanging open staring up at a painting that's hanged up on the wall. Their hands cling gracelessly together, showing the distance between each other. Dean's shoulders are relaxed and his eyes sparkle with regained inspiration burning behind his eyes. Castiel squeezes his hand and simultaneously shuts his eyes tightly.

"Cas," Dean can't control the shocked whispers releasing through his mouth. "Cas, please look at me."

Castiel violently shakes his head, not wanting to see the look of disappointment, anger, or hatred in Dean's eyes. Yet, another emotion holding him back. Fear; the deadliest emotion capable by the human brain. The one feeling that has always held him back, speaking up against his parents, auditioning for the school play, making a new friend. That one friend that never leaves and reminds you how worthless you are.

Dean caresses the side of Cas' face and lifts his chin so it's tilted towards his own face. He rubs the bone underneath his eye to will his eye open. "Cas, buddy, I need you to look at me."

No, no he can't see rejection from Dean.

"Fine I'll just praise you for having the most beautiful art work I have ever seen to your eyelashes." Dean chuckles.

Castiel's eyes pop open to see Dean practically glowing. The smile is very apparent on his face and wrinkles crinkle on the side of his face. He tried to detect the emotion present on his face. Was that happiness? No not happiness exactly, what-

"Cassie! You made first place!" A shout comes from the side of Castiel's ear.

Castiel jumps and ends up stumbling, tripping over Dean's feet and face planting the floor.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean bites out.

"Hi, I'm the trickster, but a pretty guy like you can call me Gabe." He reaches his hand out to shake the man's hand who was currently plotting murder on how to end the guy that freaked out Cas.

"Gabriel!" Cas yells loudly interrupting conversations, causing people all search for the disturbance, and find the trio in the room making an awkward tension strike the air.

"Hey, baby brother!"

Chapter 11

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dean screams at Gabriel with mixed emotions of anger and shock.

"I'm not kidding, you're a really pretty guy. Did you get plastic surgery or are your features regularly just that feminine?" Gabriel pretends to fan himself. "God, you're jaw line is going to poke my eye out."

Now Dean's mouth is opening and closing like a blowfish. His eyes are puffed out wide and light gray smoke is coming out of his ears. Gabriel can't help but feel in control of the situation like Batman in watching over Gotham City, even though he was at least five inches shorter than Dean and his brother is still laying on the floor. Gabriel already found a piece of Dean's mask that was chipping away. All he had to do is find the most damaging word choice and he can to make that protecting wall crumble.

"It's no wonder why Cassie likes you so much! You should be a male model." Gabriel flirts.

"GABE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Castiel yells pushing himself off the ground.

It seems like he was cracking Cas' wall down not his younger brother's green eyed crush. "Isn't it obvious? I wanted to see your art here. The fact that you won is a given."

A girl who was wearing a name tag, Kali, approaches the triad. "Is everything alright here gentleman?"

"Everything is just peachy sweetheart. I'm just congratulating my little bro, here, because he got first place in the painting category." Gabe throws a wink in for good measure.

The girl ignores him and turns to Dean and Cas. "You boys okay?" She asks earnestly.

"Yeah, we're okay ma'am. Sorry for the inconvenience, I wasn't expecting my problematic brother to be here." Cas looks embarrassed and humiliated.

Dean continues to burn a glare into the side of Gabe's head. He shift back towards Castiel ready to pounce on Gabriel if need be.

"That's okay, just try to keep it on the down low, we already have uptight patrons complaining about the disturbance." She sympathetically looks at Castiel before joining Dean and scowls at Gabriel and walks away.

"That really is a great painting, Cassie. Even though it's obvious that you had a muse and your muse doesn't realize they are a muse. Ha! I said 'muse' at least three times in that last sentence. But seriously he's stupid." Gabriel jumps at the chance to rant with a smirk knowing he's just annoying Cas and confusing Dean. "Like really? I thought you with Balthazar was bad, but this may be worse even if he is head over heels. And your ex was named Balthazar! Like seriously who names their kid Balthazar? It's almost as bad as Castiel."

"Castiel is a beautiful name and you need to back off whether your his blood or not." Dean bites out finally finding his voice.

"Dean it's fine." Cas mutters ready to leave the show.

"No it's not, this dick has no right to treat you like this!" Dean coherently says straightening out his back to reach full height. As Dean tries to defend Cas, he forgets all the people in the room, normally making him sick to have attention on him. The anxiety that is usually bubbling at his fingertips disappear as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"Who are you to pop into Cas' life like this? To just stumble in without consequences, insult him and his past, and then just walk out. That's not fair to him and you need to step up your game instead of coming to a stupid art show just to shock him onto the ground." Dean gripes.

Gabriel takes this into consideration watching the way Dean is huffing and puffing and looks about to pick Castiel up and carry him away. Of course Gabe knows that he's right, but he can't help it. Every time he thinks of his family he wants to puke. His family is just hot mess, and now a dead hot mess. Even though Cas is like the shining light tower it's difficult to even look into his eyes.

"Hey Cassie, it seems like Dean-o has a better nickname for you, Cassssss." He hisses defectively.

Castiel disappointedly shakes his head, "what do you want Gabriel?"

"I just want to see my beautiful brother and his boyfriend, is that so terrible?" Gabriel reaches up to the emotional art and unhooks it from the cheap yellow pushpin that is lodged in the bulletin board wall. "You know people are only here to curse the people who beat them and to collect their own art. Since you're the one about to be cursed at, I suggest you collect your winning work."

Gabriel hands the canvas to Castiel with a proud smile overpowering his childish smirk. "I seriously doubt that people would curse at him for winning, if anything they would congratulate or praise him." Dean gives him an unbelieving look with his arms still firmly crossed.

"Wow! Pretty boy, you haven't dated a lot of artists have you? These type of people are quiet, and violent. They are the worst and exceptionally dangerous. Watch your back." Gabriel pointedly speaks up louder to provoke a reaction.

"Yes, I don't know I will possibly survive." Dean grunts.

Cas yanks the painting from Gabe and cradles it in his hands.

"Let's go somewhere else," Cas mumbles to both of them leading the two away from the art showcase and a small hopeful smile produces itself on his face.

~

"Okay, I can understand Charlie continuing you come here, but why are you here?" Jo asks not unkindly.

"I just wanted a bite to eat." Dean protests. "I'll have burger, heavy on the onions, fries, and some type of soda."

Jo rolls her eyes, but starts to scribble on her note pad. "Anything else?"

"I'll have a Sprite, steak, and fries, baby. And maybe more if you're willing." Gabriel grins at Jo just waiting for a snarky comeback.

"I'm sure your boyfriend would mind if you flirt with women." She fake smiles at him.

"Nah. He's always up for threesomes." He drops the predatory looks.

She laughs at him her face lighting up with a well needed joke. "What about you, Castiel?"

"Uh I'll have the same thing as Dean." He sends her a thankful smile and slides into the booth next to Dean.

They didn't wait long and their drinks are delivered, but they can help but sit in awkward silence.

"I'm going to go use the facilities." Cas mutters running away from the problem.

"Wait. So you're the dick that kept messaging me, impersonating Cas?" Dean asks watching him from across the table.

"Well, I wouldn't call it impersonating. You knew immediately that I am not Cassie and I wasn't even attempting to emulate him." Gabriel unravels the paper straw, dunking the plastic tube into his Sprite and sticks the remaining paper into his mouth.

"You still pretended to be him and wanted a reaction from me." Dean answers.

"I wanted to know who exactly you are. I wanted to know if you're good enough for my brother and let me tell you he is way out of your league." He shamelessly insults.

"Well duh, I know I don't deserve him, but he doesn't seem to care. Technically, we aren't dating though." He replies back with no regret.

Ever since Castiel walked into his life he realized he didn't deserve someone like him in his life. Hell, the human race didn't deserve someone like Castiel. He finds the wonders of the world extraordinary, it's like he came from the other side to laugh at human tendencies. Cas looks at life and laugh at the stupidity of people, holding on to grudges, and wasting their own lives. Above all Castiel still has enough innocence and wonder to love life even if he doesn't want to live. Castiel doesn't even seem to be human, maybe his mom was right, he really has an angel watching over him.

"But even if I don't deserve him, doesn't automatically make you worthy. From what he told me you haven't exactly been around." Dean says, but observers his entire body language, waiting for a give away.

"Don't worry Dean," Gabriel retorts taking the disgusting soggy paper out of his mouth. "You're right and I'm here to change. To help him and even though the world knows I don't deserve it, Cas may forgive me."

Gabriel takes the straw out of the glass and taps the edges of the straw on the glass, small drops of soda evacuate the tube. He rolls the wet paper in between his index finger and thumb so it creates a sphere. He places the ball on one end and brings his lips to the other end and blows into the straw, dislodging saliva and paper at Dean's forehead where it lands ungraciously.

Dean flinches back and blinks a few times. "Did you you just fling a spit ball at me?" He asks his voice leaking resentment.

"Actually, I spit a spit ball at you and I'm about to do it again!" Gabriel picks up a napkin ripping a small piece off.

Dean grabs his root beer and throws it at Gabe, his adrenaline pumping as he watches the dark liquid fly from his glass onto the unsuspecting Gabriel with horror crossing his face. The splash is loud and Dean can hear a female cackle to his side, but can only give a proud smile watching Gabe's eye close tightly shut and the soda leak into his clothing.

"Didn't know if you had in in you kid." Gabriel praises while using the napkin to try and clean the mess. "I now have respect for you, Dean. I don't know what happened to you, but I can see that shit happened and I didn't want to use your sob story to take advantage of Castiel. I can see now that you are better for him than I am." Gabriel pushes the rest of the soda from his eyes.

Gabriel uses the last of his dignity to lift his glass and drink through the straw, pretending that him wasn't covered completely in soda. Dean frowns staring and the empty glass in his hand.

"You just humiliated me and you're frowning? What's up?" Gabriel nods towards the forlorn look upon his face.

"Nothing I just thought of something my dad used to tell me." Dean mumbles.

"Well?" Gabriel asks waiting.

"Well what?" He asks shaking his leg rapidly.

"Spill. Tell me what your daddy told you that's making you frown." Gabe uses the back of his fingers to brush some of the residue off his body.

"He used to tell me there is no manly way to drink out of a straw." Dan admits tapping his fingers on the table looking anywhere but Gabriel.

"I don't know. I make it pretty manly!" Gabriel replies enthusiastically.

"Maybe." Dean mutters under his breath.

Gabriel pauses to see really watch Dean's body language. Shame radiated from him.

"Okay, let me guess," Gabe says making sure Dean makes eye contact with him. "He is insinuating drinking from a straw is a euphemism for oral sex. Therefore, sucking a dick is unmanly."

"Uh." Dean is at a lost, not knowing how to respond to the blatant truth.

"Dean it's straw, an inanimate object, they don't have personalities. Life isn't English class, making animals and objects have feelings because of personification. It's a fucking straw, there is nothing manly or unmanly about it."

"I guess." Dean thinks out loud, finally getting a second open minded opinion about the plastic tube.

"Hey, Jo! Can I get another drink and a straw please!" Gabriel shouts.

It didn't take long after that for Castiel to come back to a laughing soda covered brother and a grinning friend. He can't help but wonder what the actual hell just happened in the five minutes he was gone.

~

The trio returns to Dean's apartment with a newly formed happiness and an appreciated painting. That is, until Castiel realizes that Sam isn't there and he never saw Sam at the art show either.

"Hey, Dean?" Cas asks the giggling man drifting his attention away from the video game he is playing.

Dean turns away from the TV to see a worried look from Cas, he immediately becomes serious. "What's wrong?"

"Did you see Sam at the art show?"

"Well no, but it was pretty crowded. Are you worried? I can call him if you want." Dean soothes.

"No it's okay, I'll do it. Have fun playing…?" He leaves the question open ended.

"FIFAAAA!" Gabriel screams aggressively loud.

Castiel endearingly smiles and walks to the guest room to make the phone call. His cell rings three times before Sam's voice travels through the other end.

"Hello?" Sam asks disoriented.

"Hey, Sam. I just wanted to make sure everything is okay, I didn't see you at the art showcase and you aren't at Dean's apartment so I decided to call you."

"Oh you went! That's great did you win?" Sam asks which only confuses Castiel more.

"Weren't you supposed to go?" Castiel asks.

"Yeah, uh." Cas could hear a female voice ask who's one the phone babe?

"You never went to the show did you, Sam? You're with Jessica aren't you?" Cas questions already knowing the answer.

"Sorry Cas." Sam half heartedly apologizes. "You weren't even going…"

"It's fine, Sam. Have fun with Jess." Cas deflates and throws his cell phone at the wall.

His best friend is doesn't even care enough about him to see his portrayed art work. Sam lied to him and then acts like it's no big deal. He shouldn't be so surprised, but it sucks when he doesn't understand how much it really hurt him.

Cas carefully carries his canvas from behind the two men playing a video game like pubescent teenage boys. He enters Dean's room and places the painting above his mirror. It's inspired by Dean, anyway. Dean is his muse, the person who makes the pain and sadness all worth it. He just hopes Dean understands how much the picture means to him and even more how much Dean means to him.  
Chapter 12

It had to be at least two in the morning. Sam decided to spend the night at Jess' apartment which prompted both Dean and Gabriel to shout innuendos. Dean is asleep in his room and Castiel is asleep in the guest bedroom. Gabriel probably should be getting some shut-eye on the couch, but he can't help but remember Dean drenching him in soda. The scene replays in his head while he is glad Dean has proved himself to be capable of standing up for himself, he doesn't like that he was knocked down a notch. Then it is like that moment on TV when an animated character gets an idea and a glowing light bulb appears above their heads. Gabriel had a perfect way to get back at Dean and it was going to be brilliant.

He sneaks into Dean's room to see Dean drooling and snoring, not realizing what is about to happen.

"Wow what a sexy pose, Prince Charming." Gabriel mumbles to himself.

He carefully lifts the bottom edges of the mattress out of its frame and glides it down to the floor. Dean remains in his deep trance while Gabriel pulls the mattress towards the door. The top half of the mattress slowly drifts onto the floor until the entire bed with Dean still sleeping on it is flat on the floor. Gabriel smirks mischievously and drags Dean out from his room, out of his apartment, until he is out side on the lawn of the apartment building with a new layer of frost easily seen on car windows and the grass. By the time Gabriel was done his back was in pain and he felt like an old man just thinking about complaining about his lower back. He guess he was lucky that Dean's apartment is one the first floor because it would be a pain in the ass to lug Dean down stairs. This ought to teach him a lesson though if someone is going to mess with Gabriel he will have to mess right back.

Without thinking about any of the consequences Gabriel skips back to the room to finally get some well needed rest.

~

 

"Achoo!" Dean loudly sneezes and immediately starts shivering. He couldn't move and the only way he could explain how was he was feeling was hell, but the opposite. No not like heaven, it still has an excruciating pain and that doesn't sound like heavenly bliss at all. It just felt empty and cold. Not the cool chill you get from a fan, but like someone decided to stick you inside a freezer. He felt frozen enough that he couldn't move. He open his eyes only to be blasted by chilly frost. It hurt to move. Every time he shifts his muscles to maybe see his surroundings, a freezing burning pain shoots up through his body. To say his current situation is unpleasant is an understatement. He strives to sniff again, to maybe clear his nose but it's clogged and he doesn't even want to imagine the mucus being injected onto the back of his throat. His entire body is numb, but not mentally, he physically feels numb and freezing.

"Oh God. DEAN!" Someone is screaming near his proximity, but Dean doesn't notice. A steady hum is filling his ears and he doesn't remember ever really being sick. He recalls taking care of Sam, making him soup, and forcing him to watch crappy cartoons. He never let himself get sick though. Apparently, luck in that instance has been on his side, but not now when he can't even move his body to curl into a fetal position.

"He's fine, just a bit of snow. He pranked me yesterday, it's just fair payback." He can barely hear the rumble of voices and their words.

"Gabriel we don't have time to argue we need to get him inside." Cas struggles trying to lift Dean's body off his lightly snow dusted bed. "Gabe! Just look at him. He can't even open his eyes and he is burning up! Help Me!"

Dean feels a second pair of hands carry him into his apartment and onto the couch. He wants to think of the sudden air temperature difference as more comfortable, but it felt like his skin is burning and he still felt cold.

"Go find some heating blankets." Cas irritatedly orders stroking the side of Dean's face worryingly.

"You're so sweet. I know I'm right, you're an angel! Seriously you must be hiding your wings from me. C'mon Cas y-you gotta tell me, are they puffy and white? Or are you really a dark a-angel with badass black wings." Dean garbles out his words.

"Shit! Did I cause him to have hallucinations?" Gabriel asks panicky, handing over electric blankets.

"Uh I'm not sure, but I, at least don't think so." Cas looks in Dean's eyes just to make sure he isn't delirious.

"Cassie, he just called you an angel and asked about your wings. He's obviously hallucinating and we need to bring him to the hospital." Gabriel said firmly.

Dean's puffy red nose itches and his eyes are watering. He can't clearly understand what's happening around him.

"Go make him chicken noodle soup or something." Castiel grumpily directs.

"Cassie-" Gabriel starts.

"No, he's not hallucinating. Sometimes he calls me an angel for no apparent reason and after seeing that picture I painted of us I'm not surprised that he's asking about wings when he's this out of it. Furthermore, I refuse to bring him to the hospital. He hates it there and I already guilt tripped once this week into going to the hospital and it was my fault anyway. Now do me a favor and go make him soup and get me the phone so I call Sam and his uncle to tell them about what you did." Cas' voice was in distress and on the verge of cracking. Gabriel silently passed him the home phone and disappears into the kitchen.

Castiel drapes the heating blanket over Dean and cacoons him in a comforter.

"It'll be okay, Dean." Cas whispers while running his fingers through his hair.

"It hurts." Dean says with his voice coming out as a small whimper.

"Don't worry, Dean you're not alone." Castiel whispers quietly to him like a prayer taking flight. "I'll watch over you."

Dean is burning up and Castiel is breaking apart to see his malicious brother yet again royally screwing someone over. Dean is in and out of sleep and he could really use some help. He doesn't know if his reason is justified, but he would really prefer not to call Sam. So he finds the recent calls and finds the caller ID, Bobby. He makes the phone call and hopes for the best.

"This better be important you son of a bitch, I'm busy." Bobby gruffly speaks over the line. Cas is taking aback by the aggressive upfront tone, but tells himself he shouldn't be surprised based on Dean's personality.

"Uh… is this Dean's uncle?" Cas nervously spits out.

"You called the right person, boy. Now tell me who I am speaking with and what's wrong with my boy." Castiel noticed the quick change from I-could-not-give-less-of-a-fuck to a concerned parent mode.

"Hello, my name is Castiel Novak, I'm friends with both Dean and Sam." Cas glances anxiously to the zoned out man on the couch.

"Yeah I know who you are. Please tell me what's wrong." Bobby asks politely, but nearing frustration.

"Uh, my brother decided it would fun to drag Dean by his mattress in the middle of the night and into the cold. He's currently having a fever and rambling on about nothing. And I really don't know what do to do-"

"You damn Novak boys you caused my boy to first go to the hospital, and now he's sick?" Bobby grunts over the line.

An unwelcome unpleasant feeling sicks at the bottom of his stomach. "I-."

"First you give him all the blankets y'all can find." He directs.

"Done!" Cas chokes out.

"For right now your only job is to keep him warm. I'll be there soon to help. I don't care what you do, but I'm sure Dean is a big bottle of frozen sun shine that needs to be released." The man barks and hangs up before Cas could get another word in. Castiel stares at the phone and back to Dean wondering when his life became this complicated.

"Cas?" Dean whispers hoarsely into the quiet living room.

Banging coming from the kitchen, it sounds like the distinct noise of dropping pots and pans.

"Yes, Dean?" Cas asks softly setting himself in front of the couch to talk to the poor sick man. He rests the back of his hand against Dean's forehead.

"You're so warm Cas, and I'm too cold." He leans into Cas' touch.

"I'm so sorry Gabriel did this to you, Dean." Cas whispers bands down looking deep into his eyes while feeling his hair.

"Please warm me up." Dean whines, nearing a beg.

"Ugh fine move over." Castiel doesn't think there is anything in this world he wouldn't do for Dean Winchester. If he dies from sweat because he's cuddling him, then that's how it's going to be.

Dean lifts the blanket off his chest and moves to lay down flat on his back on the couch. He rubs his eyes and groans while he moves, sore and aching.

"Uh Dean your not really giving me any room." Castiel tilts his head trying to impersonate Charlie impersonating Sherlock.

"Come, lay down." Dean pats his chest waiting of Cas to lay on top of him.

Cas is ready to protest, but while the two layers of heat up in the air, Dean starts to shiver and he could really use a cuddle anyway. Cas picks use his legs to tangle in with Dean's and rests his head on his chest. Cas keeps one hand gripping Dean's arm and the other hand playing with Dean's hair, Dean completes their interaction by enveloping them in the blanket. Cas feels like he is being baked in an oven, but Dean finally feels warm.

"You should sing me a song. I'm sure you can sing better than Justin Bieber." Dean suggests.

"What do you want me to sing?"

"Do you know Hey Jude by The Beatles?"

"Yes."

"Please sing that."

Cas rests his chin on to of his chest to look into his eyes. The melody fills his head as he begins to sing.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.  
Take a sad some and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart,  
Then you can start to make it better.

"You're an angel, Castiel. You know that right?" Dean murmurs.

"Get some rest, Dean." Cas whispers back a huge smile on his face as he as well drifts off to dreamland.

~

 

Two loud thuds hit the door, vibrating into the kitchen. Gabriel is still trying to figure out how to open a can of soup. Okay he admits it, maybe tossing Dean out of his own apartment wasn't the greatest idea he has had.he very well could've put nair inside his shampoo bottle and it would've been just as affective without Dean getting sick and especially without his brother throwing a bitch fit. Well maybe Cassie would be upset if his crush lost all his hair because of him, but that's besides the point. He hasn't seen his younger brother get that protective of someone before.

"Cassie get the door!" He calls loudly spinning the dial on the can opener. In return he got more persistent knocks. Fine be that way bro. Gabe grumbles walking into the living room. He got quite the sight of two man sleeping on the couch. Castiel is on top of Dean and they both are sleeping peacefully, their breathing in sync. They seemed to be so free, even in the constricting blankets.

He shakes his head with a smug smile and head towards the door. He swings it open and is greeted by an older man in a cap and jeans.

"You Castiel?" The dark voice coughs out.

"Depends on who's asking, old man." Gabriel answers leaning against the doorframe.

"Nah, you must be Gabriel." The man frowns pulling his eyebrows together.

"As I said before, depends on who's asking, old man." Gabe clicks his tongue nonchalantly.

"Let's put it this way, I know you're the idiot who threw my son out on the snow. Now let me through the door before I do the same to you." Bobby's facial expression doesn't change, just annoyed by how long it takes to get into Dean's apartment.

Gabriel straightens his back and sticks his hand out. "The name is Gabriel Novak and Dean deserved it."

"Bobby." He grunts not shaking his hand. "You probably deserved it more."

"True!" Gabriel agrees and drops his hand. He skips into the living room, leaving Bobby with the decision of coming in or getting the hell out of dodge.

Bobby strides in the room only to be halted by his own shock, watching the men sleeping soundly.

"Ugh, you're not the homophobic father that made him hate straws, are you? Because that would suck since as you can see they are totally crushing on each other."

"No, I'm not an asshole or that asshole." Bobby rolls his eyes and watches the way Dean smiles blissfully in his sleep. He has never seen him this happy since he was a toddler with Mary taking care of him and that's with the sickness. "He just took my advice very literally."

"What did you advise my brother to sleep with him?" Gabriel asks sarcastically.

"Something like that." Bobby mutters shutting the door and approaching them. When Bobby feels the sick man's forehead he could see the way Cas' hand is entangled in his hair.

"He's still burning up." Bobby says quietly aloud.

"Well how about you make yourself useful and make him soup. I'll be watching TV if you need me!" Gabriel exclaims trotting off to his room.

Bobby shakes his head trying to ignore the moron that is Gabriel. "You deserve to be happy." The eldest man lets his words ring in the air hoping that maybe his subconscious can hear him, because if anyone deserves to be lost in love, it should be Dean.

What Bobby didn't know is that part of Dean can hear the words clearly and digested them into battling arguments. Even with the constant poke in the back of his mind, that this is not the way a man is supposed to live. The perpetual reminder that he needs to live up to his father's ideals and society's expectations. His reputation of a ladies man, well if only they could see Dean now. But that's not what he is afraid of, up to a certain point, yes, he cares what people think of him. But other people's opinions don't affect his life, it's the consistent idea that his family wouldn't love him anymore. It happened with his dad. He can't leave that mind set of how much his father truly hates him. With every swift punch and kick let out a tad more hatred. Maybe it's time to let go, maybe his dad just needed a reason to let out his hysterical anger. His mom wouldn't care if he fell in love with a boy. She would just want him to be happy with the person he loves. She would want Dean to tell him. Bobby would never admit it, but he wants Dean to experience love and happiness, no matter who they are. Charlie would want him to ask the guy out. And Sam is oblivious to his older brother's feelings all together. Maybe there wasn't a reason to hate himself so much. Maybe, just maybe he deserves to be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 13

"You better treat him right." Cas hears in his ear. "I don't trust you, but Dean does, so you better treat him like gold."

Castiel flips his eyes open to see a bearded man glaring at him intensely. He feels his body being lightly lifted and realizes he's still cuddled up, and on top of Dean.

"Of course." Cas says with a confused yawn. "Who are you?"

"I'm Bobby, and your brother is a dick." The man answers.

Castiel smells the dull broth and sees two bowls of chicken noodle soup upon the table. The metal gray spoons lay across each other in front of the bowls.

"I'm not sick." Cas groans outwardly nuzzling his way back underneath Dean's chin.

"You might as well should be, you're practically bathing in sickness right now." Bobby says tuning down his aggression.

"You're the one that told me to keep him warm. You said it was my only job." Castiel mildly protest, closing his eyes and letting his body yet again relax against Dean.

"Yes, because I fully expected you to use your own body language to keep him warm." Bobby replies with sarcasm staining his tongue.

Cas sighs happily shifting his arm to rake through Dean's hair again.

"His mother used to do that." Bobby says with feign nonchalance.

"Used to do what?" He asks lifting his head to make eye contact with Bobby.

"Play with his hair, it's like his comfort spot. He would always calm down when she pets his hair."

"Hmm." Cas mumbles making his fingertips caress him even gentler. "He doesn't talk about his parents a lot."

"I'm not surprised, his father ruined his life and his mother used to save his life. And now they're gone. It hurts to talk about either of them." Bobby answers with a painful frown.

"He doesn't see himself like we do." Cas says quietly.

Whenever Castiel is thinking about Dean he thinks of one word: hero. With that one word many other words follow: brave, courageous, caring, generous, selfless, and the list goes on and on. It's a mystery to him how Dean can only see himself as the opposite. It's not like he is the only one that sees it. This isn't an incident when only he can see the amazement, like in nature. Yeah, Dean may be the beautiful nature, he's so much more. Everyone else around him sees the beauty that is Dean Winchester too. Everyone sees how hard he tries and can see through the 'tough guy' act. Yes, he is strong, but he is also sensitive. Castiel is sure a blind man can see the pureness in Dean's soul. The way he smiles at Sam, and opened himself to Cas. But it's more powerful in the little things. The way Dean's lip quiver when he's sleeping as if he's having a bad dream. When he bounces his head along to an overrated pop song or full out screams the lyrics to a classic rock song. How every time he catches a small glimpse of an upset child his first reaction is to talk to and comfort them. Every time he looks in the mirror, downloading every flaw of his face with a disappointing sad smile without seeing the heart that shines within. Every single one of these tiny details are what make Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester and Castiel is in love with him.

"He only sees what he was taught to see." Bobby says smiling sadly at the sleeping man.

Castiel slowly untangles himself from Dean. He rolls off the couch making sure the blankets cover Dean completely. "He only sees the bad side of himself. He beats himself up for things are not even his fault. Maybe he told you about the the 'bottle incident,' he instinctively blamed himself. I don't understand why he would immediately decided that he caused the problem. Especially, when he didn't do anything wrong." Castiel sits in front on the table, leaning his back against the couch.

"Castiel, that's who he has become because his father converted him to think that way. In his mind, everything is his fault because he was raised in an environment when he was blamed for everything. The poor kid blames himself for his own mom's death because John pushed all of his trauma and crap onto him. Dean was raised in a world where he's the devil child and the world's problems are his fault." He explains. "Now eat your damn soup."

Castiel is torn, he of course has realized that Dean is still affected by his past, but this is his daily routine. He goes through out the day, hating and blaming himself. The male on the floor grabs the bowl of lukewarm liquid just to glare at the soup, powering hatred and frustration into the noodles.

"What did those noodles ever do to you?" Bobby mocks grumpily.

"So uh, you're Dean's… uncle?" Castiel ask curiously scooping the soup into his spoon.

"Well, yeah, we're not blood related, but they both call me their uncle. I see those boys as my own though. I practically adopted them."

"Well you did an amazing job." Cas praises gulping down the salty broth.

"No, I didn't. I just gave them the opportunities to be amazing."

"And modest." Castiel just had to ask one question though. It has been bugging him, and he may not want to know the answer, but puzzle creates a terrifying picture. "What happened to his leg?"

"I didn't do anything to his leg. Did you do something to his leg?" Bobby jumps up to take the blanket off his legs.

"No not right now." He protests, calming the elder down.

"Then what?" Bobby asks exasperated.

"Someone told me that he broke his leg at sixteen and he refused to go to the hospital for it, that you had to force him to go. Did he climb a tree and fall or did something happen?" Cas is sure he doesn't want to know the answer by the way Bobby's eyes open in shock, he has hardly shown any emotion and now he looks pissed.

"Someone happened." Was his vicious reply. He sits back in the chair staring at Dean and Castiel needs to take a walk.

~

"Buenas tardes, bitches!" Charlie shouts as she walks in Jessica's apartment.

Charlie is generously greeted with a female screaming at her and a male groan.

"Charlie, what are you doing here?" Sam asks annoyed.

"What you know her?" Jessica asks confused.

Sam and Jessica are lounging in long cotton t-shirts and sweat pants. Jessica's blonde wavy hair is pulled up into a bun. Sam's longish hair is a rat's nest and he's got his arm tightly wound around Jessica's waist.

"She's Dean's best friend, but I don't know how she found us or why she is here." Sam pointedly mentions.

"It was super duper easy. All I did was hack into your phone, turn on find my iPhone, and then tracked your phone here. You should never doubt my skills, mister." Charlie says with made just a bit of creepy pride.

"Well, hello Dean's friend, I'm Jessica, but you can call me Jess. Based on your radical hacking skills, I'm sure you already know my last name and social security number. If you want to hang up your jacket, I'm making some peppermint tea." Jess turns and walks back into the kitchen not caring much for a reply.

"Why I would love some tea, Miss Jessica Moore." Charlie smirks at Sam's shocked face of the entire situation.

She loudly cracks her knuckles making the satisfied crunching sound before walking up to Sam and smacking the back of his head.

"Ow! What was that for?" Sam shouts rubbing his head.

"You probably deserved it, babe!" They can both hear Jess holler from the stove.

"I can't believe you told my poor baby that you were going to the art show and then never showed up!" She furiously glares.

"Your poor baby?"

"Yes, my baby Castiel," she answers stepping around boxes and junk, attempting to get to the dinning table. "He's adorable and should have all the love in the world therefore, he is my baby."

"He's literally in his thirties." Sam points out.

"Don't contradict me. I know his age, but he looks like a ridiculously cute child." She explains sitting in a steady wooden chair and rests her feet on the table. If anyone else saw this they would immediately think of the red headed girl as rude, but Sam knows this is just how she expresses herself. She's just getting comfortable in an unfamiliar environment.

"Is he upset?" Sam sits across from her leaning back in the chair. He looks up towards the white bumpy ceiling guiltily.

"Duh. But my baby boy, doesn't want to hurt your feelings so he's keeping quiet."

"And he told you this?" Sam asks skeptically.

"Nah, but you'll be surprised by how much information I can get by logging into my laptop. Bribery, black mail, and hacking are my main go to places to get information, because there are usually no lies." She shifts reaching her phone from her back pocket. She waves it around like a proud flag. "Random people give me information just because I'm popular on social media, too. I'm kind of a genius."

"Are you going to elaborate on the your knowledge, genius."

"Why yes, peasant. I'll have you know that Dean is currently running an one hundred three temperature which Gabriel caused and my boss is playing doctor." Jess walks in balancing three mugs in her hands.

"Okay, two questions," Sam says. "What is that supposed to mean and how did you now that?" The blonde sets her cup on the table and passes the other mugs out before seating herself as well.

"It means Dean is sick because Gabriel is a jerk and Bobby is taking care of him. Bobby happened to let me know what was going on, sorry to disappoint." She sips her tea, readily awaiting the caffeine to flush through her veins.

"I didn't even know, Dean and Gabriel knew each other." Sam mutters.

"Oh they didn't meet until yesterday. Gabriel decided earlier this morning to carry Dean outside so he could have a hibernating nap."

"Oh god," Jess inputs concerned. "Is he okay?"

"Wait!" Sam interrupts. "Why would your freaking boss inform you that Dean is sick?"

"He'll be fine and my boss may be my boss, who seems to be a gruff jerk who only cares about himself, but in reality he has a heart three times his normal size. He actually requested me to inform you two lovebirds what is going on." She sets the empty mug down and hurriedly runs out the door. "Peace out, bitches!" She screams behind her leaving Jess to comfort a perturbed Sam.

~

"You're going to the store with us." Bobby orders pounding on the guest door.

"You can't make me, OLD MAN!" Gabriel bickers forcing his body weight against the door.

"Do you want to test me, princess?" Bobby's voice edges on control.

"Bring it on!"

Bobby rolls his eyes at the door and backs up before speeding ahead and snapping his foot out. The bottom of his foot aggressively pushes against the door, easily unlocking it. Gabriel is flung back, landing on his ass. Bobby smugly smirks in front of him.

"You were saying?"

Gabriel stares dumbly wide eyed at the man that had to be at least in his fifties.

"C'mon Gabe, you caused this, we're just getting some medicine and food. You can even pick out some junk food." Cas peeks his head in the room remaining there patiently until his older brother agrees to accompany them to store. It's already been discussed that it will be a pain in the neck to bring Gabriel everywhere. He's a teenage boy with a credit card. There's no telling what he will get up to. He may act like a child and dump candy upon candy into the cart, but he may act like a immature college student by dumping creepy things into the cart. Castiel recalls the story of Gabriel running in the store to get milk, but instead made the decision to mess with the workers. He proceeds to by condoms, lubricant, duct tape, and a cucumber. For the next week Gabriel could not stop talking about the reactions he got by the check out workers. So not the best idea to carry him along like baggage, but Bobby and Castiel both decided it was a better option than leave Gabriel here with Dean, again. 

"You could of just guilted me into going. Why did you have to humiliate me?" Gabriel complains standing up and rubbing his behind.

"Humiliating you is so much more fun!" Bobby says with a feign evil smile.

"Watch it. You keep insulting me like that, I'll start liking you." Gabriel replies back.

"Ow no, I'm so scared." Bobby mocks him.

"Guys…" Castiel interrupts them. "Don't you think we should get going to be back before Dean wakes up."

"Yeah let me get my jacket." Gabriel brushes past them both.

"Should we leave a note for Dean. You know, just so he doesn't worry." Castiel suggests.

"Nah, we won't be gone long." Bobby answers and rushes to follow Gabriel out the apartment door so he doesn't key his car or worse.

Castiel shakes his head at them and checks up on Dean who is still pasted out on the couch, with a tad of drool leaking from his mouth. He re-tucks the blankets under Dean and brushes the hair out of Dean's face. He leans down and presses his lips to his forehead. "Sweet dreams, Dean." Castiel whispers like a prayer unable to keep the smile off his face as he watches him sleep.  
~

Dean didn't necessarily like the soup, but it was there and edible, and he has had worse. Even if it cold. He picked up his lone bowl and spoon. Yet again, he doesn't remember what happened the night before and he feels sore, tired, and freezing. He distinctively remembers the dull craving for alcohol so he knows that's not the reason why he can't remember, so the lack of memory started to freak him out. Maybe there was a dream. Yeah, that's right, he dreamed of having a domestic apple pie life living happily with Castiel. In the dream, they were getting ready to go to a social worker to discuss adopting a child. Castiel was shaking in his boots ready to meet children and he remembers he couldn't stop smiling.

If it was any other day, he would be freaked out by how his subconscious finds blissful, but now he's trying to recall his memories. He dashes into the bathroom and sees dark purple circles invading themselves under his eyes, bright red dry nose, and his face is patsy pale. He can't help, but frown in disgust.

He then goes on a journey searching briefly through each room to see if Gabriel or Castiel is occupied and maybe fill him in on what happened. Sadly, his entire place his vacant. He remembers falling asleep, but woke up sick on the couch. There was a possibility that he just slept walked into the living room, but that didn't explain his sudden sickness and all the blankets in his apartment were covering him on his couch. What if someone covered him up, they saw him looking this gross, what an awful thought. No, he had to be the one sleep walking in search of sheets, blankets, and comforters.

It's really quiet in his apartment. He used to love being by himself and never saw anything wrong with it, but after a few weeks of people surrounding by at least one person at a time in his tiny place he calls home, he can't help but feel lonely. When being stuck within these four walls again by himself dark thoughts began to poison his mind. The unbroken ring of his father's voice unwelcomely travels in his brain. It was like having two demons on his shoulder. They both take the chance to pounce and bash him. At the current moment, he didn't have the pure angel fighting with him. Not that he wanted an angel to be by his side, but sometimes he needs an angel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 14

"Honey! I'm home!" Screams Gabriel racing to finally watch Doctor Who on Netflix. He breezes past Dean like a blown up balloon that rapidly started losing air. Dean only gets the chance to see the back of his head, then the guest room is slammed shut. Dean slightly shivers sitting back down on the couch.

Both Bobby and Castiel make it through the door huffing and puffing, their breath visible, carrying dozens of filled plastic bags.

"There you guys are." Dean grumbles.

"Dean!" Cas shouts excitedly. He runs over and tackles Dean into a hug. "I'm glad to see you're up and your fever has gone down. The color is also back in your face. This is great news." Cas says fretting over him like an overprotective mother hen.

Bobby watches the interaction with a neutral face as always, but inside he's wearing a bright smile. Castiel seems good for Dean. When they are together they're happy and that's something Bobby has always wanted for Dean, but never been able help him achieve. Bobby is happy even if that means picking up and putting away the groceries as a traditional house maid.

"You met Bobby and went to the store with him? And you knew I'm sick?" Dean pushes his head onto Castiel's shoulder. "Can you explain what happened?"

"You don't remember." Cas asks a dislightened frown appearing on his face. "Well, what do you remember?"

"Uh, I don't remember anything past going to bed." Dean answers.

"Oh," Castiel replies miserably. "Gabriel went into your room while it was still dark and dragged you from your mattress to outside."

"He was most likely getting revenge for the prank I pulled on him yesterday." Dean inputs thoughtfully.

He nods back. "So that morning he started telling me about how he is the prank master and told me what he did. When I ran outside you were shivering with a fever and snow hugged you like a freezing blanket. I made him help me bring you back inside, attempted to warm you up, and called Bobby."

"Wait… why would you call Bobby?" Dean asks truly wondering how Cas' brain instinctively thought of calling him.

"Charlie told me that he picked you up from the hospital last week and she also gave me a little more detail about how he cares for you. So I decided to call because why not give you support from the people that love you." Castiel explains while blushing up to his ears.

"Did anything else happen?" Dean asks feeling a thick layer of tension around him.

"Uh, you're lips were like blue and you were covered in snow. You were pretty much delirious and Gabriel, at first felt awful, but started to love his prank even more. I went blanket hunting and not even the heated blanket was helping you that much. You uh, kept complaining about how cold it was." Cas plays with the hair on the back of Dean's neck. "You may have been forceful with how much you wanted to cuddle."

It is Dean's turn to blush bright pink at Cas' awkward retaliation.

"Yeah if you could possibly not tell people we were cuddling. It's like my secretly favorite thing to do." Dean mumbles an explanation.

"Yeah, too late." Bobby says walking back into the room. "Although, you two looked adorable."

"Ugh." Dean hangs his head ashamed.

Cas begins to rub the back of his head lovingly.

"I'm not kidding you two are adorable." Bobby grumps leaving the situation before it could get more emotional.

~

Later on that afternoon, a timid knock made it's way onto Dean's front door.

"It's open!" Dean wryly yells.

Him and Cas are on the couch watching BBC's version of Sherlock because Castiel has spontaneously wanted to learn about the show. Dean was fine with that because it has great scenes leading up to the big reveal, Sherlock is a sarcastic son of bitch, and knows what he's doing. It also kind of awesome to watch the chemistry flow between Sherlock and Watson. While Sherlock is off the wall crazy about solving a murder puzzle, John Watson is able to keep him grounding, save the victim/s, and help solve the puzzle.

Sam sheepishly stumbles through the door and Dean can feel Castiel tense up. Which absolutely sucks. They are best friends and should be able to talk to each other without walking on eggshells.

"Hey Dean, I heard you got sick. Apparently Gabriel had something to do with it? Are you okay." Sam shrugs off his jacket and hangs it on the door handle.

"Yeah, I'm pretty well now, just this morning was hell." Dean says pulling Cas protectively closer to him.

"Oh well that's good. Not good that you were sick this morning, but good that your better now." Sam aimlessly rambles.

"Hey Sam!" Bobby calls from kitchen, "Come here a minute. We should talk."

Cas lets out a deep breath as Sam leaves the room and Dean tenderly rubs his shoulder.

Sam stomps into the kitchen glaring at everyone and everything.

"Now, don't give me that look. You left yesterday and ran off to your girlfriend you don't get to be angry." Bobby holds up his old track phone to see the text messages Charlie sent him.

Charlie: Yeah, Sam totally ditched Cas yesterday and came here. They are the cutest couple, though. Not mention Sam's puppy dog eyes. And his girlfriend is beautiful and smart. Not sure why she's with Sam, tbh.

Sam rolls his eyes at his uncle and friend plotting against him. Bobby chucks the phone to the side and sips a glass of water staring Sam down.

"You should tell me why you came here, Sam." Bobby interrogates.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Why did you come here to Lawrence?" Bobby elaborates.

"We came to help Dean, of course. He was struggling." Sam tells him annoyed.

"No, forget Castiel for a minute. Why are you here."

"To help!" Sam says not understanding why Bobby is questioning like this.

"Wrong. If you were here for Dean, you would actually be talking to him. Castiel is here to help him and don't even try and say you didn't try and get Castiel to help him. You pushed Cas his way and hoped for the best. You don't even know how far Dean has come. Did you know that he's now openly talking to Castiel about his past? No you probably didn't know that. So I'll ask you again, why are you here." An irritated Bobby asks.

"I needed to get out of that town and Castiel is my best friend." Sam breathily answers.

"So because you dropped out law school, you wanted to leave that town entirely, but you dragged Castiel along with you because you didn't want to lose your best friend." Bobby sadly states the truth which slaps Sam hard in the face. "Well lucky for you, you accidentally started the love story of the century. For now, they are both happy."

"What are you talking about? Dean isn't gay." Sam spits out confused.

"Good to know that you're homophobic, too." Bobby moans tiredly.

"No! I'm not homophobic!" Sam protests through his teeth to keep their conversation quiet.

"If you weren't homophobic, then you would've said 'Dean doesn't like Cas' not commenting on his sexuality. Don't feel too bad, it probably rubbed off of you from your father." Bobby points out.

"Okay, Bobby. You need to stop hanging so much around Charlie. You are starting to evaluate everyone's lives."

"She's right, though." Bobby can't help but smirk.

~

"That was to be my favorite line!" Cas laughs out loud. The dynamic duo have been skipping episodes and Dean just had to show him The Sign of Three, the episode of Mary and Watson's marriage. More importantly Sherlock's best man speech. Contrast is after all God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his own creation, or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity to the family idiot. "That's just a great line! Funny, insulting, but also insightful. He's congratulating them, yet insulting their tradition."

Dean pauses the TV and turn his head to look at Castiel, "Actually I've been wondering. Do you believe in the supernatural?" Dean asks curiously.

"What? Like God? Or do you mean ghosts?" Cas bemusedly answers.

"I don't know, I mean, with what happened with your mom must have affected your decision a little. But not even that. I mean my mom wasn't religious at all, but she believed in angels." Dean knows religion is a touchy subject for a lot of people, but he can't help but ask. You can tell so much about a person by their beliefs and this is a huge one.

"I guess my mother taught me the negative effects of being indoctrinated into a religion. Of course religion bring hope to people and as long as they aren't hurting others, I don't see a problem with it. Personally, I 'believe' in what is proven facts. Sure I'll joke about loving unicorns, but no I'm an agnostic atheist."

"Can I ask why? How did you decide your way of thinking." Dean asks hanging on every one of his words.

"Over the years it just made sense to me. Gods or God has always been an explanation for people. Egyptians couldn't explain the sun. They created Ra. Greeks don't know how the weather works? They created Zeus. I guess for us it's comfort. We want to be unique, they only life in a never ending universe. If we're using the most prominent Christian mythology, it was made to give comfort to people so they can think someone is out there watching out for them or a great line to tell people who are suffering. It's okay God has a plan for you. If I could erase my thinking I could. I actually think I would like to believe in a God and sleep peacefully at night, but there is absolutely no proof and religion has been passed on for generations. We have science and facts they're really isn't a reason for religion." Castiel explains his point of view carefully.

"Okay, but I'm talking about specifically you. What caused you to decide you're a non-believer?"

"I guess I always been a person that questions things. When I was taught religion it never made any sense and my parents and teachers would never give me a straight answer. After my parents died, everyone around me tried their best to comfort me. What made them feel better is God so I guess they wanted me to feel what they felt. But every time they told me to pray or embrace God, it would only make me feel worse."

"So when random people tell you to praise Jesus?"

"I would feel like shit."

They both bounced in laughter. Castiel leans his head on Dean's chest. It seems like they have been in this position.

"I thought there was something wrong with me. Everyone fully dedicated themselves and believed in God, but I didn't. Well, except for my brother, he's an atheist too. So, if he starts going on rants about how 'God is love', ignore him. He's just trying to provoke a reaction."

Dean groans loudly, "I can see that happening too."

"My opinion only grew as I see the other effects of religion. People think religion is a valid argument against marriage equality, abortions, and stem cell research. Some people don't even 'believe' in climate change because of religion because that makes sense!" Cas clenches his fists in frustration. Dean lays a hand on top of his fist, immediately calming Cas down. "So what about you, Dean. What do you believe?"

"Well, I'm not exactly a believer, you know? I guess I never really gave it that much thought." Dean musses. "If I was religious, though, I think I would be the 'God loves all' or 'live and let live' type person."

"I know you would, Dean." Cas smiles content with a care in the world. Pain shedding from his skin until the leftovers can't be felt anymore.

~

"Hey, Dean?" Sam calls though his bedroom door.

"Come in, Sammy!" He shouts back

Sam maneuvers the door open and sees Dean laying on his bed with his laptop on his laptop. He shuts the door behind him, trying to find the words to say. "Bobby went back home. He told me he had a date. Castiel, Gabriel, and Charlie are going out to that diner. I think Gabriel is giving her tips on flirting with Jo. As if she'll need it."

"Yeah, I know. Cas told me before he left." Dean kept his eyes trained on his laptop. "Who knew you'd find so many hilarious six second videos while scrolling through tumblr. It's like each person can say the joke and execute the punchline perfectly."

"Dean we need to talk." Sam says firmly.

He takes his lone ear bud from his ear and shuts his laptop, putting it off on the side. "What do you mean?"

"You never talk about her!" Sam explodes.

"What are you talking about?" Dean says taken aback.

"Mom. You never talk about her. I don't know anything about her. All I have seen are old torn photographs, but you never told me any stories." Sam huffs taking a seat on his bed.

"I-"

"And you don't talk about dad either! Sure he wasn't around much, but he was still our dad. He supported us."

"Sam, I-"

"What about a girlfriend? Are you dating someone? You never tell me anything!" Sam frustratedly speaks.

"I never tell you anything because I am protecting you." Dean calmly replies.

"I don't need protecting."

"Please…" Dean says sarcastically. "You were already under enough stress at law school as it is and you still dropped out. If you were to know about my life, you'd be cracking under pressure. Besides, you've never asked."

"Well, I'm here now." Sam breathes heavily.

"Our mom, she was beautiful. Inside and out always beautiful. She used to sing 'Hey Jude' when I couldn't sleep because it was her favorite Beatles' song. She used to tuck me in every night and tell me that angels were watching over me. I have and always have had bad anxiety and she could make me relax. Every time she smiled it was like everyone in the room had to stop and stare. She's the reason I love pie so much. She would make one at least every two weeks because she knew it was my favorite. She was the best thing that has ever happened to me and now she's gone." Dean can't help, but let a tear slide down his face. Sam wonders what the hell he just started. He has never seen him cry before.

"Our dad was a different story. After mom, he never had his head on straight. He couldn't look me in the eye anymore because he said I reminded him of her." Dean chuckles through his tears. "He loved you so much. Every time you weren't around us he would talk about you. He would talk to random strangers about how wonderful and smart his youngest son is. How proud he was of you. I guess it was getting harder for him though to be around me. I was around twelve when he first hit me. He tried to kill me at sixteen, he even broke my leg until he got bored of me and left."

Sam stares at his hands in shock. All the broken puzzle pieces were coming together and he felt awful. All those time he saw Dean with a bruise or cut or worse he just assumed he was the asshole kid getting into fights at school. He never imagined that his father was the cause. How could he not see that. All this time his childhood has been a lie. He watched his brother his entire life die inside. After everything, he never imagined how damaged Dean actually was. Dean actually raised him while dealing with abuse from their dad, grief from their mom, and trying to be another normal teenager. Sam has been oblivious to it all.

"As for my love life, I may be dating your best friend." Dean admits with a small smile returning to his face.

"Wait, you are gay?" Sam asks just checking to see if he missed another important thing in their childhood.

"No, I dig chicks. Sometimes I like guys though. I'm actually bisexual. That's actually why dad broke my leg, I guess that was the last straw for him." Dean grimaces at the word straw.

"Well, that actually makes sense. You have always had crushes on both males and females whenever we watch tv shows or movies." Sam muses.

"You're not upset that Cas and I are sort of an item?" Dean says sheepishly.

"I just want you both to be happy and I have been pretty oblivious to well, everything, but especially your guys' feelings. I've been an ungrateful jerk and I'm sorry." Sam sighs disappointed in himself.

"I have never once though like that when I'm around you. I have though to myself wow Sammy is such an amazing person or he's such a nerd, but never have I thought you have been ungrateful. You were just a kid, I don't except you to understand everything that happens to you. I grew up too quickly and I'm glad you didn't have to experience the same." Dean pulls Sam into a hug.

"Thanks jerk." Sam whispers their childhood insult.

"Goodnight, bitch." Dean laughs relieved.  
Chapter 15

Two brothers and an annoyed girls walk down the uneven cracked sidewalk towards the diner.

"I'm just saying that Markiplier is better than Pewdiepie!" Charlie yells.

"And I'm just saying," Gabriel mocks. "That you're an idiot. Not only is Pewdiepie is actually funny and Markiplier is a tool, but shall I mention that forty thousand people agree with me, what does your guy have? Ten thousand subscribers? Pitiful."

"Exactly! He's overrated. Markiplier doesn't actually need to swear in order to be funny." Charlie argues.

"Please can someone stop and explain to me what you're talking about." Cas groans because he is out of the loop yet again.

"What are you talking about? Markiplier isn't even funny." Gabriel bickers.

"We're talking about YouTube gamers. People play games then post them online for people to watch. I actually like entertainment while your brother likes to see obnoxious screaming." Charlie explains.

"Why would people do that?" Cas asks.

"Cassie it's just like people who play sports. I don't necessarily want to shoot hoops or score a goal, but I'm okay watching it." Gabriel smacks Charlie with her biased explanation.

"I don't like to watch sports either."

"Then let's just agree you're not American." Gabriel says with a smile.

They walk in a peaceful silence for a while until Gabriel ruins it.

"Now tell me Charlie who is the Jo person and how can I set you two up." Gabriel mischievously smirks.

She starts to skip in front of them, making her distance further and further way. "She's awesome and I'm going to ask her out on a date!" Charlie hollers back at the the two boys walking at a pedestrian's normal pace.

They catch up and see the small diner on the corner that is actually filled with people around eight o'clock at night.

"You might have a problem getting her attention." Gabe stage whispers. They watch through the big clear window how there are only two waiter and one waitress running around, taking orders, and delivering food.

Castiel watches both Gabriel and Charlie start plotting a plan. He has to roll his eyes about how obvious they are. "Let's go."

Walking inside you can smell the rich syrup and cooked meat and it made Cas' stomach flip over with want. They walk to the only available table open and plot themselves down waiting. Charlie didn't seem as upbeat as usual as she is biting on her nails harshly about to take a finger off.

"It's not a big deal you'll be fine." Gabriel encourages. Looking around the room showing a flirtatious smile at anything that walks.

A dark haired man wearing their uniform approaches them. "Hi. My name is Aaron. I'll be your waiter for the day. Can I get you something to drink." He directs at Castiel shifting closer towards him.

"I'll have a coffee." Charlie announces loudly.

"Yes, I'll have a Sprite and he will have the same." Gabriel says motioning towards Cas.

"Okay, coming right up." The waiter throws a wink at Cas and swaggers away.

"Jesus it's like everyone here is queer." Gabriel laughs.

"I'm here, I'm queer!" Charlie sang.

"What?"

"I just wish Dean was here. I'd love to see him jealous. It would be like watching a bear growl!" Gabe exclaims.

"Cas, baby." Charlie rests the palm of her hand on top of his. "That Aaron guy is totally into you."

The room began to spin around him. Why can't he just have a simple meal with his brother and friend? Why can't he just be left alone for the time being?

"Ugh." He groans into his hands.

"Aww, don't worry Cassie. I'm sure Charlie will be your fake girlfriend so you won't be a target all night."

"No! I can't pretend to be Cas' girlfriend simultaneously flirting with Jo. Besides I think I've already made my self fairy obvious." Charlie protests shooting a wide grin towards the busy waitress.

Aaron walks back with a mug and two glasses. "Are you ready to order?" He civilly asks resting a hand on Cas' shoulder causing him to flinch.

"Dude, what the hell? Get your paws off my boyfriend!" Gabriel screams.

"Nice try, dude, but I saw you staring at those girls over there." Aaron smirks victoriously.

"Oh great another war on pansexuals. Just because I'm sexually/romantically attracted to girls doesn't make me straight. I like who I like and there is no problem with that. Do you want me to educate you on sexuality because I'm sure your seventh grade sex ed class didn't teach you much. Pan is the root word for all. Pansexuals are basically gender blind. They aren't attracted to parts, they are attracted to hearts. Now run along before I make a formal complaint to Ellen." Gabriel recites sassily. "Yeah that's right I know the owner of this place. I'm sure she doesn't want to know that you flirt with everyone's boyfriend."

Aaron drops his jaw in shock before slowly removing his hand and making a bee line to the other side of the diner.

"Wow! I never thought I would pretend to be my brother's boyfriend." Gabriel mutters.

That's when Charlie starts to laugh hysterically at Cas' conflicted face and the entire situation.

"What the hell just happened?" Jo asks from behind Charlie making her jump in her seat.

"Oh you know, nothing much." Gabriel comments. "Charlie wants to ask you out on a date. Everyone wants a piece of my brother's ass and I'm a single pringle. You should probably let your mom know that Aaron is a dick though."

~

The next day, Sam is attempting to mend all the broken mistakes he has made over time. He is barefoot in Dean's kitchen searching for apples, flour, butter, salt, and sugar. Using only the directions he found in Dean's pile of junk he figures was his mother's recipe. The emotions he feels is overwhelming. Guilt is feeding on every nerve and anger is controlling the rest of his body.

"Sam, I hope you're not planning a prank at three in the morning like my brother did." Cas grumpily says from behind him. His eyes sleepily squint at the light flooding the kitchen. "What are you even doing?"

"I'm really sorry Cas. I shouldn't have entered your painting or not shown up at the show. I definitely shouldn't have made you feel responsible for helping my brother or ignoring you for the past few days. I truly mean it, I am sorry." Sam turns his head towards Cas with flour light powdering the side of his face.

"If you didn't submit my painting I wouldn't have given my self enough confidence to start the next one and I won first place. I never would have been able to do that without you. Don't beat yourself up. You Winchesters are all the same self loathing selves." Cas yawns and rubs his eyes, leaning against the refrigerator.

"Well thank you, Castiel." Sam sarcastically states measuring the sugar.

"Seriously, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to give Dean a piece of his childhood back."

"I'll help." Cas offers and approaches the sink scrubbing both of his hands.

"Wow, Cas you are an angel!" Sam mocks. Even though it's an old joke, he can see why the nickname means so much to Dean. His mother used to comfort him every night by the phrase, "angels are watching over you." To Dean, Castiel is the angel who spreads his wings and loves him. Not to mention that Castiel's name was taken from Cassiel an actual angel from religious studies. "Can you remind me why you were named Castiel?"

"What do I need to remind you of my mother's crazy scheme for naming me?" Cas laughs.

Sam starts to mash up the apples, not giving another response.

"Well okay. I was named after an angel named Cassiel. In mythology, angels are genderless, but she was referred to as she. Cassiel is an archangel who liked to watch over humanity without interfering. She's know for developing human emotions and falling from heaven because she fell in love with humanity and the righteous man. I was named Castiel because it's another one of her names that she can be referred to as. She named us both after angels. Gabriel was literally named after the angel that told Mary about her immaculate conception.”

"You should thank your mom." Sam says concentrating on Cas' expert dough rolling.

"Why?" Cas curiously asks.

"She accidentally created the modern day angel/human love story."

Cas drops the rolling pin as so his mouth and stares at Sam in shock. "Uh what?"

"Bobby told me and then Dean told me. Of course I'm okay with it." Sam rattles off embarrassedly. "I'm sure your mom also gave you the inspiration to make that painting, too. Of the angel saving the righteous man." He states matter of factly.

"Well if you're going to give me that attitude, you can make the damn apple pie yourself."

"Oh whatever, you just want a reason to crawl in bed with brother to cuddle."

They both chuckle freeing themselves of the secrets the best friends have been keeping from each other.

"Good night, Sam Winchester."

Castiel does what is predicted of him. He sneaks into Dean's room and crawls in his bed. Pressing up against his back and using one arm to hug his middle. It may be just cuddling to everyone else, but to him it's more. He's able to protect Dean in his arm and that's the most important thing in the world to him. Keeping Dean safe.

~

Cas lifts his arm to reach for Dean. He feels nothing, but bed sheets and a pillow. He peeks an eye open to only have bright morning sun light fill his vision. Where is Dean?

"YOU MADE ME PIE!" There he is.

Castiel can hear the excitement in his voice and it made him smile. If Sam wanted Dean to rewind his past and be a child for the moment, he succeeded judging by the sound of Dean's voice. Subsequently being an innocent child coincides with being happy which is what Sa, has been searching for. Through the alcohol, depression, low self esteem, and sadness he has always wanted the best for his brother. Whether he wants to admit it or not, Cas can tell every time Sam brings up his older brother that he is his role model. Who wouldn't look up to their strong older brother, who put everyone else in front of himself. It was about time Sam put Dean in front of everyone else.

Castiel follows the sound of Dean's screams into the living room where his has already changed clothes and is ready for the morning. "Hey Cas! Look there is apple pie! Just like the type my mom used to make!" He shamelessly uses a fork and starts eating the pie in its entirety.

Sam glances over to a tired Sam who looked happy despite his lack of sleep. Cas knew how big of a moment it is for Sam to do something for his older brother and not the other way around.

"Oh shit, sorry guys I gotta go." Dean says looking at his phone.

"Where are you going?" Cas asks adjusts his hair from his own eyes.

"Work. I'm the head mechanic at the auto shop. Charlie is our unofficial 'secretary' there. You can come hang out there with us 'cause Bobby is the owner and it's not that busy on Mondays." Dean speaks with pie still circulating his mouth making him almost incoherent.

"You can continue to eat your healthy breakfast if you give me a minute to get ready." Cas says in amusement.

"Take your time." He mumbles through his fork.

It wasn't long until the two boys were speeding in the impala or what Dean likes to call his baby. The entire car vibrated as Dean drives because he is blasts Shake It Off by Taylor Swift. At first Cas was sure he was doing it ironically, but as Dean sincerely gets into the beat of the song he realizes that he truly likes pop music as he does rock music.

"Sam mentioned to me a while ago that your dad loved classic rock music." Cas says loudly over the song.

Dean turn the volume to the left making the music quieter. "Yeah Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Motorhead were my dad's favorite bands. It's kind of funny, I used to worship the guy even after everything he did to me. I used to listen to the same music, wear his leather jacket, this was even his car. As you can see I can now dress myself and this is my car, my baby."

"You're not your dad, Dean don't worry. I know you're your own person and can think for yourself." He chuckles quietly. "I quite like you for you."

"Wow? Really? I'm flattered." Sarcasm leaks through his words.

"Oh shut up." Cas says without heat behind his words. He reaches up and kisses Dean on his cheek which immediately coverts pink.

"I kinda like you for you too." Dean admits taking his eyes off the road to give him a sincere smile. "Although, my dad would have hated you."

"What is this, an on going debate between who's parents would hate the other more? My mom would have dumped holy water on you." Cas laughs loudly talking about his past openly.

"My dad would aggressively kick you out immediately." Dean stops smiling and stares at the seemingly never ending road.

"Are parents are assbutts." Cas solemnly says.

"Assbutts?" He sputters.

"You can't blame yourself for his mistakes, you can only look back in the rear view mirror and choice a different road. Instead of the lonely path he was on, choice the one with the people you love. Whom love you back."

Dean lifts one of his sturdy hands off the steering wheel and slots his fingers in with Cas'. "I am."

 

 

  
Chapter 16

Cas shyly enters the auto shop next to a confident standing Dean. They walk inside to a disaster of a flannel wearing older man and an indignant young female adult arguing with each other. The cold breeze nips at their skin even as the door shuts behind them.

"Pluto is a dwarf planet because it's small and insignificant." Bobby says annoyed that he even had to argue.

"VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU!" Charlie screams running around the office hysterically. Papers flew behind her in the dust leaving leave a trail of the colored paper road streaming from her randomized path.

"You can't stop scientific facts!" He argues watching wide eyed at the disaster.

"I can make science see the light!" She yells throwing her hands in the air sprinting across the room.

"You may want to slow down or scientists will have to study you for traveling at light speed." Dean interrupts.

"Dean that was the stupidest joke I've heard come out of your mouth." Cas groans.

"Pfft. I am funny!" Dean complains and then turns towards Bobby with a knowing look. "I thought you said we're not allowed to mess around when we are supposed to be working. It's unprofessional and we are too old to be acting like children."

"I guess your antics have finally melted my brain." Bobby grumbles.

"When he brought Pluto into this, all bets were off, Winchester." Charlie says picking up the printed pieces of paper.

Dean pretends to be disappointed and starts to work on cars already in the garage. Cas isn't immune to the hidden pleased look on Dean's face as Bobby and Charlie mope, childishly ashamed. Castiel was glad to watch the dynamic around the room as time passed on. Bobby got pissed off at every customer and was exasperated every time he had to explain something mechanical to them. Either Dean or Charlie would take over at that point making Bobby get some fresh air and he would be walking away muttering the phrase, stupid ignorant sons of bitches. If Charlie took over she would win them over with her charms and make them occupied until Dean could explain to them in simpler terms what is wrong with their vehicle and how much to would cost to repair it. If Dean was the one to immediately take over he would cautiously explain throughly and show the customer what is going on. Castiel marveled at Dean's social skills even if Cas knew he is anxious the entire time, it doesn't show and he's a natural talker. Castiel knows that Dean isn't the most intelligent person academic wise, but give him a car or a person and he can win them both over with a wink.

It's actually quite annoying. Castiel has a hard time keeping a 'normal' small talk conversation with someone, then Dean treads in and effortlessly has an engaging talk. Of course that's not a really fair comparison, since it's Dean's job to put up with people in this scenario, but it's still impressive.

The most impressive thing so far is how Dean contents with the cars. He treats the gently and strokes the exterior as if it can feel him. What's amusing is how Dean is completely oblivious to the fact that he talks to the vehicles.

It's gonna be okay, I'm going to fix you right up.

Wow, you're a beauty, too bad your owner is a dick.

Don't worry you're in good hands.

Charlie is usually behind the computer, but Castiel can tell she isn't updating their website or being on top of her 'secretary' priorities. He caught her playing classic games like minesweeper, solitaire, and pinball, but mostly she's scrolling through tumblr. She has guts to be on her person blog during work, he'll give her that. He also noticed she has a Microsoft Word open and adds words from time to time.

"Is there a reason you're furiously typing into Word?" Castiel cannot help but ask his nosy question.

"Yeah I'm writing for National Novel Writing Month. This means I have to write during work while procrastinating, it's all part of my writing process." Charlie doesn't elaborate anymore her fingers stalling, hovering over the keyboard as she blankly stares at the monitor.

"Oh, NaNoWriMo! I keep forgetting it's November it seems to be too cold in Kansas for it to be November. Do you need some pep talks or inspiration?" Cas offers.

"Oh you're a writer?" She perks up like a parched cartoon plant finally getting water. "Yeah, I have all these pep talks, but with so many choices I don't know which one to read. I'm driving myself insane."

"I may sound like a overrated cliche, but my absolute favorite pep talk is from two thousand ten by John Green." He says recalling his favorite quote.

So quit. Quit now, or if you're among the many of us who've already quit, stay quit. Look, we are all going to die. The whole species will cease to exist at some point and there will be no one left to remember that any of us ever did anything: Our creations, all of them, will crumble, and the entire experiment of human consciousness will be filed away, unread, in the Follies folder of the great interstellar hard drive. So why write another word?

Most people look at this middle part of the article as discouragement. For Castiel it was the reason to keep writing. He has written his characters for himself, he could tell his story through the words of another person. He could get all of his feelings out without driving himself insane, maybe with a different alternative. That's what's writing is all about for him, maybe people see it as a coping mechanism, but for him, it's a reason to keep searching for the happiness that his characters have already received. This year he decided not to write because of the classic excuse of not enough time and he usually alternates his time between painting and writing. He's glad he didn't this year though because he's realizing he could actually get his happy ending. Well maybe not a happy ending, but a beginning path for the start if happiness. When he met Dean he was done for, even the stumbling drunk man was able to charm him silly. If Dean isn't his happiness he doesn't know what is, the scary part though, Dean thinks the same of his angel.

"Thanks, Cas. Now you just have to be team viva la Pluto and you have completely won me over."

Castiel took a trip away from the crowded commotion and towards Bobby who was leaning against the wall by himself.

"You know I hate to admit it, but I was wrong about you." Bobby says. Cas and him stood in the back of the room watching customers peel their way in and out of the shop thanks to Dean.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asks hypnotized.

"I was ready for you to screw him over, but he is the happiest he's been in years. His mother would absolutely adore you. She'd be the one to treat you like her own son simultaneously crushing you in a hug. Wonderful lady she was." He sighs sadly, "she would find the whole situation hysterical though."

"What situation? Do you mean Sam's breakdown or Gabriel's pranking life style?"

"Neither, the situation with you."

"Sorry you lost me. What is that supposed to mean?"

"She has always believed in miracles and angels. Low and behold here you are, the boy named after a biblical angel and is ready to start a war for Dean. You're the angel that is watching over him. Guarding, protecting, taking care of him. That's pretty much her goal, someone to watch over her boys. But between you and me, she always liked Dean more." Bobby reports looking at the way Cas' eyes started to glow proudly.

"That's not fair, Sam was only six months old when she died."

"Your point? It's one of those things where deep down you know you love this person. You have felt that right?"

"Yeah I know I have…" Castiel's eyes plaster on Dean. "Tell me about your date."

"I hope you realize that it's Charlie's metaling that is making you ask me that."

"I know. Did you have them the same feeling with them?"

"The first feeling I had for her was hatred. I was arrested because I was stumbling around town completely shit faced. She's the town's police chief. Then I asked her out on a date, the rest is history." Bobby pretends that he isn't embarrassed by turning his head away from the questioning boy.

"What's her name?"

"Jody Mills."

"I hope Jody Mills makes you happy."

"I hope Dean Winchester makes you happy, son." Bobby says pulling him in for a rough hug.

"He does so much more."

 

~

 

Day dreaming of his nightmares are vivid no matter how much he doesn't want to admit it. He can still feel the rough uncaring way his father would lay a hand on his shoulder, disappointed in his useless son. The way his fingers locked around his shoulder blade with rage, gripping him like lifting a big garbage bag.

It's so much different with Castiel though. He gently lays his palm and fingertips on the side of his arm, but they're firm as if ready to catch him if he were to fall. The part about Castiel is that's it's real. His father is in the past, he doesn't matter anymore.

"Dean?" Cas asks using his thumb to caress the inside of his arm near his arm pit.

"Yeah?" Dean asks fazed and lightheaded.

"You zoned out. It's time to go home." Cas says his words smoothly pumping through him, wrapping warmly around him.

Home. Castiel makes the crappy apartment feel like home. Whenever he's near Cas it's home. No more does he feel alone and uncomfortable in his own skin. He doesn't have that essence feeling of running into his mother's arms anymore. When did that craving finally go away? Maybe it was when they first met, or all the private conversations on tumblr, or the time he took care of him when he was sick. One thing is for sure, Dean feels safe.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? Dean are you listening to me?" Cas frets.

"I'm fine angel," Dean whispers. "Do you want to drive my baby?"

"What? No it's okay, it's your car Dean."

"It may be my car, but I want you to stick around. If I want you to stick around, my baby needs to want you to stick around, too." Dean shuffles out of the shop and into the cold air pulling Cas along with him. "This is a sixty seven chevy impala and my dad bought it for my mom when they were young adults. She was livid because she was pregnant with me and wanted a mini van, but she grew to love the car too. I was sure my dad never wanted to see me ever again after I incidentally came out, but the day before he died he handed me the keys and stared at me, I swear he was proud to be my father." Dean squeezes his lover's hand. "Of course the next day he called me a good-for-nothing worthless kid, but I'm beginning to question if he was trying to get me to leave him alone so he could die by himself or if he actually meant it."

Cas kisses the back of Dean's hand.

"Either way, I want you to have the same experience." Dean says his decision made.

"What? Call you disgusting insults that aren't true?" Cas asks incredulously.

"No, Castiel. I want you to grow to love this car like I have grown to love you. Starting with you driving us home."

Dean rests the car keys inside Cas' palm glancing up in his eyes to see tears collecting themselves there. "You love me?"

"Not just love, silly. I need you." Dean says and immediately feels the weight resting on his chest has been disappeared. "Don't you get it? I know I'm messed up, but you don't treat me like that. You treat me like I matter, like I can be loved. I haven't felt like that since I was running around in diapers. I don't know what it is about you, but I want to learn."

"Starting with your baby? She's more than just a car for you Dean. She is a piece of your family. A piece of your heart."

"Which is why I want you to drive." Dean says.

"Okay." Cas gets in the car with Dean close behind and starts the car feeling the purr of the engine as the key turned in the ignition. They both fly down the road like a rocket ship finally taking flight off earth.

~

Dean was at Bobby's house when it happened. His father was exceptionally pissed off that day. Dean used to think it was himself that his father finally got sick of him. He remembers his dad reminding him how much he looked like Mary. The way he would argue, smile, eyes light up in hope. His dad wasn't for once intoxicated which made Dean on edge. His dad was complimenting him. John never brings up his wife without a reason.

"She would want you to have this." John said lifting his fingers from the bottom of his palm to reveal the car keys.

"Dad, no. It's your car." Younger Dean protested shocked.

"Now you listen to me, you take car of this car like you take care of Sam. You deserve this, Dean." John wasn't one for mushy moments, but it needed to be said.

"I didn't do anything."

"You took care of your mother, brother, and me. You think you can take care of a piece of metal?"

"Dad?"

"Stop. Dean, look at me. I love you."

Dean used to blame himself. How could he actually think his dad was saying that out of the kindness of his heart. No, he should've known his dad was going to kill himself.

"Dad, are you okay?"

"Go away Dean! I can't believe you're my biological son, you're good-for-nothing worthless kid."

Two contradicting conversations happening in forty eight hours. No it was a deflection, but with Dean being Dean he automatically assumed that the first conversation was the deflection.

~

His mother would remind him how much he is worth. Of course, that didn't always help because she's his mother, she's supposed to love him unconditionally. Supposedly, so are fathers, but Dean didn't grow up thinking that.

Dean didn't think much of it when he comforted his mother after his parents got into a fight, nor when he visited every academic ceremony and athletic game Sam was in. He never saw himself of the selfless, brave person he really was, but that didn't matter anymore. He had an angel who saw him as the fearless Dean Winchester.


End file.
